Best Forgotten
by XX-Samantha-XX
Summary: A seemingly normal case doesn't stay that way for Tony when it exposes memories he has tried to forget, but is that the only thing he should be worried about. Father/Son, nice Gibbs. AU.Now Complete
1. Bad Feeling

_Disclaimer: These characters aren't mine no matter how much I want them. Though I really don't think Tony would want to stay anywhere near me after this one. _

_Summary: A seemingly normal case doesn't stay that way for Tony when it exposes memories he has tried to forget, but is that the only thing he should be worried about and what does his father have to do with it. _

_Okay so this is my take on Tony and his past and for it to work i needed a caring Gibbs so he may seem a little OOC, I just hoping that mine is different from the others around, there are some quite good ones around. Seen as the writers don't seem to want to explain Tony's past we are left to wonder, lots of angst, lots of Gibbs/Tony father/son Set in season 2ish so Kate it there as is McGee…_

_I will get to my other stories soon, i promise, this just wanted to be written too. _

**Best Forgotten **

**Chapter 1 –Bad feeling. **

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo was making his usual way to work, trying to ignore the bad feeling that he had had since he had woken up this morning. Of course, being a DiNozzo when he did get to work he wouldn't let anyone know he was worried. DiNozzo's don't worry or feel scared, that was a lesson he had learned from an early age. They would always have the image that everything was normal, and not to tell anyone anything. In the past when people had gotten too close to him he ran, he didn't want to be judged, so he only allowed them to see what he wanted them to see. It seemed that when he had started to trust people in the past and they found out what he had kept hidden, they would leave or blame him for what happened, just like his father had.

Tony sighed as he pulled to into the deserted parking garage of headquarters. Maybe, his father was right; he _would_ end up in the gutter. Having made it to work on autopilot he needed to get himself together pretty quickly, he couldn't show them anything other than what they knew. Could he? Would they run and judge him? Would they treat him like his father did? He just didn't know. He trusted Gibbs, Kate and even McGee with his life, but could he trust them enough to let them in, let them see beyond the mask he so effortlessly wore. He'd even broken his two year record at NCIS, and he was sure that Abby wouldn't let him leave. Abby was the sister he had always wanted, he smiled a little at the thought of the hyper forensic scientist. Abby could always make him smile, he would hate to leave.

The elevator shuddered to a stop at the bullpen. Leaving the claustrophobic feel of the elevator behind, he moved slowly to his desk and silently began to work. Maybe, cold cases would keep him occupied enough to ignore the bad feeling he had. Having gotten there earlier then even Gibbs, he could work without being watched. By the time the others got in he would be back to his usual self.

Becoming bored with over due paperwork and cold cases and no one to distract him he realised just how tired he was, to be honest he hadn't been sleeping all to well recently. His eyelids felt heavy and before he knew it, he had succumbed to sleep…

x-X-x

_Where was she? He panicked. He couldn't see her; he couldn't see anything for that matter. Something was tied tight around his eyes. He tried to call out but found that there was material around his mouth, forcing him to breathe through his nose. The room smelled damp, most likely caused by the constant dripping he could hear. _

_Before he could do anything else a door was slammed open, he flinched a little at the sound. He became nervous when heavy footsteps came closer to him; the person's presence was scaring him. Not that being tied up and alone didn't, but he'd rather be alone than have company that he didn't even know, or not know what they what they were going to do. _

_The next thing he heard was a muffled scream, her scream. He tried to be strong but found his eyes burning with a few tears of fear… _

x-X-x

Gibbs strode out of the elevator at 7am sharp, coffee in hand, not expecting anyone in for at least another hour. He frowned as he saw his senior field agent asleep at his desk, Tony did have a tendency to come back to work during the night but recently he had caught Tony spending more time at work than at home, sometimes he wondered if he had a home to go to. A rare smile graced his lips, thinking that Tony was like him in that respect.

He made it his way and tried not to get involved into his agents' personal lives, but there was something about Tony that had him caring more than usual. What he did know was that Tony's father had disowned him at the age of twelve, even with that little part of information he hated the man for doing that to his own son. Tony had been working for him for over three years now, a best for Tony, having moved from job to job every two years or so. Gibbs really wanted to know why he stayed; I mean he was known for being hard to work with and everyone knew what the second B in his name stood for.

Gibbs was startled out of his thoughts when Tony shot up, almost toppling his chair and looking around in panic. He thought that the younger man had been looking tired recently; obviously it was due to nightmares. While nightmares weren't uncommon for agents and ex-cops, they hadn't had any cases recently that may have caused it; this had him wondering what Tony had been dreaming about. Knowing that his agent wouldn't appreciate being seen straight after a nightmare, he decided to ignore it, filing it away for a time they could talk about it. He waited until Tony straightened himself out and strode past.

"Hiding away from a girlfriend, DiNozzo?" he asked gruffly with a little humour, attempting to get Tony to relax back to his usual vibrant state.

"No boss, just catching up on some paperwork." Tony smiled at the tone and relaxed a little, the baiting did him good. Now somebody was in, he could concentrate fully on work, and not on the recurring nightmare he had just had. Both agents turned to their computers and got to work.

Gibbs wasn't a pro at the technical stuff but he knew how to write reports on the computers and paperwork didn't really require the use of them. Once in a while he would sneak a look at his agent, trying to see any signs as to what was wrong. By the time the others arrived he still didn't have a clue and it was starting to bother him, he cursed at his weakness for his agent. He shouldn't get involved; what the hell was it that made him care so damn much he wondered.

x-X-x

"Okay, who are you, and what have you done with the real DiNozzo?" asked Kate, shocked to see Tony in work before her.

"Well Katie," he smiled using the nickname she hated, "wouldn't you like to know." he waggled his eye brows a little and watched as she huffed and went to her desk. He really did enjoy teasing her, his smile widened into his trademark grin. Yep, he was back to normal.

McGee stopped abruptly as well at the prospect that the fun-loving-usually-late senior field agent was in and already working, he decided not to question it though as it would only get him teased to no end by Tony and Kate.

Soon enough the usual friendly banter was under way, Kate and McGee trying to get on with work but being distracted by Tony launching paper balls at them when he thought Gibbs wasn't watching.

By lunch time McGee and Kate needed to get away from Tony's childish antics and rushed out without looking back, hoping that he had calmed down a little when they got back. Gibbs strolled out too, most likely looking for a decent cup of coffee.

With the rest of the team gone for a little bit, Tony could let down his defences a little. His mind wandered beyond the computer screen in front of him. Anyone watching would think he was engrossed in his work; however, that wasn't what he saw. He saw past mistakes, past failures. _Get a grip of yourself DiNozzo_ he scolded himself, he really needed to _not_ let the past keep creeping up on him every time a certain date drew closer. He knew that Gibbs could see it as well but at least his work hadn't started to slip. At least, not yet.

"Something bothering you, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked curiously. He needed to know if the younger man's obvious distracted attitude today would hinder a case, if they ever got one.

Tony jumped a little at the voice's intrusion into his thoughts; he hadn't expected Gibbs to be back that quick. He searched his mind for a suitable answer.

"No Boss, just thinking." He responded, smiling brightly. He really didn't want to tell Gibbs what he had been thinking about.

Gibbs saw that the smile didn't reach his eyes which looked a little haunted, but he knew that Tony wasn't going to say anything even if he did ask. The look in the younger man's eyes didn't sit right with him but he was stopped from saying anything by the ringing of his phone. Having listened to the cop on the other end, he ended the call and turned to Tony.

"Ring Kate and McGee, tell them to meet us there in the car. Gas the truck."

"On it Boss." Tony replied with an honest smile, he always did like a case to liven up the day.

x-X-x

The crime scene…

"Kate, go speak to the neighbours, McGee, bag and tag. DiNozzo, shoot and sketch."

Having given his orders, Gibbs was just about to go and speak to Ducky when he noticed DiNozzo was nowhere to be seen. It was then that he remembered that he hadn't heard the typical 'On it Boss' from his senior field agent…

TBC

_So where did Tony go? What was the meaning of that room? Please read and Review, let me know what you think._


	2. Is he back?

_Okay well I really wasn't expecting all those reviews for the last chapter so thanks muchly, Tony and Gibbs may seem a little OOC in this chapter but for Tony it will be explain later, Gibbs is just gonna be caring lol because we do see little bits in the show that shows us that he can be caring. Here goes then. _

**Chapter 2- Is he back?**

Tony wandered aimlessly, trying to remove the images from his head. He had tried so hard to burry that part of his past deep down so no one could reach it, tired to hide it all behind his care-free persona. Now, all because of one room and the time of year he couldn't force the images away. Had the guy that did it the last time gotten out? Was he doing it again?

He really shouldn't have walked out of the crime scene, Gibbs would be mad. He just needed to escape the sights and senses rushing him. He almost lost the battle with the rising nausea as he continued on. He had no idea where he was going; he just needed to get away. He knew it wasn't professional but he just couldn't care less at the moment. Maybe, if he just left now this wouldn't be happening again.

He wasn't aware of anything around him, he couldn't hear the cars or the birds, he didn't feel the light rain slowing soaking him. All he could hear was her screams, echoing around his mind, driving fear deep within him, he needed to flee, to get away. If he stayed he couldn't help but think that his friends would get hurt. Had the guy been watching as they arrived? Did he now know who Tony's friends were? Were they now in danger because he hadn't been strong enough to save her?

All the guilt and the pain he had buried surfaced and he found himself shaking from the force of it all, he wouldn't cry though. It was a sign of weakness. For the weeks after her screams had faded, his father had forced him to believe that it had been his fault and he wasn't worthy enough to cry over her. But, that's all he had wanted to do, his father had been right though, it _had_ been his fault and he _was_ weak. No matter how much he looked back to it in his dreams, it had always ended the same; he had had her blood on his hands.

Looking down at his hands, he could see the blood; he had tried to stop it, tired to save her. The past and the present mingled and distorted reality. He could see, smell and even taste the coppery blood. The Rain did nothing to wash away his constant torment; the walk did nothing to calm his nerves like it usually would. His eyes burned like they had so many years ago, with fear of what was to come, he was trapped within the memory. But, this time he would _not_ cry. He wasn't and had never been worthy. As her final scream assaulted him he fell to his knees and emptied his stomach.

With his energy spent he moved away from the mess he had just made and realised that he was in a park, he had no idea when or how he had gotten there but he was alone now, so he was safe. Safety and a loving family had been the only things he had ever wanted; he had that here at NCIS. But, was he going to be the one that ruined it all, _again_? Moving onto a bench he rested his elbows on his knees and buried his head in his hands, trying to regain his composure and trying to figure out a way of explaining to Gibbs why he had just walked away…

x-X-x

Back at the crime scene…

Gibbs' trained eyes looked over the crime scene before giving his orders. The house looked normal from the outside, nothing amiss. Upon looking inside there were a few bloody boot prints, as if the perpetrator had moved quick to get out, maybe, to make it look like a robbery. In what seemed to be a living area, a glass coffee table was smashed as was the 32' television, the shards littering the floor. Being careful of disturbing the evidence, Gibbs and team followed the boot prints towards the back of the house.

The silence of the crime scene was unsettling; there was none of the usual chatter from his team. He took a quick look at Tony, seeing him slightly pale faced caused him concern. Crime scenes were like candy to Tony, he did love his job. Thinking about it though, it had been quiet on the way to the scene. He knew that something was bothering the agent but didn't have the time to speak to him yet, they had a case to solve.

Focusing back on to the scene, they moved towards what looked like a basement door. The boot prints seemed to be coming away from the door. Having been told when they arrived at the scene where the body was, they made their way down the slightly dusty stairs. If Gibbs had been watching his senior field agent at the time he would have noticed all the remaining colour drain from his face, and would have noticed the somewhat stunned looks on Kate's and McGee's faces when said agent turned and walked away.

As it was, Gibbs had been momentarily stunned by the state of the body. Not taking his eyes away from the open vacant eyes of the body he issued his orders. Still looking over the body he noted that the young woman's face was the mask of terror, her mount open as if she'd been screaming at the time of her demise, and her eyes staring into nothing. Around the room, he noticed the floor and the walls splattered with blood. The cause of it being the deep knife wound across her throat. There were also quite a few other wounds upon the body, ones meant to cause pain but not death. That was when he turned around to find himself missing one agent.

"Where the hell is DiNozzo!" Gibbs shouted, breaking the other agents out of their shocked silences.

"W-we don't know boss." Stuttered a nervous McGee, he had never seen Gibbs this mad yet.

"Get to work!" Gibbs ordered tersely, storming off to find his wayward agent. He was stopped partly out of the front door when Ducky arrived.

"Ah Jethro…" the doctor stopped at the mutinous look in his friend's eyes. He waited for a moment for Jethro to calm a little before asking his question.

"What seems to be the problem?" Gibbs glared in response to the question. Ducky sighed knowing that Gibbs wouldn't be forthcoming with any answers. He was surprised when Gibbs responded.

"DiNozzo." he spat out rather harshly. Ducky could see the rush in his friend and decided not to draw this conversation out any longer. Again Ducky was surprised when it was Gibbs that spoke next.

"He's disappeared Duck, he seems off, and he hasn't been concentrating all morning." Gibbs sighed, he knew that he needed to get to his agent, though he didn't get the feeling that his agent was in trouble, just that there was something wrong. If anyone knew what was wrong with Tony it would either be Ducky or Abby, he at least spoke with them on occasion. Why Tony just wouldn't come to him hurt him a little, he liked to think that his agents could come to him if they needed help.

"Ah, Jethro, Abigail has expressed some concerns for him to, but it would be best if you allow him to tell you, I believe it is a bad time of year for him." Ducky really hadn't even wanted to have said that, but if Anthony was even dodging work, it seemed he needed help with what was troubling him.

"You know something I don't, Duck?" Gibbs glared again.

"Jethro, you know that I wouldn't breach the trust he has put in me, you should ask him yourself. But, I ask that you be careful in what you say and how you say it, one wrong word or action and he will push you away." Gibbs merely nodded in reply. Ducky stepped aside entering the house in search of the body.

Pulling out his cell phone he called in another agent to watch over Kate and McGee so he could go and find Tony. The next person he called was Abby, maybe, she would know more.

"_Abby's lab, how may I help you today?"_ Gibbs smiled a little at the joyous tone. She always did say different things when answering the phone.

"Abs, can you get a trace on DiNozzo's cell?"

"_Oh, hey bossman, Tony isn't in trouble is he?"_ her voice wavered a little.

"Abs, can you do it or not?" he asked completely ignoring the growing panic in the young lab tech's voice.

"_Yeah but…"_

"Abby!" she rattled off the location, Gibbs was about to put the phone down when she spoke again.

"_Gibbs, please look after him, he has been all hinky for a few days and he isn't talking, even to me, I just know there is something bugging him. Please Gibbs." _

"I know Abby, I will." With that he disconnected the call and got into his car, heading towards the nearest park in search of Tony.

x-X-x

It seemed to have stopped raining for the time being, therefore, making it easier to see Tony from the car. Gibbs thought back to this time last year and the year before. He was shocked to find that each year around this time Tony had seemed quieter and more subdued; the shocking thing was that he was only noticing now. But, Kate hadn't seemed to notice last year either or, maybe, they just hadn't been looking closely enough. He needed to fix this now, before him seeming like he didn't care caused the younger man to run and leave NCIS.

He cursed after trying Tony's cell and getting no answer. At first, he thought maybe, his agent just needed a little time, but now he was more concerned than mad. And he didn't like it one bit. It meant he cared far more than he had before, and far more than he had been willing to care in the past. He sighed again; maybe, it was time for a little change.

Upon pulling up near the park he looked for Tony, thoughts and words going round in his head. He wasn't the best at these conversations but he could feel that Tony needed him. Before, Tony did anything stupid. Finding his agent, he stopped, just to observe. His gut twisted in worry at the state of the man before him. Tony looked lost in his thoughts with his head in his hands and he could see him tremble slightly. Walking up slowly so he wouldn't startle him Gibbs spoke softly, concern lacing his voice. When his agent looked up he saw so much anguish within his brilliant green eyes that it hurt him. The eyes darted away, trying not to look at him. Gibbs moved infront of his agent, bending down so he was on eye level. His knees protested but he didn't care.

"Tony? You with me?" he asked trying to ignore the panic and fear in the younger man's eyes. _Why would he be scared?_

_Crap!_ Tony thought, his boss wasn't meant to follow him, actually, wasn't meant to find him until he had pulled himself together. _Can't tell, can't tell, can't tell _was the mantra in his head, if he told, people would get hurt. _You're weak if you tell_, his father's voice sneered. Tony really wanted to tell his boss, he knew he needed help but years of being told not to, made it so he wouldn't. It had been his fault anyway; he didn't deserve any sympathy for what happened. And he didn't want anyone's pity. Tony jumped when a hand held his chin. The hand forced him to look in to the cobalt blue eyes of his boss, all he saw was compassion, no judgement. But he still couldn't tell, if he did, Gibbs would get hurt, his father would find out. He always did. He tried to turn away but the hand held still.

"Tony? Tell me what's going on." Gibbs could see the fight in Tony's eyes and it didn't look like he was getting anywhere. This had Gibbs questioning who had put that fear in his agent. He had an inkling, but wasn't going to jump to any conclusion unless Tony told him. He waited for a moment, the battle continued. He was going to ask again when Tony finally spoke, his voice barely a whisper and his eyes blinking back tears that hadn't fallen yet.

"Can't tell, never tell." Gibbs' heart broke at the childlike voice. It sounded so damned lost and broken, he didn't know what to do next. He was losing the fight to hold on to his own emotions but had to keep them in check, he could see what Duck had meant now. One wrong look or word would cause Tony to run. Maybe, if Tony was somewhere safe then he would tell and then Gibbs could help. Gibbs knew that it had to be pretty bad just looking at the effects it was having on his agent; he just hoped that he'd be able to do something. Looking once more into the lost eyes of his senior field agent he spoke softly.

"Come on Tony; let's get you warmed up and into some dry clothes." Gibbs would take him home, hoping he could get him to open up and to relax a little. He could still see the fear and feel the tremors under his hand. He barely noticed the slight nod of Tony's head. He wondered what the admission of needing a little help would cost the younger man but he would help anyway he could now.

Tony swayed a little; Gibbs grabbed his arms gently then put his arm around the younger man's waist, holding him up and headed towards the car. The conversation would have to wait until they got to his house…

TBC

_Wow that was a little longer than planned but oh well Hehe so they had a little moment there I do hoped you liked it. The actual conversation will come in the next chapter and you will find answers to some of your questions, if you haven't already worked it out. Please read and review. _


	3. Thoughts and Conversations part 1

_Wow I'm amazed at the response for this story; I mean 20 reviews for the last chapter thanks muchly. Here's the awaited conversation and that's all it is purely Tony and Gibbs for the next two chapters so bare with me, I will get back to the case at the end of the next chapter because it will play a part in this story. _

**Chapter 3- Thoughts and Conversations part 1**

Gibbs could almost feel all the emotions coming off the younger agent, he had the impression that even Tony didn't know all the emotions he was going through. Tony's posture was defensive and stiff, his eyes sightlessly looking through the windshield of the car, not seeing the road or the other cars. Only seeing a past that his mind and body weren't able to handle alone. The elder agent wondered if it had been this hard each time this time of year came, each time he was reminded of what he was hiding from. Had Tony ever dealt with it? Had he been allowed to deal with it? From the evidence in front of him Gibbs knew that the answer had been no. But what was it that had caused such a reaction in the care-free agent. He needed the answers if he was going to be any help at all. His gut was telling him that this was going to be a long night and that the younger man wouldn't give up any information willingly.

There lay the other problem. What was stopping Tony from telling him? Who had told him he wasn't to tell. Why did it seem like Tony was blaming himself? There were too many questions that needed answering, too many walls Gibbs would need to break down before his agent told him anything. How long had the walls been there? He wondered. Why were they there anyway? Would he really be able to help?

The question that was bugging him the most was, had he really seen or known the real Tony DiNozzo? Was everything just an act? He realised that the younger man only seemed to speak about things that didn't matter, was that his protection? His persona? Tony was the best undercover agent that NCIS had to offer. _That_, is what had intrigued him about the younger agent in Baltimore. Now he was questioning why Tony was so good at undercover. Was it because he had always been undercover and had to lean to protect who he really was when he was young? Or had he just learnt it over the years on different forces? He brain and gut were both telling him that it was the first, and he didn't like where that led or what it meant.

The silence was restricting, almost suffocating, like a vacuum only filled with emotion. Pain, fear, shame, guilt, every negative emotion, it didn't even have hope. Outside was filled with the hope of life and everything, a future, a life that Tony wanted but didn't feel he deserved. There was no sun shining in the sky, only rain clouds could be seen, hanging on to their rain, fit to burst but still not releasing. But still, the outside had a hope that would be enveloped by the negative atmosphere within the car if the boundary was ever breached. Then there would be no getting that hope back.

Gibbs seemed to be able to only watch as his agent spun in to a dark pit of self-hate and guilt. The voice he had heard was not the Tony he knew, it didn't even hold a hint of him. Gibbs cursed the memory or the person that had hurt his agent so deeply. He had felt his agent tense and tremble beneath his fingers and he wanted to help, he really did. But he had no idea what he could do. What he could say to bring back his senior field agent? And _that,_ is what scared him. He needed to at least try, before, they got to his house.

"Tony?" he waited a moment, getting no response, not even a sideways glace. It was painful to see his usually lively agent so despondent and still.

"Tony? Tell me what's going on, please?" again all Tony did was stare blankly out of the window, ignoring the unusual occurrence of the word please. _Crap,_ it must be really bad Gibbs thought.

Tony knew Gibbs was talking and trying to help him but he couldn't, _no_, wouldn't do that to Gibbs. Everyone needed him. Gibbs meant everything to him on a professional level and somewhat personal, he supposed that what he felt towards Gibbs was how he should feel toward his own father. He wouldn't destroy Gibbs' career just because he couldn't deal with a stupid memory, a memory that he deserved to remember as it had been his fault anyway. He didn't deserve Gibbs caring or being nice to him, none of it, _nothing._

But, what else was he suppose to do? Was he suppose to just go on now and forget that he had looked weak in front of the person he wanted to look strong for? Was he supposed to ignore the help offered? He hadn't been offered any before, so what the hell was he suppose to do with it. Accept it, ignore it, run from it? Could he accept it even with what happened the last time? The memories came back to him.

***

_It had only been a few weeks after hearing her last scream; he was reliving it again when he had fallen asleep in class. He screamed. Some of the others laughed at him. The teacher looked at him with concern and asked him to step outside. She asked him to tell, he was so tired, so he did. _

_The week after, his father must have heard that he told her because when he walked into an after class lesson she was dead, apparently an accidental overdose. Her eyes had been open just like hers had been a few weeks before. _

_He ran out of the class, towards home. After that, he didn't remember much but the family's personal physician was called in and he was kept in bed for a week. Even with light sedatives the doctor had forced on him he could still hear her tortured screams. His father looked at him with disgust. He was weak. His father was right._

_***_

"Nooo" Tony silently mumbled. He couldn't face finding Gibbs like that, he couldn't tell. _Please don't make me Gibbs, please_ he begged in his head.

"Tony?" the voice stopped Tony's train of thought. Was Gibbs trying to get himself killed? "Tony, please talk to me."

"Can't…you'll get hurt…please don't" the pleading in the voice and the anguish in Tony's green eyes broke Gibbs' heart even more. Someone had done a real number on Tony in the past. They were now in the driveway of his house. He just needed to get Tony settled then maybe, he would talk.

Tony was confused, Gibbs had used please and that was unusual. Gibbs actually cared, he knew that. Gibbs could look after himself, he knew that too. But…but, the fear was still there, suffocation him until he couldn't breathe. He needed to get out, out of the car, far away from Gibbs, to keep him safe. Having made up his mind he got out of the car and started to walk away, mumbling over and over again.

"Got to keep you safe, got to go away to keep you safe." Tony started to walk away, not really sure where he was going.

The lack of food and sleep made his vision grey and he collapsed to his knees again, this time however, he was caught by strong arms. He tried to shrink back from them but they held strong, yet comforting, he didn't know what this new feeling was. Was it safety? Why did he all of a sudden feel safe. Soon all the fight that had been in his body left him and he was just content to sit there and be held by strong arms. He finally let the tears fall, when the arms only got tighter he suddenly realised that maybe, Gibbs wouldn't judge him. Gibbs would just be there and listen. Gibbs was mumbling soothing words into Tony's ear and softly stroking Tony's hair back off of his face. Like he would a child.

As Tony's tears fell, so did the rain. Gibbs helped his agent up, not needing to speak, only needing to be a presence for his agent to cling on to, and moved them to his couch. Yep, Gibbs thought it was going to be a long night, but it would be worth it if it got Tony back to normal. Gibbs felt the tension drain from the younger man in his arms as he cried. He could only hope that Tony wouldn't be embarrassed about it later on. He knew Tony didn't want to be seen as weak but everyone had weak moments, and he was damned if he was going to judge one of his own agents for it. Gibbs also knew that if he messed this up then Tony would lose his last hope at anything normal, without hope what was there to live for. He refused to mess something this important up…

TBC

_Well I've decided to split this up and have the big reveal in the next chapter. I really hope you all liked this. I know it was OOC but it was good to write. _


	4. The case, Nightmares and Conversations 2

_Okay so I did put a little bit of the case in this chapter but it isn't really that much. Thanks for all the alerts and reviews for this story so far, sorry it has taken so long to get this chapter out but i made it extra long. Real life got a little busy for a bit and my muse lost its writing power lol now to the next chapter where some things may be revealed._

**Chapter 4- The case, Nightmares and Conversations Part Two**

Sipping his ever present coffee, Gibbs watched from the doorway as his agent slept. He knew he wouldn't stay asleep for long but it would help, at least, he thought it would. The rest of the house was quiet, all that could be heard was a light pitter-patter of the rain on the windows, it was almost calming. _Almost_. The house held a certain air of tension, like awaiting something; he already figured that it could only be bad after the events so far that day.

He hadn't managed to get anymore information out of his agent yet; he just hoped that after Tony had rested a bit he would tell. Obviously whatever _it_ was, it was eating at the younger agent but he couldn't help yet. Not until he had an idea why. But why hadn't Tony told him before now? They had been working together for threes years now. Did Tony trust him at all? He winced at the question, of course the kid trusted him, well, professionally anyway. The kid had damn near been eager as a puppy at the start, trying everything to please him, he'd settled down a lot now, Gibbs had watched him become a great agent. Yes, he needed a few head slaps now and again, but he never made a mistake twice.

If he was honest, he was proud of the agent the younger man had become, despite being disowned by his own family. He had tried to find out more about that but gotten nowhere, he really wondered what he wasn't finding and judging by his agent's reactions today, it can't have been good. He had his own share of memories from his past and could understand his agent's reluctance, but it was more than that and he knew it. The younger man was scared about telling, he at least had had pretty decent CO's that had set him straight, it didn't seem that anyone had even cared to do that for Tony.

Knowing that he still had a case to solve, he sighed and picked up his cell to call Kate. He needed to see where they were on the case. He himself shouldn't have left the crime scene but he had apprised the Director and felt that the other agent he had called would do the job well enough until he was back on the case. For some reason he had the feeling that Tony was more important at the moment, again he didn't know why but he knew that Ducky had agreed with him as he hadn't tried to stop him leaving, if anything Ducky had pushed him a little with saying that Abby was concerned about Tony as well. Looking briefly at his agent sleeping somewhat soundly on his sofa he smiled softly, thinking back to when Kelly had fallen asleep years before. The call connected.

"_Special Agent Todd."_

"Sit-Rep." he barked out gruffly.

"_Gibbs?"_ her voice questioning.

"Ya think! Now, what do we got?"

"_At the moment Gibbs, not a lot, all we have is a name; A Petty Officer Cassandra Lynn. Abby is going over the bloody boot prints to see if they can be matched to anyone that may have known the petty officer. McGee is checking all her credit card activities and phone records, nothing out of the ordinary yet."_ She stopped seeing if there was anything that Gibbs was going to add. When she didn't carry on Gibbs got a little frustrated.

"Get anything from the neighbours?" his tone bordering on angry. At the moment all they had was a name and _that_ wasn't exactly going to solve the case.

"_No, all we got was that she was a very private person, was always at work. They couldn't think of anyone who would want to kill her. They all said she seemed nice when they did talk to her." _

Gibbs sighed again setting his mug down on to his kitchen table. They had to be missing something, but what. Giving Kate more orders he disconnected the phone. He tried to think of anything that may help the case, they had a lot of trace evidence but nothing that would point to the motives or who the killer was.

He also, had nothing as to why Tony had acted that way upon seeing the crime scene. He briefly wondered if it was similar to a case Tony may have had on one of the other forces he had worked at. Making another phone call he asked for similar style murders cases to be sent to headquarters, the team could look over them tomorrow. Hopefully by then Tony would be up to getting back to work, he didn't want to make the agent work, but he had the damnedest ways of making connections to things that other agents couldn't, sometimes it even came from all the movies he had watched. Gibbs smiled wryly at that thought.

At times like this he almost wished that he was more technical minded and had a computer at home, if he were then he would just look at DiNozzo's file. Though, he had already done a background check when he had hired him, nothing had screamed out at him at the time, maybe, he should be digging deeper he wondered. What wasn't he finding? Why wasn't he finding it?

Scrubbing his hand over his face, then sipping at the now cold coffee he winced at the taste, moving to make another he looked up at the time, almost 6 pm. Tony had been sleeping a little restlessly for an hour of so. He figured the younger man would most likely sleep for a bit more, so he moved towards his basement, planning to work on his boat for a while. However, before he got anywhere near the door to his basement he heard a strangled cry.

Knowing it was coming from his agent he moved beside Tony in an instant. Tony was flailing wildly, his skin covered in a cold sweat; he seemed to be trapped within his nightmare. Gibbs stopped him before he could fall off the sofa. Trying to get his agent's attention he raised his voice, he couldn't let Tony stay in the nightmare any longer…

x-X-x

_A 10 year old Tony DiNozzo sat huddled in a corner of the damp, dingy basement. His head resting on his knees and arms wrapped as tightly as possible around himself. The shivering in his small body hadn't stopped for days; he couldn't remember anything but the cold now. He hadn't been 'visited' for at least a day now. _

_Maybe, it was because she was already dead. He didn't want to believe them but…but he'd seen it. He'd been forced to watch as they took her life. Now, they had left, were they coming back? What was going to happen next? He would have thought about all these things but his mind kept on replying all her screams and when she had been killed. The trembling increase ten-fold as he remembered the precise moment his life changed, she was gone, and never coming back. _

_*flashback- the day before*_

_The blindfold and gag were harshly ripped from his face and his arms forced to his sides, he struggled to get away from them but they held strong. She yelped as she was also grabbed. _

"_P-please don't hurt her." He begged, not being able to keep the fear out of his voice. She meant everything to him; he didn't want to see her hurt. She looked towards him, her eyes just as green as his, the look fear filled but protective. _

"_Tony, it will be okay. Everything will be okay, I promise." Her soft voice wavered a little. He nodded meekly, trying really hard to believe that. The men around them chuckled as they watched the tender scene before them._

"_Oh how sweet." One snorted mockingly. "This will be fun boys." The voice was met with nods of approval. _

_To scared to say anything, Tony watching as they turned to her and took out a knife, tears starting making tracks down his small face as they dug the knife into her shoulder, she screamed a little. He flinched at the sound. He was sure he would never forget that and the following screams as they systematically dug the knife into her, followed by her screams of agony. _

_He wanted to turn away but they held his face straight, he wanted to close his eyes but they held them open. The hands tightened around his arms as he tried to struggle away, trying to get to her, trying to save her. Being only ten years old he couldn't do anything but it didn't mean he wouldn't try. His voice had become hoarse through screaming at them to stop, stop hurting her. They hadn't done anything to anyone, why were theses people doing this? He questioned to himself as they momentarily stopped the attack on her. _

_Blood was trickling out of the multiply wounds on her body, she was unconscious for the moment. He'd never seen this sort of thing, not even to this extent in the James Bond movies he liked. He knew that people shouldn't lose that much blood either. He tried to get out of the grip again and this time he found himself falling to the floor, it was hard, cold and damp and his body ached from falling but he didn't care. He needed to get out of their grasp and to her, he'd been taught a little first aid when EMT's had come into school at one point. _

_The men in the room just laughed as the boy crawled over to the unconscious body of their victim, their boss would be coming round later to finish the job. They could do what they wanted to cause her pain, as long as they didn't kill her. The Boy was a different matter; they wanted him to watch as they killed her, they would deal with him next if his father wouldn't do as they said the second time. _

_Tony had been trying to get her to awaken but had failed when the door was slammed open again. He jumped at the sound, terrified that something more was going to happen. He held on to her hand, trying to offer some sort of comfort like she would when he'd been sick in the past. The man that had entered the room tore him away from her, he cried out a little but it was cut short as hands restrained him again. They were telling him to keep quiet, but he wasn't listening all he wanted to do was to escape from them, with her still alive._

_The next few minutes were a blur to Tony; she struggled awake when the guy seized her. She tried to speak to him, to tell him it was okay but…it wasn't. She screamed as the guy dug the knife in somewhere else, as she screamed he grabbed her hair roughly and slide the knife across her throat, the blood dribbled down her neck. Tony had screamed himself quiet as he begged them to stop. As quickly as the guy had come into the room he left, along with the others. _

_Tony had been dropped again, making his way across the crimson stained floor, his clothes and hands getting covered in her blood. He looked into her eyes as they lost the light, as he lost a part of him. his strength waning he held her hand gently, again as if to comfort. He didn't want to believe it, believe what he'd seen. It had to be fake, had to be something from a movie. Wasn't it? Please. Leaning his head on her chest he tried to hear the heart beat, nothing. A terrible sense of loss overpowered him, he knew she was…was…d-d…he didn't want to say it. Couldn't. If he did it would be real. Letting go of her hand he moved over to a corner, his eyes not looking away from the eyes that resembled his own…_

_A voice broke through the hazy scenes…_

x-X-x

"Tony, wake up, it's just a nightmare." Gibbs almost pleaded; he had been trying to get Tony attention for the past ten minutes. His agent was trembling beneath him, his breathing ragged and tears silently trickling down his face. Gibbs needed to get this out of his agent now before it broke him.

Before Gibbs could do anything more Tony shot up and away from Gibbs. Gibbs tried to grab for him but failed as Tony practically ran and shoved himself into a corner of the room. Knowing his agent's mind still hadn't quite caught up, he moved slowly towards Tony. Gibbs vaguely wondered whether or not he should call Ducky, but knowing Ducky would still be doing the autopsy he decided against it.

"Tony?" Gibbs called out softly. The only response he got was that Tony looked up warily at him; his eyes clouded by such pain and confusion Gibbs immediately got angry at the people who had but that look on his agent's face. Thinking the anger was directed at him Tony looked away, not wanting to do anything more to anger his boss.

Gibbs cursed to himself for not controlling his emotions better, needing Tony to talk to him he got down to Tony's level and placed a comforting hand on his agent's arm which was wrapped around his knees.

"Tony? Tell me what's going on." Tony looked at him, looking like he was trying to gauge his mood.

Tony really needed help to deal with this, and he knew it. But, his head was telling him that Gibbs would only get hurt if he told just like his teacher had. But…but Gibbs was a marine, he could look after himself and if Tony could at least function then he'd be able to help to protect his friends. His head started pounding and started showing flashes of other images, ones he couldn't tell anyone about. This one however, maybe he could. It would make it easier…but he didn't deserve easier, didn't deserve anyone's care.

"DiNozzo." Gibbs grumbled, maybe a different approach was necessary. For some reason the tone of the voice and the normalcy of it made Tony feel safe but still…how could he explain to Gibbs what had happened, he was sure it wasn't in his file. His father had seen to that.

"I-I-I…S-she…they…" Tony stuttered, his voice held nothing of the man Gibbs knew, and more like a lost child.

Moving a little closer Tony flinched a little but Gibbs still had a comforting hold on his agent who stopped and looked to him. The amount of trust held in the gaze almost took Gibbs' breath away, he knew the younger man trust him but this…this was like Tony had his whole faith in him, him, a certified bastard. He needed to do the right thing otherwise he would lose the younger agent.

"T-they…Killed her." Tony's breathing hitched, trying to fight back the new flood of tears in his eyes.

"Who?" Tony looked away again and the trembling increased. Tony was lost in the memory again; Gibbs gently lay he hand on Tony cheek and turned his head towards him.

"Tony? Who did they kill?"

"H-her…my…m-mother." With that the tears fell, Tony couldn't help but push Gibbs' hand way not wanting anyone to touch him, he'd admitted it and it hurt, he had known it was true...but, he supposed he was still in denial.

Gibbs was momentarily shocked and lost for words, he knew that Tony's mother was dead, that was in his file but it had been deemed an accident. Thinking about what had brought them to this subject today he managed to find his voice.

"Was it similar to the crime scene this morning?" Tony nodded in reply. His eyes darting away from Gibbs, not wanting to see pity.

Well, at least he had the answer to the question of why he had left the crime scene, but the whole thing didn't feel right, why had Tony reacted so badly. Had he been there when it happened?…_Aw hell. _

"Tony? Were you there when it happened?" Somehow Gibbs expected the nod when it came and how colour was drained from Tony's face. He even expected the way Tony tried to huddle even smaller into the corner.

"I'm sorry boss." Now, that he wasn't expecting, what the hell was DiNozzo apologising for.

"You have nothing to apologise for Tony." he tried to reassure him.

"But-"

"Damn it DiNozzo, it wasn't your fault." He knew he shouldn't have shouted but it seemed to get the right reaction when he heard a sleepy 'Yes boss' as the agent fell into an exhausted sleep in his arms. Briefly stroking Tony's hair he managed to get him back to the sofa. Hopefully now Tony could sleep a little better. They could talk again in the morning.

Gibbs already knew that Tony's mother's 'accident' had happened when he was ten; he just couldn't imagine how Tony had managed to cope so far with that memory so bottled up. Or, why Tony hadn't told him before. He wondered if Abby or Ducky even knew. He would speak to them tomorrow when they got back to work. Looking up at the clock again he realised that he had been sitting with his agent for a little over an hour. He would have easily sat there the whole day if it meant Tony would finally talk to him.

A grim smile graced his face, he was happy that Tony had spoken to him but what had been said shocked him. It hurt to see Tony's so unsure and scared and all the other emotions that had crossed his face, he had seen the guilt as well, that is why he told Tony it wasn't his fault, whoever had made him believe that Gibbs wanted to find and kill, though for some reason he knew that it had something to do with DiNozzo's father. Sitting across from the sofa with a coffee mug in hand he watched as the last of the sun light faded and his agent sleep…

TBC

_Like I said it was rather long, it's back to the case next chapter, hope you all stick around for it, this story is no where near over yet. Will Gibbs tell the others what he has found out? How will they act in the morning? You will have to wait and see. Thanks for reading and please review._


	5. A few things revealed

_Thanks all for the amazing reviews; they encourage me so much to keep writing. Hope you like this next chapter. Not a lot happens but it progresses the story a little. _

**Chapter 5- A few things revealed . **

After getting Tony upstairs in to an actual bed, he had amazingly, managed to sleep for the rest of the night. Gibbs however, hadn't, he was trying to think of a way Tony would be safe during this case, if it was the same person who had killed Tony's mother then he could be the next target. Leaving the bathroom after his usual morning routines; Gibbs padded barefoot into his kitchen to put a pot of coffee on, he had a feeling he would need it, especially today.

He wondered slightly how Tony would act when he woke up; it would be either to forget that last night ever happened or to be really embarrassed, though for some reason he had the feeling that it would be a mix of both. Tony always did have a way of surprising him, most of the time for good things. Not that he told him, maybe, that should change he thought. Hearing movement from upstairs, he got breakfast started.

Waking up slowly, Tony took in the unfamiliar surrounds and panicked a little, his memories of the last day were somewhat blurry. Rubbing his gritty eyes, the previous day came back to him in full force, he barely made it to the bathroom before he was sick again. Old and new flashes of memory flittered before his eyes as he washed the foul taste out of his mouth. For some reason he felt safe, he had never felt such safety before and that's when he knew where he was, he was at Gibbs' house.

Groaning in embarrassment, he remembered how he had acted in front of his boss, maybe he could resign now. Or, maybe, Gibbs would forget the whole thing if he acted like it hadn't happened. Yep, the second one sounded best, that way he could once and for all get this guy. Looking at the reflection in the mirror he had to wince a little, the look in his eye was lost, he needed to change that and fast. Before he got in to work. Dragging one of his masked on he forced his face into a smile, albeit a little dimmer than the usual, it was still a smile. Though he doubted it would work on Gibbs, hopefully it would work on the others.

"Morning, Boss." Came an all too cheery tone from the bottom for the staircase. Gibbs took in the state his senior field agent was in. For all intents and purposes he looked like the last day hadn't happened, he was still a little pale but the smile plastered on his face showed him that one Tony DiNozzo was back to hiding his true self. He sighed, he knew Tony wouldn't want to talk about it again, but if he was going to help then Tony needed to speak. Gibbs knew how bad memories could come back and bite you in the ass when you weren't expecting it; he would need to keep an eye on Tony for the time being. Placing a plate of toast on the table he spoke with the gruffness he usually would. He'd opted for toast because it was light on the stomach and he knew from experience that Tony wouldn't be hungry after re-living something like that, hell, no one would.

"Sit. Eat." He saw a look of gratitude in Tony's eyes, with that he knew that Tony remembered what happened but was happy that Gibbs wouldn't push it unless it was necessary. After finishing up they started making their way to work.

Gibbs for once took his time in driving, there was no need to rush, and they were already early. He'd hoped that he'd get more out of Tony but it seemed that he was just content with sitting in a comfortable silence. Gibbs worried a little though, DiNozzo and silence didn't mix and if he was still quiet at work then Kate was sure to push too far. Making a decision he decided to ask Tony a few questions. His tone was calm and a little caring for a change.

"Do you want to tell them or should I?" Wincing at the question, he immediately saw the shift. The little movements he had been making stilled, and Tony was unsure of the answer.

"Do they have to know?" He asked, his voice small.

"They have to know something DiNozzo; they'll ask questions about you leaving them at the crime scene yesterday." To his surprise this elicited a small smile from DiNozzo.

"Not one of my best moves, eh boss?"

"No" Gibbs confirmed. He could sense the turmoil the younger man was feeling, he tried to calm him a little. "You don't have to let them know a lot, just the bits that could help the current case as it seems familiar, right?"

Tony sighed, he knew she shouldn't have left them high and dry yesterday, he just couldn't think at the time. And he knew they would need something to go on. When he had first gotten in to the force he had tried tracking down the people who had done it from what he remembered, knowing he had the file in his desk was calming him a little. Maybe, they could finally get this guy, especially with Gibbs on the case to. Nodding in response to Gibbs question and to the fact he would be the one to tell them all he wanted to, Gibbs gave an encouraging smile.

The rest of the drive was spent in silence. Tony started out the window, watching as people went about their lives; it always amazed him about how much some people didn't know about crime. Some heard things on the news, well the big cases anyway, they had no idea that quite a few people were killed each week, not all of them got on the news after all. Moving around a little to get more comfortable, he watched as the sun continued to rise, the sky was clear for the moment but the reports this morning had said storm clouds were rolling in.

Arriving at the bull pen after stopping for coffee, Tony got to work on that file he had started years ago. Gibbs watched him for a moment before heading down to autopsy to see how ducky was getting along on the case.

"What ya got for me Ducky?"

"Ah Jethro, I was wondering when you'd get in, I assume you saw to dear Anthony?" Ducky questioned.

"He tell you what happened to his Mother, Duck?"

"No, but as I believe it was all a rather unfortunate accident." Gibbs' scowl unsettled the elderly ME a little. "It wasn't an accident was it Jethro?" Then it all fell into place, the crime scene and Anthony's reaction to it. "Oh dear." He sighed.

Gibbs figured he hadn't really told Ducky anything, just helped him along in figuring it out. Tony could yell at him later for all he cared, he knew Ducky was the bet person to know in the long run, the team would find out soon enough and he knew Tony did come and talk to ducky some times.

"What do we do about it Duck?"

"I'm afraid given how stubborn our boy is, all we can do is make sure he knows he isn't alone." Nodding in agreement Gibbs continued getting caught up with the case.

Back in the bull pen…

Still pissed at Tony and Gibbs for leaving her and McGee to do most of the work, Kate all but stormed into the bull pen. Her eyes narrowed when she saw Tony, he was just sat there as if nothing had happened.

"You wanna tell me why me and McGee were left doing the work yesterday, DiNozzo." She immediately regretted the tone as Tony flinched and almost tumbled out of his chair. Expecting some sort of comment back, she was surprised when he just ignored her and got back to work. This was when she remembered the look from yesterday at the crime scene. Noticing that he still looked pale, she softened her tone.

"Tony?" She asked moving a little closer until she reached his desk. When he looked up he had a smile plastered on his face as if he hadn't jumped a second ago, she knew what was coming but knew his heart wasn't in it.

"Aww Katie, you almost sound like you care." The tone holding a somewhat bitter edge, she supposed she deserved that and let it go. She would ask him later when no one else was around if he really was okay.

"DiNozzo!" Shouted an angry Gibbs.

"Yeah, boss?" He replied

"Get down to Abby, see what she's found." Nodding and picking up the file on his desk he went off to see Abby. She would brighten his day up a little; maybe, he should tell her some of what was bothering him. I mean she was like a little sister who only wanted to help.

Watching him go Gibbs immediately turned on Kate. "You wanna tell me why you felt it necessary to tell him off."

"Gibbs I-" she stuttered at the glare she was being thrown.

"I don't want to hear it Special Agent Todd, when you're leading your own team then you can yell at them. When you're on _my_ team, you follow _my_ rules." He was beyond angry, she was meant to be the profiler on the team, sometimes she could be blind to Tony's moods and frankly if she couldn't do the job he hired her for she could go.

Storming off to find more coffee, he let her think about what she had done. Hopefully her words wouldn't cause Tony to run, that's part of the reason he'd sent him down to Abby. After grabbing some real coffee, he headed to Abby's lab, hoping Tony was still in the building.

Kate could only watch as Gibbs stormed away, she only seen him so angry once. When Ari had infiltrated. Not knowing why, she hoped she would be let in on Tony's behaviour, though she wouldn't blame him if he didn't tell her after what she had said. McGee's arrival forced her into work mode again and they got to work trying to solve who had murdered the petty officer.

Down in Abby's lab…

Striding out of the elevator emitting false confidence, Tony gathered his thoughts. How would he tell her something like he was about to with out her getting hurt, the fear that Gibbs would get hurt now he knew was stronger now than it had been this morning. Smiling at the sight of the hyper Abby twirling around her lab to the ever present music, he stepped in. At first she didn't notice him, until he turned her music off.

She glared and started to say his name, only to be interrupted by Gibbs entering then one of her machines dinging, a picture came up on the plasma.

Tony froze and suddenly felt exposed to everything, it was the picture he wasn't hoping for. He'd hope that they weren't connected, that he wouldn't be responsible for another death. He knew he couldn't protect them; he needed to run, to keep them safe. With the face came the helplessness he had felt years ago and the feeling of not being able to do anything…

TBC

_I know it was a bad place to leave it but I will write the next chapter ASAP, hope you liked it, please read and review. _


	6. He's back

_Again, thanks muchly for the reviews and alerts for this story and welcome to new readers and reviewers. Now on with the chapter. These chapters seem to keep wanting to be long. _

**Chapter 6- He's Back**

Hoping that Tony was still in Abby's lab, Gibbs moved swiftly off the elevator, he smiled a little as he heard the ding of one of Abby's machines. He always did seem to have impeccable timing when it came to getting results from Abby. Seeing Tony was there, he relaxed a little knowing that he wouldn't have to go looking for the younger agent.

Drawing their attention to the picture that appeared on the screen of the plasma, they almost didn't hear the strangled gasp of the other agent in the room. Spinning around at the unusual sound and taking notice of Tony's very pale complexion as the papers in the file scattered to the ground as they fell softly, Abby jumped into action.

"Tony! What's wrong?" she asked, her voice both worried and a little too hyper from all the caff-pow. Gibbs had seen the look in Tony's eyes the day before and knew what was about to happen, but he was too late to stop Abby from being Abby. He could only watch in sympathy as Abby got too close to Tony, only wanting to help but not knowing how Tony would react.

Tony's breathing became erratic as the image brought up memories, ones where the man in the photo took the life of his mother. It was like he was there again. He didn't want anyone near him, he had to get away to keep them all safe. He flinched violently away from her, not wanting her to get hurt because of him, and carried on moving away until he reached a wall of the lab.

Abby could only watch and gasp in shock at the state of her friend. She'd known him for a while now and never once had she seen that look in his eyes, he looked so scared so,….lost? She dearly wanted to help him but he moved away from her caring touch. It pained her to watch as he slid down the wall, placing his head on his knees and wrapped his hands around them. Tears sprung in her eyes and she turned to Gibbs looking for answers.

"Gibbs, what's happening, what's wrong with Tony-" Knowing she was getting into nervous ramble mode, Gibbs cut her off.

"Abby, where did the picture come from?" First he needed to know if it even had anything to do with the crime scene earlier.

"It came off a partial print Kate found smeared on a wall at yesterday's crime scene." Looking nervously towards Tony, she saw he hadn't uttered a single word or even moved from the position he'd been in. "Gibbs, what's up with Tony?"

Grabbing Abby by the shoulders gently, he looked into her distraught eyes and spoke softly. "Abby, go get Ducky now."

"But, Tony-"

"Abby! Go, I'll take car of him for the moment." She sighed but went on her way. Gibbs had no idea what was going to happen, but had the feeling that he may need Ducky's help, and Ducky also knew how to calm Abby down in a way that he didn't.

Scrubbing his hand across his face, he'd hoped that Tony would have got a little break from the revelations of last night but it seemed that Tony's past was going to come out sooner than either of them wanted. Crouching down to Tony's level he put a calming hand on his crossed arms like he had the night before, Tony jumped a little at the touch but stilled when the pain didn't come.

"Gibbs?" came a whispered question as Tony looked at him, the unfocused look in Tony's eyes caused anger to boil and race through his blood again. Waiting a second for Tony's vision to clear, Gibbs started to speak but was cut off by Ducky's appearance in the lab.

"What seems to be the problem, Jethro?" Ducky asked as he took in the sight of his two friends before him, one huddled in the corner of the lab the other crouching down, trying to calm Tony. He smiled a little at Jethro's show of affection, he knew the team meant everything to his friend but didn't show it most of the time.

Moving closer to the pair, he was a little surprised when Tony tensed and tried moving further into the corner. When he had first met Tony, he learned that Tony didn't much like doctors or the prospect of going to hospital, though Tony seemed okay with him. This was the second time in his memory that the younger agent had purposely moved away from him. Seeing Tony's reaction to Ducky, Gibbs took it upon himself to calm Tony even further.

"Tony, it's only Ducky, he won't hurt you. I just need him to make sure you're okay, okay?" making eye contact with Gibbs, Tony relaxed a little and uncurled himself from the position he'd been in. His breathing had calmed down almost to normal but he was still trembling a little, Gibbs was concerned that Tony may not be able to handle this case and wasn't looking forward to trying to tell him to sit this one out.

Both Abby and Gibbs looked on in concern as Tony didn't protest to Ducky's poking and prodding, Abby Still had questions though and she needed answers.

"Gibbs-" she started.

"Not now Abby."

"But-"

"Abby, he will tell you when he's ready." Finished Gibbs, he knew she only wanted to help but he couldn't even start to think how he would tell Abby about the things he had learned the night before. "Who's the guy in the photo anyway?" he asked trying to figure out how they could get this guy.

"Ah, well all I have is a name, a James Rendall. Other than that I don't know."

"Good job Abby." She smiled a little but still wanted to know how Tony was, Ducky had moved him to her office for some privacy. As if on cue, Ducky came out of her office with a frustrated look on his face.

"What ya got Duck?" Asked Gibbs, smiling a little at the look, only DiNozzo and him would get that look from Ducky.

"From the looks of it, he had a panic attack, though he was very stubborn and refused to tell me what affected him in such away." he sighed and looked towards Abby and Gibbs, seeing that they were as concerned as him, he continued. "Other than that he seems fine but you both know that he tends to cover up how he's really feeling."

With a new mission in mind Abby spoke up "Well then, I will just have to get him talking then." She smiled a little wickedly and clomped her way into her office. With Abby out of ear shot Ducky turned on Gibbs giving him his own version of a glare.

"Would this have something to do with what you told me earlier, Jethro?"

"I'm afraid so Duck."

"And the cause of this sudden reaction?"

"That photograph." Gibbs answered simply while pointing towards the image on the plasma. Studying the image for a moment they noticed that it wasn't a recent picture, troubled by what this meant Gibbs left the lab, knowing that Abby would take care of Tony for a little while, he needed to know how much information they could get on this guy. If his suspicions were right then this was the guy that had killed Tony's mother.

Watching as Jethro left the lab, ducky gathered the scattered papers on the floor, briefly looking at one he saw the same picture that had appeared on the screen. It seemed that Anthony had started some of his own research in to his mother's death. Placing the file next to Abby's keyboard, he glanced and the younger agent and lab tech through the glass doors, Abby seemed unsure of whether to move closer or to stay where she was, Ducky only hoped that Tony was at least ready to tell Abby, Abby was what Tony needed at a time like this. Leaving them quietly to their discussion, he made his way back to autopsy to see whether he could learn anything else from the autopsy earlier.

x-X-x

Strolling with a purpose into the elevator he bashed the stop switch to think a little, he needed to make sure that they stayed on the case, he was sure that the director would let him and the team but if Tony got too involved or seemed like he couldn't handle it then he would have to take him off the case. Starting the elevator moving again he reached the bull pen to face the other two team members. He was still anoyed with Kate but he knew that she'd step up when Tony finally told them and would help when the time came. Even McGee would, though he'd still be a little nervous about it.

"What do we have?" Gibbs ordered gruffly.

"Nothing yet Boss." Replied McGee.

"What." He almost shouted.

"Well…er…we don't have much to go on Boss." Stammered McGee, looking as if he were afraid of Gibbs.

"I thought you were checking her credit cards and phone records."

"I did but they didn't show anything out of the ordinary." Sighing in frustration he couldn't really argue with the lack of anything if they had nothing to go on.

"Kate, you find anything yet?"

"No, all we have is what I told you last night, she was like by all her neighbours and nobody seemed to want to kill, or have her killed." She replied calmly, she wasn't as often intimidated by the tone Gibbs used as McGee was.

"Alright, I want you both looking in to anything and everything you can find on a James Rendall, and I mean everything from the second he was born until now."

"Yes boss" the two agents replied.

Sensing that he was being watched as he reached his desk he looked up to find Kate watching him like a hawk.

"You got something to say, Special Agent Todd?" He asked, not even trying to keep the anger out of his voice.

"Why isn't DiNozzo looking in to this guy as well, I mean we are a team aren't we?" her tone showed her own anger towards a team mate who wasn't pulling their weight in her opinion. She knew that something was going on but maybe, she just needed to take a different approach to getting answers, force them to answer.

While Gibbs knew where she was coming from, he couldn't help but still be angry at her short-sightedness. "DiNozzo is looking into a cold case that links to this case, now get back to work before you don't have a job to come back to in the morning." Nodded a smiling a little in reply Kate got back to work, happy that she got some form of an answer. Though, there was still something nagging her at the back of her mind, saying that she was being rather mean about the situation.

Both Kate and McGee wondered what the cold case was but were certain they would find out at some point so got to work trying to locate James Rendall.

Half an hour later Gibbs was getting a little worried, Tony hadn't appeared yet so was obviously still down with Abby. He knew that he shouldn't interrupt but if he was gone for any longer then he would have to. Gibbs needed Tony on this case as much as he needed the rest of the team, Tony had his own ways at making connections that they couldn't see.

x-X-x

Down in the lab about 40 minutes ago

Walking slowly to Tony, Abby tried to think of what to do for her friend, he didn't seem to want anyone close to him and all she wanted to do was wrap him in a big hug and for him to tell her what was wrong. Currently, he was sat at her desk with his arms resting on the table and his head resting on his arms. His tie had been discarded and left on the table next to his head, the grey suite jacket he had been wearing was crumpled up underneath his arms, making a sort of pillow. Leaning on the desk, close enough to offer support but not too close as to scare him Abby spoke softly.

"Tony? What's going on?" Tony looked up at Abby; his vision was a little blurry from light piercing his eyes. He wasn't quite sure what to say to her, or how to even start. Looking away from her caring look he tried to focus on something else and not on the fact that if he told her she might get hurt.

"Tony, please tell me what's going on, who's the guy in the picture?" He could tell she was tittering on the edge of wanting to hug him but trying to give him his space. Letting out a long almost calming breath he looked down and mumbled.

"That guy," He started with a quiet but barely covered anger, "…erm he." He stopped, this was harder than he thought; looking up at Abby he only saw concern, he drew strength from her gaze and continued while looking down again. "Killed my Mom." This time the tears didn't come but the loss in his voice cut through her like a knife.

Hearing a gasp he looked up again, tears fell from Abby's eyes, leaving black marks down her cheeks. Not knowing what to do, he grabbed his jacket and tie and started to leave, he hadn't meant to make Abby cry, really he hadn't.

Before he could leave Abby wrapped him up in a typical Abby hug, he started to feel uncomfortable and started shifting, trying to get away from her. He didn't want sympathy, he didn't deserve it, but what he _could_ do was solve the murder they had now. Trying to get her to release her grip he backed away a little, she let go but still held his arms and made sure he was looking in her eyes before she spoke.

"You come to me if you need to talk, okay?" She could see a little fear in his eyes and wasn't sure quite why it was there but she wouldn't force any more information out of him at the moment. He nodded a little and she sighed in relief. "You pinkie promise?" She held her right pinkie out, confirming the promise they both smiled a little and she released her hold on him.

Taking a deep calming breath before he faced the world again, he made his way over to where the file had been left. Looking through the papers he took one out and handed it to a curious looking Abby.

"Can you try and find out where these guys are?" She practically bounced with energy being given something else to do.

"Any particular reason?" She asked. He thought for a moment then answered.

"They were some of the suspects the last time, they look familiar and I know that had something to do with it." He bit his lip a little in thought. Yes, he had told her that this guy James had killed his mother, but he hadn't told her he'd been there when it happened. He knew she'd be mad when she did find out, but he wasn't quite ready for the questions that little revelation would bring. Nodding emphatically she got to work and he left the silent lab.

As he reached the elevator, the usual music that resounding in Abby's lab started up again and he was ready to face his team. Looking at his watch, he noticed that quite some time had passed and could only hope that Gibbs wouldn't be mad or think that he couldn't deal with the case. He needed to stay on it no matter what.

TBC

_Well that had some case stuff and caring stuff, hope ya'll liked the mix. Please read and review as always. _


	7. The Truth Of The Matter

_Thanks muchly for the reviews all, now for the next bit. Okay so the first bit may ramble a little I hope it doesn't put you off the rest of the chapter. Just one question though, does everyone like the length of the chapters so far? This story seems to want longer and more detailed chapters than my others and I'm not sure what you all like so…let me know. Enjoy. _

**Chapter 7- The Truth Of The Matter**

Resolve strong, mask firmly in place, Tony DiNozzo strolled confidently out of the elevator. To anyone who didn't know him, they would see a very confident, somewhat cocky NCIS Special Agent. But, anyone who did, and knew enough about him would see through his perfect rouse. They would see the slight tension that his posture held and the fine lines around his eyes, they would also, notice the too tight grasp on the file in his hands. Being one the best, if not _the_ best undercover agent in NCIS and a DiNozzo, he'd be able to fool most people with his day-to-day persona or any that he should so happen to need when the situation called for it without fault and boy was it needed today. All the practice he had developed from a young age was necessary if he was going to pull off telling the team one of the many secrets he hid from them.

Years ago, after someone found out, said person happened to either blame him or disappear completely. Though, thinking about it, it was mainly the latter. With that thought, came the image of the teacher's lifeless eyes looking at him, trying to push the memory away he turned away from the team just before he arrived at their section of the bull pen. Looking out the clear window, he watched as normalcy resumed outside. It being mid-morning the sun was reaching its highest point which seemed in contrast to the memories as of late, them being some of the lowest points of a past he would rather forget. Gaining strength from the normalcy of the outside world, he pushed away his apprehension and proceeded to tell the voice in his head that, just because they would find out about what happened, didn't mean they would also fall into the latter part of his previous thought. Locking up all traces of fear and nervousness into a box and mentally throwing away the key, he turned back around to face the team.

For all intents and purposes, Gibbs was proud of how the younger agent had been handling things so far. Yes, he'd run out of a crime scene and panicked upon seeing a picture of someone who had killed his mother, but who wouldn't under the circumstances that had been revealed so far. Also, Gibbs knew that most people would act like that if an old pain was dragged its self up in such away that it actually reflected said past pain. He knew that he himself, would struggle to control his emotions if he so happened to come across a crime scene that mirrored perfectly the deaths of his wife and daughter.

The coil of worry that had been twisting in his gut loosened a little as Tony quietly strolled out of the elevator. Seeing the 'fake' confidence oozing from the agent he smiled dryly, knowing it was all an act _and_, his agent's best coping mechanism. However, the coil tightened again as the act faltered slightly and Tony turned to look out of the window, the pressure of the coil almost made him get up and help but he knew it wouldn't be a good idea. Not at the moment. Tony needed to regain his composure on his own and do things for himself so he felt like he was accomplishing something. Gibbs couldn't have Tony second guessing his own initiative or relying on him too much if he wanted Tony to stay on the case, not matter how much he wanted to help and control the situation, he wouldn't.

Sighing inwardly with relief as Tony's posture relaxed a fraction, having seemingly found some sense of calm from simply looking outside, Gibbs noticed that McGee and Kate hadn't seen Tony's unusually silent approach. He just hoped that Kate would think before she thought of confronting Tony, he'd go running if this wasn't handled carefully. Not that he thought his agent was weak, it was just if Tony got the wrong idea his reaction would be…conditioned, defensive, one that he would have taken or learned in the past and Gibbs didn't want that happening. Not if it could be helped.

Noticing her partner's very uncharacteristic return to his desk, Kate knew she had to take a different approach with him. Observing him for a moment before she made her move, she watched as he settled himself down at his desk and glanced quickly over to Gibbs, as if he were nervous about something. Seeing the folder in his hand, she wondered if it was the cold case Gibbs had been talking about earlier, she was a little annoyed that he hadn't shared it yet. I mean, how were they supposed to solve the case when certain members of the team were hiding things.

Knowing he was being watched now that he had returned to his desk wasn't helping matters, he quietly contemplated what he could say to them when they had read the file he still held, maybe, he wouldn't have to say anything at all but that hope was quickly crushed knowing that they were investigators. They would have questions. He so wasn't looking forward to that.

"You find anything in the cold case, DiNozzo?"

Bringing both Tony and Gibbs out of their thoughts, Kate's tone was a little more forceful than she would have liked and Gibbs briefly looked at Tony, hoping he wouldn't pick up on it. Seeing the shutters come down on Tony's expression caused the coil to twist further, if Tony felt pressured he wouldn't talk about it. Tony hesitated a little, but an oh so fake smile spread across his face as he forced the answer out.

"Why yes, Kate, I did." Tony's own tone was bordering on wounded, but held none of the mocking it usually would, and the use of Kate's correct name made her regret the way she had asked.

Opening a draw of his desk, Tony took out the copies he had made of the file while Gibbs had been down with Ducky a few hours ago. He'd had to pull some pretty big strings to get the original file, as most people still believed it to be an accident. He debated whether it was a good idea, he knew he was being watched like a hawk now, he had to tell them. Or, they at least had to find out some way, he was _not_ getting out of this one. Maybe, with all of the team helping, they could get this guy quicker and anything they had, be it past or present may help.

Looking up briefly, he saw Gibbs looking concerned, most likely at the way he had answered Kate's question and subsequently made it seem like he had ignored it to look for something, McGee hadn't yet learned to school his features so showed the curious shock it held, Kate's expression was curious with a little hint of anger. To be honest he couldn't really blame her either, if she had run out on a crime scene he would be annoyed as well. After getting up and handing his fellow team mates the case file from years ago, Tony made his way silently to his desk and took quiet but calming breaths while he awaited his fate.

The absolute silence in the main part of the bull pen was unnerving to the surrounding agents, but they kept their minds focused on their work and not what was going on with the main team. All that could be heard was the click-clacking of computer keyboards, and papers being shuffled. Usually there were other teams of agents on cases but the only case they had at the moment was the murder of Cassandra Lynn and the main team had that one. They knew the slow day wouldn't last and that's what made the stillness and silence foreboding, like the calm before the storm. And from the almost solemn atmosphere it wasn't going to be pretty and people were going to get hurt, be it physically or mentally though, was yet to be seen.

Wanting to know why Tony seemed out of sorts and why Gibbs seemed almost…protective? Over Tony, Kate started reading the file with hungry eyes. Noticing that it was an old NYPD case, she wondered what it could possible have to do with their current case. Becoming a little annoyed at the fact the case seemed useless she noticed that it was marked unsolved. Filing through the pictures she recognised that the wounds on the victim were similar to that off the one yesterday, seeing the point to the file she took a closer look. Skipping over a few minor details she read;

_Name: Maria DiNozzo _

_Female, Caucasian, approximately 5'9. Age:34 _

_Deep laceration to the neck, severing the carotid artery. Cause of death: Exsanguination _

Her stomach churned as she read the remaining list of injuries and found that they matched with the body currently in the morgue. Still not seeing that this would have something to do with Tony…Wait, the name. Maria DiNozzo. Looking through the rest of the file to try and disprove her theory she came across a witness statement, from one Anthony DiNozzo Jr. _Oh god_, breathing deeply but quietly she tried to quell the nausea rising within her.

Knowing her face was a little pale she looked around at the others, Gibbs looked as stoic as ever, not that surprised by what he read. McGee looked like she felt and was shooting nervous glances at Tony. Tony, well, he seemed to be in deep concentration, looking at his monitor. Either not wanting to look at them or not wanting them to be looking at him. Being the profiler she was she now realised that his posture the last week or so had been stiffer, less relaxed, especially for Tony. No wonder he'd left the crime scene yesterday, to be honest she couldn't really blame him now and felt badly for how she'd acted earlier in the day. Neutralising her usual teasing tone, she was the first to speak up after reading the case file; but something was off, she could feel it.

"Tony, I-"

"Don't." He stated simply, not wanting to look up at the pitying look she was sending or to see McGee send his nervous looks at him as if he were about to crumble. Nor was he completely ready to answer the questions he Knew Gibbs would have about the file he'd given them.

"But-" Kate started again, hoping to get some sort of answer from Tony. Gibbs cut her off.

"You remember anything else that's not in the file, DiNozzo?" Tony was a little relieved that Gibbs, at least, was using his normal tone of voice. Though, Gibbs had the feeling that something wasn't quite right as well. Both McGee and Kate turned their full attention to Tony, he seemed to pale a little but still tried to answer.

"Ah…Well it was a long time ago boss…" he started to ramble a little until Gibbs cut him off.

"Tony."

Becoming silent at Gibbs' calm but ordering tone and the use of his first name, Tony looked away from Gibbs' stare and continued going through anything that could help. In truth, he was panicking a little, he knew all three of them were looking at him and he hated it. He also knew that he'd have to be ready to answer at least some questions about it.

Gibbs saw his agent becoming more uncomfortable as each second passed and knowing that Tony obviously didn't want Kate asking questions just yet, he decided that he would talk to him alone first. "Kate, McGee, track down anything and everything that could link the two victims together with Rendall. DiNozzo, with me."

Getting up with less outward confidence than he had when he'd sat down, Tony followed Gibbs towards the elevator, completely ignoring the looks the other two were sending him. He could see they both had questions but they could wait as far as he was concerned, besides, some of the answers were in the file.

For some reason he felt like he was going towards his doom, the steps got heavier and heavier as they stepped into the cold metal box that was the elevator. His breathing increased ever so slightly at the claustrophobic feel of it, sensing eyes on him he saw Gibbs' concerned blue ones looking back at him. Shuddering to a stop after hitting the emergency stop, the elevator's lights dimmed and Gibbs started.

"They're gonna ask you questions."

"I know."

"You're gonna have to answer them." Gibbs replied with some finality in his tone.

"I know." But the voice didn't match the person who Gibbs had gotten used to, not one bit. It was timid and small, and this riled Gibbs up even more. Sighing, not for the first time that day, Gibbs got to the point. He didn't want to do this to the kid but he didn't really have a choice if Tony was going to clam up like he had.

"You're too close to this one." The statement simple, but the intended words torn though Tony like a knife.

"I need to be on this case, Boss." Tony tone was retuning to normal at least, but Gibbs could sense a little anger and it was directed at him. Well, anger was better than nothing, he supposed he may have used his bastard ways to get Tony riled up on purpose. A small smile play upon his lips as Tony's posture returned to some semblance of normal and the anger in his tone flashed in his eyes; he knew _exactly_ what to do to get Tony working.

Giving Tony some time to get his thoughts together, Gibbs made a decision to get the full story later that day. He pressed the emergency switch and headed downwards, to Abby's lab.

"Tony, I want you to help Abby with that list you gave her and see what you can find. After we're done here, we'll head to yours so you can pack your bags, you're staying with me until this is solved. You got that."

"But-" he was cut of by a head-slap, which actually calmed him a little, at least Gibbs wasn't treating him differently, or, didn't appear to be. Though he knew that Gibbs needed to do this for his own piece of mind, especially if he thought the person was actually going to come after him.

"That sound like a suggestion to you, DiNozzo?!"

"No, Boss." Tony smiled with a look of gratitude. He was being let off for now and didn't want to test the waters, at least, not yet.

x-X-x

While Tony was down with Abby, Gibbs headed back to the bull pen; he needed to have a talk with his other two agents.

Upon his approach, Kate was the first to ask a question. Gibbs noticed she still seemed a little shaken up about the information she had found out; though, secretly he was happy that she seemed to be sorry about the way she had treated Tony earlier in the day, but that didn't mean that he could stop glaring at her every now and then.

"Where's, Tony?" she asked a little nervously, not wanting Gibbs to get angry again. She'd been a complete bitch earlier and she knew it.

"With Abby, going over the list for other possible suspects." She still had questions though.

"He tell you anything else?"

"Nope."

"Aren't you going to ask him?"

"Not yet." By now he had made his way back to his desk and he realised the little information he'd been giving out. Kate looked ready to blow, Tony _could_ have more information to add but they had other way of finding information at the moment.

McGee was watching the conversation with some interest as it meant he wouldn't have to look at the file before him. It was incomprehensible to him that one of his co-workers, friends had gone through something that horrible and still be sane. Well, Tony wasn't exactly the sanest person, but the one they saw everyday, didn't show a hint of what he had gone through in the past. Maybe, McGee wondered, _that_ was why Tony seemed to play the fool, so people wouldn't think too much what he was like underneath.

"But he could have information important to the case, how can you just disregard that." Kate was fuming now.

"You tell me, Agent Todd, you're the profiler aren't you? Why don't you go and ask him yourself?" when she didn't answer and moved to sit back down from the standing position she'd been in, Gibbs figured as much. "There we go then, now get back to work." He almost shouted, causing McGee to jump a little.

A shouting at she could take, but the dig at her qualifications nearly caused her to shout back at him. Knowing that would doom her career she sat back down, after all, now she replayed the conversation in her mind, what she said did seem a little harsh and wasn't really looking out for her fellow agent and friend. Biding her time she remained silent and got back to work.

Across the floor, all that could be heard was the light chatter of people on the phones and the click-clacking of people typing away on their keyboards. This having only been achieved because Tony wasn't there to distract them, but then, he hadn't really been driving people to distraction recently anyway, well he did a little, but everyone could tell that his heart hadn't been in it completely. For the most of them, it made them wonder what Gibbs had done to the senior field agent, I mean he was known for living up to the second 'B' in his name.

The working atmosphere remained for the rest of the day; some would leave to get food but would come back to an uneasy feeling that hung in the air. It wasn't that they didn't like being able to work, it was just that, when it was quiet then something was wrong, or something bad was going to happen. They could almost sense it. The slithers of the sun filtering through the window did nothing but cause the uneasy atmosphere to become eerie.

It being the end of the day, many agents left for home, hoping that it would be back to normal tomorrow. The only agents left were the number one team, minus the usually very self assured Tony DiNozzo. After Tony had been down with Abby for more than a couple of hours, Gibbs had gotten a little worried so called down. It had turned out that the list hadn't yet given them anything to work with. Also, due to a week or so with little sleep, Tony had fallen asleep in Abby's lab. Knowing the rest of the team could handle it, Gibbs let Tony sleep as much as he could. A case like this was both emotionally and mentally draining, never mind the effects lack of sleep had on the body and brain.

Looking tiredly at the time he realised that they had been at it for twelve hour straight, "Alright, go home, we can start this back up in the morning." Both McGee and Kate simply nodded, turned their computer off and left the bull pen.

After waking a groggy Tony up, he'd proceeded to take Tony to his apartment to get some things that he'd need for the next couple of days, hopefully they could catch the guy, if only to put Tony as easy. Gibbs hadn't missed the way Tony had been looking over his shoulder walking into his apartment building, he briefly wondered whether he should go with him but put that thought aside at the look Tony had sent him before getting out of the car. Tony's own car was safely parked back at headquarters, having left it there the day before.

Looking at his watch, Gibbs noticed that Tony had been gone over twenty minutes. How long did it take to get some things together? That was when he gut churned with worry again, something was wrong.

x-X-x

Tony's apartment about 20 minutes ago…

Closing the door behind him, Tony took a few deep calming breaths to settle his nerves. He had been to Gibbs house before, but this time he knew that he was going to be watched like a hawk. He could only hope that Gibbs lay off the questions for tonight, just going through the case and the list again had drained most of his energy. Not even the nap he had taken in Abby's lab had done anything to get rid of the exhaustion pushing him to his brink, beyond his limits.

Maybe, Gibbs was right, maybe, he shouldn't be on this case; it wasn't like he'd be any use anyway. After witnessing the murder his mind went blank, he couldn't even remember how he had made it to the hospital afterwards or how he'd escaped from that cold and damp basement.

Moving around with the easy of an elderly person, Tony groaned a little as a headache started to take up residence behind his eyes. Rubbing his forehead to ease the ache, he started to search for some Tylenols. Upon reaching his nightstand his vision fuzzed a little and his legs felt a little like jelly, shaking his head to clear the dizzy spell, it only increased the headache. _Great_ he seemed to be getting ill rather rapidly or maybe, is was the fact that he hadn't actually ate much all day. Shaking off the dizzy spell he continued to pack some essentials and clothes into a duffle bag.

Switching the light on in his bathroom only proved to intensify his headache, he stumbled over to the toilet, the movements causing the daggers in his brain further in. one small movement was all it took for his stomach to rebel and expel it's contents. After finishing he realised that this had come on too quickly to be any illness that he'd heard of, something was wrong. He needed to get out of his apartment and fast, he didn't quite know why but it was just a feeling.

Not really firing on all cylinders he fished his phone out of his pocket and stumbled back out of the bathroom, making it as far as the living room/kitchen before the weakness in body drove him down again. Not knowing that he'd actually already pressed the speed dial for Gibbs he left the phone where it had fallen and started moving again. He could only hope that Gibbs would be able to help him as he had no idea what the hell was going on…

TBC

_Woo we have some action, so who can guess what is happening? Will Gibbs get there before time runs out? Thanks for reading and waiting patiently for this chapter, it just wasn't sounding quite right and I did quite a bit of research to get this as accurate as possible. Have fun and please let me know what you thought. Oh if you want something short and cynical then by all means read the one I called 'Solace in the Dark' hehe thanks again for reading and I will try no to make you wait too long for the next chapter._


	8. Gasping Breaths

_Sorry for the wait, have fun with this next chapter. We still have quite a ways to go with this one to, so be ready, thanks for all the reviews and such for this I have been truly surprised by it all so thanks muchly everyone. _

**Chapter 8**

Moving swiftly, Gibbs locked up his car and started moving towards Tony's apartment building. No matter how fast he moved it didn't seem fast enough, almost snails pace. His vision narrowed, focusing on his mission. He needed to get to Tony fast, that much he knew.

The ringing of his cell phone forced him out of his altered state, looking at the caller ID he saw Tony's name flash up. He relaxed for a millisecond before the silence on the other end ramped up his fear and his speed. Something _was_ wrong.

"Tony? Can you hear me? DiNozzo!" Cursing but staying on the line like it was his only lifeline to his agent. He made it in to the building, ignoring the security guard trying to stop him on the way past.

Not trusting the elevator he took the stairs, each time in time with his beating heart. As he neared Tony's floor, images flashed across his vision, images of the different things he may find upon reaching his agent.

Tony beaten.

Tony shot.

Worse, Tony dying and him not being able to stop it, having to watch as he died in his arms. Any and every crime he had ever seen with Tony the victim, swirling around in his head like a merry-go-round, painting a vivid picture of his worst nightmare.

The images made him regret not following Tony up to his apartment. Pushing the morbid images away, Gibbs made it to Tony's floor. The closer Gibbs got the more he found his steps faltering, was he really ready for the reality that he may have lost an agent? Yes, he had lost people before but this wasn't right, Tony was the epitome of energy and life, it just wasn't right. Not now that Gibbs had showed he cared for the younger agent like a son.

Unnerved by the silence on the other end of the phone, he strained his ears, listening for anything that might give an inclination as to what sort of situation he was walking into. Calming his own nerves, he thought he heard very faint, short breaths, his pace quickened until he reached Tony's door.

Knowing time was of the essence he kicked the door down and immediately searched and shouted for his agent.

"DiNozzo!" Upon getting no response fear twisted in his gut. Had he been too late?

After searching the hall way of the apartment he came upon his agent, laying face down on the floor, chest stuttering as if struggling to breathe. Moving quickly he crouched down towards the younger man and noticed a slight cherry red tinge to his skin. Rolling Tony onto his side, the younger agent's eyelids flickered slowly, he was barely conscious.

"S-some-thing…in the…air." Tony rasped out through his struggling breaths.

Upon hearing the agent, Gibbs hauled Tony's limp body up and dragged him out of the apartment, if there was something in the air then everyone would need to be evacuated. Keeping a firm hold on Tony as he dragged him out of the apartment, he smashed a fire alarm.

With the alarm blaring, people started hurrying out of the building, running past them. His own speed seemed far too slow, he needed to get Tony out _now_. Feeling the weight he was carrying increase as they reached the stair well, he looked across at his agent. Tony's colour hadn't improved and what had been short shallow breaths had slowed down, he could barely feel any breath at all coming from his agent.

Adrenalin pushing him faster, Gibbs practically carried DiNozzo out of the building and sat the barely conscious agent up against the car. Checking Tony pulse he noted that it was dangerously slow. Opposite to what it had been mere minutes ago, that could only be bad. Where was Ducky when you needed him? Having an idea, he called him while waiting for the EMT's and Fire crew. Maybe, Ducky would have an idea of what to do.

"_Mallard residence."_ Came his friend's voice over the line.

"Ducky, we have a problem." Gibbs' replied shortly.

"_Oh dear, what has happened, Jethro?"_

"Damned if I know Duck, look, DiNozzo isn't doing too well. His breathing is erratic and his pulse is very low. He thinks that there was something in the air in his apartment." Gibbs kept a close eye on his agent as he spoke with the doctor. Hearing the doctor mutter a curse under his breath, Gibbs smiled a little. After explaining Tony's other symptoms and asking Ducky to meet them in the hospital he disconnected the call.

The next few minutes seemed to be a blur, first came the fire crew, then came the EMT's as was usual in this sort of situation. Grabbing one of the EMT's attention, Gibbs saw Tony's half opened eyes slide closed. His chest tightened, they were so close.

"Tony! Damn it DiNozzo, open your eyes." He all but shouted, causing some people to stare. Almost wanting to shake his agent awake, Gibbs only stopped when a stern voice cut through the haze in his mind.

"Sir, you need to get out of the way if you want us to help him." Stated the medical tech.

Grumbling, Gibbs gave them a bit of room but he was by no means leaving Tony's side. Attaching the monitors, an oxygen mask and hearing all the medical garble only increased his barely hidden fear. Catching bits and pieces of words and hearing the agonisingly slow beep of the machine. They were loosing him. He hadn't been fast enough. Breaking Gibbs out of his thoughts, the medic turned to him asking whether he wanted to ride with them. Of course he wanted to, had to, needed to whichever, he really didn't care as long as Tony would make it.

The actions inside the ambulance as it rushed down the streets towards the hospital seem to happen in slow motion, not going fast enough _again_. Alarms screeched but they still seemed to be going too slow. He became aware of his own heart beat. Just listening, willing Tony's to get back into a normal rhythm….

x-X-x

_Tony struggled and gasped back to consciousness, however, it wasn't the hospital he woke up in. No, he had been thrown forcefully back into the past. That room. One he never wanted to think about again. The weight of the fear was crushing his smaller body, now she was gone what would happen to him, what would the people do? A better question was, why? He'd never found out, never known. _

_Shivering in the corner of the dimly lit, grotesquely smelling room, little Tony DiNozzo looked anywhere but into her cold, still, and lifeless eyes. for a while he'd forced himself to keep look within some semblance of a hope that she would magically blink or that this had been some sick faked horror movie. Anything but what it actually was. As the time passed and nothing happened he moved his vision away, but the pull was strong just to check, just to see if they would shut or flutter. Anything. _

_But nothing, she wouldn't be there anymore…well she was at the moment of course, still slowly decomposing in the heat of the room before him. Blood congealing, no longer flowing. Simply stopped, without the life force of the blood the heart would no longer beat, he knew that but couldn't accept it quite yet. Wouldn't, but he known the moment the blood had stopped and the scream had faded and the rise and fall of her chest had stopped. The heat clinging to the sticky atmosphere however, did not warm him, all he felt was an emptiness that hadn't been felt before and it was quite literally shaking him apart. _

_The actions seen running through his mind, his own failure in not doing something, anything to stop it. The smell creeping and seeping within and around, her eyes still looking into his but they no longer held hope or comfort of escape or love. They were just empty, barren and devoid of life, of that spark that signified that the person was more than a mere vessel with a brain, more than any of the typical robots he's seen in any movie. _

_Realising that he'd not been taking notice of his surrounds a pair of rough hands clasped around his already strained throat, raw from crying, screaming, pleading with them to stop. He shouldn't cry, he was a DiNozzo. But he'd cried so much that his eyes stung and his cheeks seemed permanently stained with clean lines down his grubby face. Kicking, gasping and struggling against the hands he couldn't stop them, they were suffocating him. Maybe, now, he could see her again._

_His vision grew tunnel like, only staring forward, not looking around, couldn't. She would still be there. They'd just left him with the body; he could no longer remember how long he'd been there, only that it was a jumbled mess within his scared mind. The images would haunt him for the rest of his life, that was, if the guy choking him let go before it was too late. _

x-X-x

Gibbs' heartbeat quietened a little and he was able to hear some of the medical jargon. However, the only words he heard were worrying.

_Respiratory distress._….._ need to intubate_.

Tony's body was gasping for air, seeing whether his agent was conscious, Gibbs looked to his face. His eyes were moving rapidly under his eyelids. Gibbs wondered whether he was just struggling in person or in mind as well. Trying to place a comforting hand on Tony but trying to get in the way, Gibbs settled for holding his agents hand gently.

The paramedics had intubated then sat back a little, they just seemed to be relaxing in Gibbs' eyes. He shot them a deathly glare but only got the reply that they had done everything they could. Know it was now up to Tony to fight whatever was going on in his mind. Having more room, Gibbs got closer to his agents head and started mumble comforting words into his ear.

x-X-x

_The dark, looming tunnel in his vision grew smaller as he started to drift into unconsciousness. Tony's struggles had stopped over a minute ago, it seemed longer, and maybe it had been. Maybe, he was suspended in this time. A time he knew he'd already lived through once, what had happened afterwards no longer mattered. Still trapped within his smaller body he wanted to kick out, to escape before what was to come next, he couldn't remember that right now, he had decided not to. _

_Just as the pea sized tunnel in his vision shrunk further in to pinpoints; white started to flash in patches, in an almost in mesmerising fashion, and a breath was trapped below the strong hands of the man, he was let go and dragged to the centre of the room. _

_Trying to regain his breath, he became aware of the smell being emitted from the body. Maybe trying to think it was something else would work, maybe pretending it wasn't her was better. Harshly breathing, the acrid smell rose up and started to cling to his sense of taste. Fighting the urge to be sick, Tony tried to crawl away from the body, not looking directly at it. He'd given in to the childish illusion of closing and counting to ten, like he'd been told do to ward away nightmares, then it would be gone. _

_He flinched as he started to hear laughter, he'd forgotten about that. They had laughed at his weak attempts to get away. Then hands were grasping him again, he panicked and tried to scream out. _

"_Stop it, please." But it only came out as a hoarse whisper. Again they laughed, he couldn't tell how many there was now, not that it mattered. _

_Any ounce of strength and fight he had left within him disappeared as he heard the next words and saw a few black clad figures leering at him, coming closer. The closer they came the more he wanted to escape but he couldn't, hands were still holding him. A shine of metal caught his eyes before he shut them tightly, again counting to ten, trying to ward away these people and the rest of the room._

"_You will do as we say, boy."…_

x-X-x

Tony's eyes shot open, terrified panic within them. Gibbs gasped at how much they contained, he'd never seen that look from his slightly cocky and seemingly always joking agent. The panic only increased when Tony realised that there was a tube shoved down his throat and his body started to buck, his hands clawing, trying to remove the tube. Taking hold of his agents wrists as the paramedics tried to make sure Tony didn't harm himself further, Gibbs whispered calmly to him.

"Tony, calm down, it's there to help you breathe." Tony just continued to fight, Gibbs realised that he'd seen this before in his agent, Tony was trapped in the past. He changed his calm voice for a stern one, it had worked last time.

"DiNozzo!" Tony's struggles stopped. Alarms calmed. Green eyes searched for something familiar, upon landing on his boss' eyes the terror dissolved but still held a little fear. Communicating without words, both Gibbs and Tony relaxed. The beeping of the machines the only things making a sound as the ambulance rushed to the hospital…

TBC

_Well, what is going to be revealed at the hospital, what exactly happened all those years ago that Tony doesn't want to think about? Thanks all for reading this far, I hope you are all still interested in this story, sorry about the long wait for the next chapter. Please read and review as always. _


	9. Professional Detachment

_I know nothing about medicine so forgive the mistakes in this chapter, I have tried to make it as true as possible, even looking in books. Enjoy. _

**Chapter 9 **

Kate was still trying to get her head around everything when she got the call that Tony was being taken to the hospital. The first question being 'what the in the world was going on', other questions fought for position above this one.

Turning the lights out in her apartment and grabbing her keys, she rushed out and towards her car, not caring for the odd looks she was being thrown for rushing around at such a late hour in their eyes. Everyone, by now, was either just getting back from work or had been back for at least a couple of hours. She cursed the elevator, it seemed to be going in slow motion, well, if she was honest everything had seemed to since finding out that her partner had been keeping such a secret hidden from her and the team.

She wanted to be furious with him, but even she couldn't find it within her self to do that to him. Not after what she had found out about him. He'd been there and given an eye-witness account of what had happened to his mother at just ten years old. Her heart ached for the image of a young Tony trying to understand what was happening and why.

As the elevator dinged and she moved out of the metal box she pushed the image away, Tony wasn't a little boy anymore, and he had to have more information that he was giving them, she was only doing it so she could help him find the bastards who had killed his mother. She knew she seemed harsh but she felt it was necessary that they know everything they could. Tony could hate her if it suited him but if it helped, then she'd gladly take all the hate he could throw at her.

Now, sitting in her car, ready to turn the keys in her car to get it started, she stopped. He wondered how he had managed to keep it hidden at each crime scene that had been horrific. She questioned whether she really knew him anymore. What else was he hiding from her, from the team? Starting the car she thought of all the questions she could ask him while he was in the hospital. If Gibbs wasn't going to question him then she sure would. Protecting him wasn't going to get any answers.

Arriving at the hospital she took a deep breath, trying to squash the worry she felt rising within her. She was nervous, not sure whether she really wanted the answers to such a painful memory. If she'd been in Tony's situation she sure wouldn't want it being dragged back up in such a brutal way, or even if she'd want it dragging up at all.

"Kate?" Kate jumped at the sound of McGee's voice. A look of concern upon his face.

"Yeah, Tim." Neither were sure what to say, that was until Abby came rushing past them.

"Oh my god guys, Is Tony okay? Tell me, please is he okay…" They both sensed the panic in her voice and calmed her enough so that Kate could answer.

"Calm down, Abby, we have only just got here, we don't know yet." Abby only seemed to get more nervous, tears starting to pool in her bright eyes.

"But, he doesn't need this right now, not with everything else." She seemed desperate, needing to see her friend for her self.

"We know Abby, but Tony will be okay and bugging us in no time." Kate teased a little, trying to get the atmosphere to lighten. She immediately knew that it had been a mistake when Abby's face dropped and a soft anger laced her next words.

"Do _not_ joke when Tony is lying in hospital and you don't even know how he is!" Kate didn't think it were possible for Abby's voice to hold that much venom and swiftly tried to make amends with her friend.

"I'm sorry Abby, shall we go see how he is?" no one needed to say anything else, they all moved forward with a purpose, hoping that their friend would be okay.

Upon reaching the room to which they had been directed, Abby made her way in first, with McGee and Kate being next. They would be lying if they said they weren't shocked to see Tony.

He lay motionless on the bed, the crisp hospital sheets in contrast to his slightly red tinged skin. He had also been hooked up to a ventilator and they could hear the whoosh of it breathing for their friend.

"Oh Tony!" Abby cried out, both Gibbs and Ducky sighed, they hated to see Abby so sad. "Gibbs what happened?" She asked as she took a place next to Tony, gently grabbing his hand as if to offer some sort of comfort. Gibbs wasn't sure how to answer and was glad when Ducky stepped up to challenge of answering Abby at a time like this.

"My dear, I assure you that he will pull through." Everyone but Abby seemed to calm at this statement and she interrupted Ducky.

"But why is he on the ventilator then?" Tears were threatening to fall from her eyes as she heard another whoosh of the ventilator.

"That is to get rid of the carbon monoxide in his system and is only a precaution for the time being, the doctors feel confident that he should be off it by tomorrow or even later tonight as long as his oxygen levels continue to increase. It is known that carbon monoxide binds to the haemoglobin in the blood more strongly than even oxygen causing the body to lose oxygen and start shutting the body down…" realising that Ducky was getting in to one of his stories; Abby cut him off, her voice taking on a somewhat distressed quality.

"Carbon monoxide, but that can only get there if…was he…poisoned?" she stuttered, hoping that she was wrong and that there wasn't anyone trying to come after Tony.

"I'm afraid so my dear." Ducky replied calmly.

Gibbs had been silently observing the team, he noticed that Kate and McGee were getting uncomfortable and wasn't sure what to say so he decided that it would be best if they got out of the room as they weren't used to seeing Tony so quiet and still in a hospital bed.

"McGee, Kate, I need you to contact the fire department and when they have deemed it safe to see if you can find anything in Tony's apartment. Abby, I'm gonna need you to go into the office to go through the evidence when it comes and to keep a search on Rendall's whereabouts." He saw a sad look cross Abby's face but she didn't question him, instead she signed to him.

'_You staying with him.'_

Gibbs nodded in reply, then sighed as he watched them go and looked at his agent lying in the bed. The soft swoosh of the machine showing the only life he could see in his agent.

"He really gonna be okay, Duck?" Gibbs asked quietly, Ducky himself wasn't at all surprised by the question. He knew his friend cared deeply for the younger agent like a son and nodded in reply to the question. Before leaving the room he spoke up, know the answer before Gibbs spoke it.

"Look after him, he's going to need you." For what Tony would need him for remained unspoken between the two older gentlemen.

"Always, Duck." Ducky simply smiled and left the room.

Alone with Tony, Gibbs looked over his agent. To him, Tony always looked younger while sleeping but at the moment, he could see the fine lines of stress on his face. He had always wondered what lurked beneath the surface of his lively and somewhat brash agent, but would never have imagined something so…he couldn't even find a word to describe all that he had learned over the past few days.

He fought the urge to just take up Tony's hand to make sure he was still actually there, in front of him. He wished for the person lying there to be anyone _but _Tony. Yet, Tony, lying in hospital was proof that someone was after him specifically and no one came after his agents, his family.

Sighing softly and relaxing as much as he could on the hospital chair beside Tony's bed he started to drift off to the gentle beep of the monitor….

x-X-x

The last and the first thing Tony remembered was the need to breathe, and not for the first time of that day he found he couldn't. _What was it with failing to do that simple function today?_ Closing his eyes at the unseen threat he tried to move his hands up to his face but was stopped.

His lungs burned like they had all those years ago, trying desperately to drag the oxygen in and failing to do so because of the hand to his throat. Bucking his body he knew it was futile, but had to try and do something.

That was when he heard a voice he remembered. One that he trusted.

"DiNozzo! It's okay, it's just the ventilator. You're safe." _Gibbs_, it was Gibbs but he still couldn't breathe. Why couldn't Gibbs see that? Still he did not opening his eyes, the panic increasing within him.

That was when he felt a slap connect to the back of his head. He quietened but because he was afraid. He knew the voice but he also knew the feeling his body was telling him. Again Gibbs voice broke through his panic.

"Tony, stop fighting, you're safe in the hospital." He opened his eyes slowly, seeing the truth he calmed, but only a little, he hated hospitals.

x-X-x

Gibbs watched as Tony calmed a little but the pure panic was still in his eyes. Gibbs wanted to shoot and kill the people who had put it there in the first place. He needed to get to the bottom of it and soon, before his agent had a chance to hide it again. He someone got the feeling that the report wasn't and had never been a complete one. Only Tony knew the truth of what had happened.

Gibbs kept his eye on Tony as the doctor stepped forward, having been told to wait by Gibbs. Gibbs didn't miss the fear that added to the panic, nor did he miss the flinch from, his agent as the doctor got closer. The doctor looked at Tony's oxygen stats and was about to reach to remove the tube when Tony flinched again and closed his eyes. Gibbs was immediately by his side, calming him down. Tony nodded and allowed the doctor to remove the tube. Tony coughed as it was removed until he was handed a cup of water. The coughing subsided.

Even with the tube removed and the room quiet again, the doctor gone and the only other person in the room being Gibbs, Gibbs could sense Tony's fear.

"You feeling any better?" Gibbs asked, wincing slightly at the attempt, he knew it was a bad question but he wasn't exactly good at these things. At least it was a safe question though.

Tony merely nodded and remained silent, this worried Gibbs. Tony not talking was bad, he would give anything for Tony to whine about being in hospital, but he was met with nothing. Tony turned away, not really wanting Gibbs to be watching him so closely and see him looking so weak.

"Tony?" Gibbs' voice was composed. Again Tony remained silent, Gibbs started getting angry. He hated when people were hiding things from him.

"DiNozzo." His voice no longer composed, it was a warning, and Tony knew it. Turning to face his boss sheepishly he expected to see anger but only found a hint or concern and maybe remorse for the questions Tony knew were coming. He couldn't hide now. Not after panicking not only once but a few times in as many days.

Tony's gaze was pleading with Gibbs not to ask but still Gibbs had to. "There's something more to that file isn't there?" He felt Tony's whole body tense at the question; Tony began picking at the sheet covering him and whispered his response.

"Yeah." Gibbs almost smiled at the vague response, to get a direct answer you had to ask a direct question. Gibbs recalled the case in his mind, there were a few blank spots he needed clearing at the moment, then he'd let his agent rest before asking the more painful ones.

"How long was it until you were rescued?" He cursed the question himself as he'd said it when Tony looked at him, confusion written on his face.

After a moments silence, all emotion dropped of Tony's face before Tony responded, his tone emotionless, detached. He almost missed the words as they were spoken but they still broke his heart.

"Wasn't rescued, was found after they'd killed her, and left me in the same room with her….her body." Tony stopped; he almost jumped up as Gibbs' hand lightly touched his arm.

"How long Tony?" He heard Gibbs ask but he couldn't tell what he didn't know.

"I…" Tony started but couldn't continue; his professional detachment slipping.

Gibbs squeezed on his arm gently, encouraging Tony to continue.

"I...I don't remember." And honestly he didn't, he'd never known. _Never._

TBC

_Well, that just seemed like a good place to end this chapter, watch out for the next when someone shows up at the hospital to see Tony. Hope you all enjoyed it. Please review!! _


	10. Safety in Lies

_Sorry for the looong wait for this chapter. I realised that this is all AU now. I've been Mega busy with college and making a costume for an expo on Saturday of I can get there, I hope you all enjoy this chapter. Fixed a major mistake in this chapter, thanks to the person who noticed it. _

**Chapter 10- Safety in Lies **

"_I…I don't remember." And honestly he didn't, he'd never known._

An uncomfortable silence followed that shocking revelation, Gibbs almost willed Tony's expression to change, to break out into a smile and say this whole thing was a joke, but as he watched him, Tony only seemed to lose more of that spark in his eyes and recede further and further behind what remained of his walls. Gibbs hated that he had to ask the next question.

"What about your father?"

Tony merely stared blankly back at him for a moment then looked away, closing his eyes, not wanting Gibbs to see the pain in his eyes that he wasn't able to hide as images came rushing back to him. The monitor reading Tony's vitals seemed to creep up ever so slowly.

Trying to read if his Agent was going to answer Gibbs' stomach was churning, for some reason he knew he should have expected the reaction he got, but hoped that he wouldn't, hoped that Tony had had at least a little help at such a horrifying time.

Tony tried to force the images back of a night so long ago that he could almost pretend it was just a nightmare, some twisted kind of one but not real; no, not in the slightest. But he couldn't. Gibbs' voice pulled him back from the unrelenting images invading his mind.

"Tony?" But he couldn't look at his boss; no way in hell could his boss see the complete look of fear in his eyes, as if…as if he was some scared weakling.

The mantra that had previously disappeared returned with a vengeance, the closer Gibbs got to the truth, the louder it became.

_Can't tell! Can't tell! Can't tell! You will only get him hurt or worse, he'll end up like her! _

"You can't really blame him boss; he'd just been told his wife had been murdered for not doing what they wanted him to." Gibbs had to strain his ears to hear the mumbled reply, a reply that was asking him not to push anymore. It was the next almost silent words that shocked him the most, even more than what he had already learned over the past day or so. '_He probably didn't even realise I was missing.' _All of the time Tony had been speaking he'd kept is head turned away from Gibbs, not wanting to see Gibbs' expression. Gibbs moved to the other side of the bed, facing Tony, looking into dull eyes that looked down as a means to escape the glare.

"Then, who found you?" Gibbs really wanted to know, if Tony's so called father hadn't tried to get his son back…well…give him an unmonitored interrogation room and he would surely get the answers he wanted. However, the answer was again simple and unknowing.

"I don't remember." Gibbs could see there was still something looming behind his agent's gaps in memory though, and he needed to know what it was that had possibly caused Tony's mind to forget the parts he was missing.

Gibbs had noticed that the heart monitor had slowed a little as he'd been talking to Tony, though he'd also noticed Tony's eyes starting to close of their own accord. Exhaustion written plainly on Tony's features, Gibbs decided to call the questioning off for the moment.

"Go to sleep DiNozzo, I got your six."

The small but trust filled "Yes, boss." Caused Gibbs to smile a little at the familiar action, the Tony they all knew was still there, _somewhere_.

Looking closely at his sleeping Agent, Gibbs knew that Tony was hiding more but he wasn't sure if bringing it all up now was going to be good for Tony.

The night in the hospital passed by uneventfully, nurses came periodically to check Tony's oxygen levels and heart output. Gibbs drifted off in the chair, praying that Kate and McGee would find something and be able to give him a lead when they reported back in the morning. He also hoped that Tony would be up to answer more questions …

x-X-x

The smell of coffee woke Gibbs up from his awkward position in the hard plastic chair next to his agent's bed. Ducky came fuzzily into view as he opened his weary eyes.

"Duck, what ya doing here?"

"Just thought I'd check up on Anthony before I headed back." They both knew that he was here for Gibbs as well though.

Taking the coffee and standing up, Gibbs looked his agent over, he was still a little pale but seemed to have gotten at least a little colour in his cheeks, the red tint had disappeared, and for that they were all thankful.

"Has he spoken anymore of what happened?" Ducky's question broke Gibbs out of his gaze.

"Says he doesn't remember."

"Well it is possible, the mind works in strange ways, protecting it's self from things it cannot comprehend…" However Ducky stopped at another of Gibbs' looks. They're seemed to be a lot of looks of untruth recently. "You don't believe him?" Gibbs' eyes snapped towards Ducky.

"Hell Duck, I'm not sure what to believe. I know he's hiding something."

Ducky sighed, there was no point disputing _that_ fact. Tony was hiding something from them all, though Ducky, unlike Gibbs could wait patiently for Tony to tell them in his own time. He wouldn't push the boy in to revealing something that was obviously too painful to recite. Yes, he had his own questions but there had to be a better way of getting answers.

Both Ducky's and Gibbs' next words were cut short by Tony opening his eyes slowly and Kate, McGee and Abby standing outside of their friend's room. As Ducky saw to Tony, Gibbs left the room without a backwards look; hoping to get somewhere now that the rest of the team were back.

Tony wanted to say that he hadn't noticed the tension in the room as he had woken up but he couldn't and he was the cause of it. That much he knew. As if sensing what he thought, Ducky interrupted his thoughts.

"Don't worry about Jethro just yet dear boy; his morning coffee hasn't had time to calm him yet." Tony gave Ducky a small smile at the attempt of humour.

x-X-x

_Outside Tony's room…_

"What do ya got?" Gibbs ordered the two Agents and lab tech. Abby went first, being the most awake of the group. McGee and Kate seemed to be still gathering their thoughts.

"How's Tony?"

"DiNozzo will be fine, not what do you have?" Gibbs should have guessed that would be the first question from Abby. Tony and Abby were like bother and sister, he didn't even have to worry about rule 12 with them two. Abby noticed the way Gibbs' jaw clenched at the mention of Tony, she glared a little but continued.

"The gas leak was definitely set on purpose, there was a partial fingerprint, but so far it hasn't come up with anything. No luck with the footprints either, it's a really common brand of gym shoe."

"Anything else?"

"No, sorry Gibbs, this guy is really good." Abby replied a little dejectedly, she'd usually have more by now. What frustrated her the most was that her friend's life may be on the line and she couldn't seem to find anything that would help.

"What about on Rendall? Or how about how Petty Officer Lynn is connected?" Gibbs looked towards his Agent's.

"Nothing on Rendall, not credit card activity, nothing that we didn't have yesterday. We got the tape from the security cameras from Tony's apartment but there no good, the Guy was smart boss, hiding from the cameras, like he knew what he was doing." McGee answered a little nervously. Kate stepped in before Gibbs got a chance to answer.

"I tried Petty Officer Lynn's neighbours again. One of them remember hearing some shouting a few days ago but not what is was over. Nor, what the person looked like. Tony's neighbours said they didn't notice anything. Said there didn't seem to be anything unusual going on over the last few days."

"So what you're telling me is we got nothing?" Gibbs questioned; trying to keep control of his temper.

The resounding silence was answer enough.

x-X-x

Gibbs all but stormed back into Tony's room, Tony looked up in surprise. Ducky saw the look on Gibbs' face and knew that Tony was in a world of trouble.

Gibbs was pissed, they had nothing to go on whatsoever, and Tony was his last chance to try and find out Tony's mother's and Petty Officer Lynn's killer. He needed answers and he needed them now.

Anxiety built up within Tony, he knew he was going to be asked questions he didn't like. Questions he wouldn't and couldn't answer.

"Do you remember anything about them, Tony?" Gibbs decided to go for a calm approach to start with; hoping that it would get a response.

"No." Came the simple and almost practiced sounding answer. Gibbs' blood boiled at the almost convincing way Tony conveyed his answer. If the heart monitor had still been attached to his agent he knew that it would have increased with the lie his Agent was telling him.

"Don't you want to catch your mother's killer?" Gibbs snapped before thinking.

Ducky gasped; his eyes wide with shock and fury at his friend. Tony paled and looked down, trying to hide the tears forming in his eyes. How could Gibbs even ask that? Of course he did. He just didn't know how to do it and keep Gibbs and the team safe at the same time.

"Of course I do." Tony's voice wavered and he still didn't look up.

"Then tell me what you remember?" Gibbs ordered sternly, all calmness gone.

"I don't remember anything!" Tony practically screamed though his voice was still sore and weak from the ventilator. They were going around in circles, Tony didn't remember everything, but he remembered little bits. Not that they would help them though.

The room became silent, well almost; the only thing that could be heard was Tony's harsh breathing. As the time passed neither man spoke, neither looked at each other, both lost in their own internal battles for needing to know or needing to hide certain aspects of what actually happened.

"Just who are you trying to protect! Special Agent DiNozzo?!" Shit was hitting the fan now; Tony flinched at the use of his full name and tone of Gibbs voice.

Gibbs couldn't understand why Tony wouldn't tell him anything else; it was frustrating him to no end. He only had Tony's best interests in mind. Couldn't his stubborn Agent see that! Why the hell was his agent lying to his face! He knew he shouldn't of questioned Tony wanting to catch his mother's killer, that had been a low blow. One, he now regretted. He had just gotten the kid to open up to him in the last couple of days and now he'd wrecked it by asking a heartless question. Gibbs sighed and did the only thing he knew left to him.

"I need coffee." Gibbs barked and moved out of the room, Tony flinched at the tone. Had he done something wrong by not telling Gibbs? By protecting Gibbs? Why was _that_ so wrong?

Now, while not completely alone in his room he felt it, and he felt vulnerable. Looking around he tried to find something to distract him, anything to stop the images coming back. Damn it! Why did he feel so… lost without Gibbs there? He shouldn't be relying on someone else to feel safe. He'd never needed it before. Why was now any different?

But now he'd pushed Gibbs away and he was scared. Whispers and shadows seemed to appear in the drab corners, even though it was light out. Gibbs said he'd have his six; this was _not_ having his six. This was leaving him; just like everyone else had. Anger started to bubble up within Tony and he didn't even know where it had suddenly come from. He knew, just knew Gibbs was different but then…why had he left? Why had he questioned wanting to catch the guy that had made his young life a nightmare ridden living.

Wait…maybe he was just working on the case and he felt guilty for being angry at his boss. He shrunk down further into his bed. Of course Gibbs couldn't watch him all the time, especially if he wanted the guy responsible caught. Well, he wanted to be the one who caught him but he'd settle for Gibbs catching him as long as he, himself, got to kill him.

Tony barely noticed the hand that was briefly placed on his shoulder in order to offer a small comfort. Ducky seemed to still be on his side. Tony sighed; he was ruining everything it seemed. Ducky left with another pat of his shoulder so he could be left to think.

Outside, Ducky passed Kate in the hallway and learned that she was to stay there to make sure no one got to Tony. Tony was now being guarded until they had this guy. They shared a look briefly; they hoped something would be found soon or Gibbs would surely kill someone.

As Ducky left, Kate looked in on her partner. She wondered what exactly it was he was hiding. The original report had reported that he'd been witness to his own mother's death but nothing more, though she had the feeling that more had happened. Just what it was though, she wasn't sure. She hoped it wouldn't be as bad and she felt it was. He head was still down, his hands picking at the thin hospital sheets.

Abby and McGee had been ordered back to headquarters to look over everything again. _Not that it would help_ she thought…

TBC

_Well that's it for this chapter, I was going to put something else here but I thought I should get this out seen as I haven't update this story in a while. It was the conversation giving me trouble here. I hope you all like it and please review!!!_


	11. Unexpected

_I had hoped that I would have this chapter out sooner but it turns out my brain stopped working on this one and threw other naughty plot bunnies at me. Also the conversation I wasn't really sure with. Anyway, enjoy the chapter and sorry for the wait. The next chapter is actually part written, 4 pages so far so it may be a mega chapter, woop. _

**Chapter 11- Unexpected **

Gibbs hadn't meant to take as long as he had when he'd left for coffee but then he also didn't expect McGee and Kate to just be standing outside Tony's room, when he got back either. He had a bad feeling about this.

"What the hell is going on?" Gibbs ordered; both McGee and Kate had seemed deep in conversation before they flinched and spun round at the tone of Gibbs' voice. Before McGee could even stutter an answer, Kate tried to calm Gibbs, smiling a little she replied calmly.

"Don't worry Gibbs he's not on his own, his father is with him." For and moment Gibbs wanted to wipe that self satisfied smile off her face.

He was just about to explode when a crash was heard from the room. All their heads turned and they headed for the room.

Kate had been surprised at the expression Gibbs's face had changed to when she'd told him Tony's father was in there and wondered what she had done wrong this time, she'd only thought she'd been helping by letting him in. So why now, did she have a very bad feeling about letting him see Tony. When she heard the crash was also, when she realised that the blinds had been closed in the private room that held her partner.

Upon entering the room, the scene stunned them into silence. Even Gibbs' temper had quit for the moment it took to take it all in.

And they realised that Tony was hiding far more then they originally thought.

The elder DiNozzo had the younger one held to the wall by both his wrists; pain, fear and shame all evident in the younger one's eyes. Tony's struggles had stopped the moment the team had walked in but his father's words hadn't.

"You should have died, not her!" Anger and hate clear in the more imposing man's voice and eyes. Tony looked down and away from his team; he hadn't wanted them to know about his relationship with his father.

The hateful words lingered in the air like a bad smell. Driving the essence of who Tony was, further into the recesses of his mind; where it was somewhat safer. His mind flashing back to all the times after his mother's death he'd heard those exact words. Sometimes he even found himself wishing for it to be true, just so he didn't have to live with the guilt anymore.

x-X-x

_All of a sudden he found himself phasing out of his new reality and back into a different hospital room, one where he'd been abandoned to recover in after…after being rescued? He must have right? He couldn't remember and it scared him. Why couldn't he remember what happened? _

_Then pain seared though his body, images through his mind; making his head twirl and spin._

_Days and nights filled with nightmares, some even involving his father as he sat alone in the clinical white room. _

_He still hoped she would come back and save him from the nightmares; even if he knew she couldn't, even if he'd been told she couldn't. His young mind barely comprehended people being truly gone, sure he missed having fun with friends, but he knew he'd see them again. The possibility that there would always be something missing, something that could never come back made him feel more alone than he ever had. He didn't know what to do or how he was suppose live without a person he'd spent the majority of his time with, nor did a ten year old Tony knew what to feel. _

_Each time he had woken up he looked around the room hoping to find her or at least someone he knew waiting for him, after finding no one he looked towards the door expectantly, wishing someone, anyone would appear so he wasn't left to look out at the lonely stars as they twinkled through the long nights. _

_Nurses and Doctors came to check up on him but mostly stayed away, though he didn't know why…_

_x-X-x_

Gibbs watched as his agent's eyes glaze over, anger brewing as he knew he could do nothing to stop his agent reliving the memory. Though, he could at least do something. In one swift movement Gibbs grabbed hold of Senior's arms and forced him away from Tony. He took a brief look at his agent and saw he hadn't moved, before he turned to hand off a handcuffed DiNozzo Senior to his two shocked agents.

"You ever lay your hands on my agent again and I will make sure there is no place for you to hide!" Gibbs shouted at a smirking older version of Tony.

When he turned back to his agent, Tony wasn't in the same place he'd seen him last.

Instead Tony was sat on the floor, legs curled into his chest, eyes staring out over the top of his folded arms hiding his mouth, trying to make himself as small as possible but Gibbs didn't miss the hopeful look in Tony's eyes as he carried on staring towards the door. His anger bubbled further as red marks started to darken on Tony's wrists.

But the moment he tried to talk to his agent and got no response he wished that Ducky would come through the door his agent was intent on staring at. He had no idea what to do now, he'd been here with Tony before, but that had been just remembered pain and a picture. It hadn't been physical pain and nor had the person been standing there right in front of him. He settled himself close enough to his agent to offer some comfort when he returned to this time and place but not too close to cause such a reaction as it had the last couple of times this had happened.

He sighed; Tony had just been beginning to talk to him, to open up. Even if he had stepped out for a little while, even if Tony was still hiding things.

And now it seemed that because Kate hadn't read between the lines of the small comments Tony had made about his father that his Tony, his boy had gone two steps in the wrong direction. And he felt awful for leaving him alone, without protection. When he knew Tony needed him most.

Looking around the room briefly, Gibbs noticed that the tray that had held Tony's breakfast had been the thing that caused the crash they had heard. The sheet that had been on the bed was crumpled and lying on the cold, sterile floor. But he noticed something else too, blood drops. Only small but still there and then he remembered he hadn't gotten a good look at Tony before he'd curled in on himself.

When he turned back he saw that Tony's eyes were clearing from the blank look but not turned to ones of shame again. Gibbs sighed; the next conversation wasn't going to be easy on either of them…

x-X-x

To say Kate and McGee were surprised at Tony's fathers actions would be a major understatement. In just a few days they'd learned so much about their friend, and they wished that he hadn't had to go through any of it. The murder of his mom then the blatant disregard from his father; they also now understood why Tony was like he was. Why Tony hadn't told them. Their own families were perfect in comparison to whatever Tony's relationship was with his.

What chilled them to the bone though was how Tony had looked when they'd walked back into the room. He'd been scared, intimidated even, Tony seemed such a strong person on any other given day, but there, in that room, he'd looked like a scared ten year old. Looking in the rear view mirror at their captive; they had so many questions for the elder DiNozzo.

However, they knew that Gibbs would want to talk to him first. Though they also knew that Gibbs shouldn't be left in the same room as the guy, especially considering the expression he'd worn when they'd entered Tony's hospital room.

x-X-x

"Tony?" Gibbs asked softly when Tony seemed to have focused a little on the here and now. But he still didn't lift his head up; he merely moved his eyes so he was vaguely looking at Gibbs. Gibbs sighed internally; he seemed to be doing a lot of that recently. But he really needed the whole story this time.

"Tony, what did you remember?" Gibbs decided to steer clear of what Tony's father had said and done for now. Maybe, that would get the younger man talking, at least a little.

"Being alone in the hospital." Tony replied simply, the detachment he'd previously lost back in full force yet it was betrayed by the lost look on the younger man's face.

_Finally, we're getting somewhere_, Gibbs thought. Though he knew that this wasn't the main issue.

"Didn't your father come and visit?" Tony tensed at the question but answered in the same tone.

"Sure he visited, once, and that was only to blame me like you just saw." Tony's tone had however; gotten increasingly angrier as he spoke and now it felt as if he needed to get out of here so he asked his own question with calmness and such stability he really didn't feel. "When can I get out of here boss?"

Gibbs wasn't sure what to say next; the prospect that Tony had been blamed by his own father hadn't even crossed his mind until he'd entered the room and heard it himself a short while ago. He'd barely even heard Tony's question and wondered whether that was truly the best option for his agent.

"Only if the doctor says you can and you're coming back with me, you got that?" Gibbs ordered, his tone back to usual.

Then Tony moved, his hands dropping to his sides, using them as leverage to get himself up and Gibbs noticed a split lip that had been hidden by his agent's hands. Anger raced through him again, this man had had hold of his agent roughly and obviously slapped him. _This must be where the blood came from; but Tony's father had been the only one in the room. That son of a…_

"DiNozzo." Gibbs growled.

The younger man jumped a little on his way up at his name being spoken like that. Then he remembered himself what he must look like.

_Crap._ He tried to turn away from Gibbs and started to make his way back to the bed but a hand on his arm; and turning him to face those piercing blue eyes, stopped him in his tracks.

Gibbs placed two fingers under Tony's chin, forcing him to look into his eyes, asking him not to lie to him.

"Has this happened before?"

Tony knew what he was asking but…could he tell Gibbs that, he wasn't sure but the look in Gibbs' eye was practically pleading with him to tell, to let Gibbs deal with it. The look even conveyed a safety that he hadn't felt in years.

"Once or twice." But that both knew it had been more. Tony's own eyes were asking Gibbs not to push further than he already had.

Tony felt a loss at Gibbs' touch disappearing but the short nod Gibbs gave him calmed him somewhat; he just hoped that nothing would happen to Gibbs for giving him a little detail.

Just as Tony shuffled back to his bed the doctor entered, looking at his notes.

"You'll be pleased to know Agent DiNozzo that you can be released later today as your oxygen levels seem to be back to normal, just take it easy for a few days." The doctor looked up briefly and the state of the room. "Anything I should know about." He asked looking sternly at Gibbs.

"Just a misunderstanding doc, nothing to worry about." Tony spoke up a little too brightly.

The doctor looked sceptically between them but decided to let it go and proceeded to leave the room.

A short time later a nurse came in to change the blood specked sheet and took Tony's vitals for the last time. Gibbs couldn't help himself when he smiled and rolled his eyes at Tony's flirting with the pretty blonde nurse. Tony would be fine eventually.

x-X-x

A couple of hours and cups of coffee later and Tony was signed out.

Gibbs had decided to let the elder DiNozzo stew over night; he wasn't really in the mood to play nice at the moment. The only thing he needed was to know that Tony was safe; they could work out the case tomorrow. And it wasn't as if nobody was working on the case.

Tony was dozing lazily when Gibbs stopped at a grocery store a few blocks from his house, he hadn't been shopping for actual food in a long while. Tony rubbed his eyes and they both climbed out of the car and into the store. The light of the sun having faded about an hour ago, the street light shining but not fully illuminating the parking lot in front of the store. Patches of darkness seemed menacing.

While trawling through the store, Tony had noticed a few things that he liked and asked very obnoxiously, almost childlike if he could get it, to which Gibbs had shook his head in amusement and let the boy pick at least one thing. Well, he didn't want Ducky on his case for letting Tony eat lots of junk food.

Laden with bags of food, they made their way out of the store and heading back towards Gibbs car, Tony a little way ahead of Gibbs.

All of a sudden a shadow made a b-line for Tony and Gibbs was helpless to stop his agent's fall. He hadn't even had anytime to call his Agent's name.

Dropping the bags, he ran all of the five steps ahead Tony had been but was stopped when a gun was aimed at his head.

"Move and he dies right here." A voice behind the dark ski mask sneered at Gibbs while aiming another gun at his Agent, who was still lying on the floor. Adrenaline course through his blood yet, he was frozen to the spot, should he risk it? His own gun was mere centimetres from his hand. Trying to reach the guy noticed.

"No you don't Agent Gibbs, put your hands up." Gibbs cursed and thought he saw Tony move a little. _Come on Tony._ Though what he expected him to do he didn't know. He supposed anything that showed he was still at least alive and coherent was good enough.

But then the next thing he knew was a blinding pain; and the darkness that had been dotted around the parking lot descended into his vision. His last thought being_ Damn it, knew we should have just ordered in._

TBC

_I know, evil cliffy. Please review!!!!! Like I said at the start I do have the next chapter at least half written so it should not be too long before the next is out. _


	12. Condemnation

**Chapter 12- Condemnation**

The bags holding the food had split, leaving the tins to roll around Gibbs' car freely and aimlessly. A carton of milk lay on the ground mingling with a small pool of blood at the side of the older Agent's head. Sights and sounds came back slowly to the Agent, one sense at a time.

"_Sir? Are you okay? Sir?" _

Asked a muffled voice as Gibbs returned to consciousness, his head still ringing from the blow it had taken. He winced as light invaded his vision, and felt nauseous almost instantaneously as he tried to move and the world spun like a merry-go-round.

"Whoa, try to keep still sir, I've called an ambulance." The voice sounded worried as it spoke but all Gibbs was concerned about was Tony.

Actually, where was Tony?

Looking through his twirling vision he tried to look for his agent, completely ignoring the protests of the person trying to help him. Not seeing any sight of his agent and only seeing his car he tried to lever himself up.

However, he swayed dangerously and had to hold on to his vehicle so stop himself dropping back to the floor. With one hand pressed to his head, where he felt something crusted into his hair, in order to try and relieve the pounding of drums around his thoughts he tried to remember what the person had looked like. Whether of not he had a mode of transport to take Tony away in. Whether there had been any distinguishing features.

But the thoughts racing across his vision were disrupting his investigator mind, putting events in a chaotic order. Tony lay on the floor in two different settings but he didn't know which one this one was or what had happened up until this point. Just that Tony was gone, like a light being swallowed in to a black hole.

Through Gibbs' confusion the ambulance showed up and the EMT's were approaching the agent slowly, not wanting to spook him too much.

The only thing his body did seem to know was that it felt like he'd taken a trip on some kind of whirling machine and that there was a ache deep within his bones. Telling him that Tony was in danger if he wasn't found soon…

x-X-x

The first thing he became aware of when he'd woken up on another cold floor; was the fact that he was no longer with Gibbs, his head was pounding, nor could he remember everything that had happened in between being with him and then here. The last thing he did remember was Gibbs falling to the ground through his blurred vision. The mocking voice in his head telling him that Gibbs had been hurt because of him; he tried to ignore. But it was futile, it _was_ his fault, he should never have said _anything_ to _anyone_. _Damn it!_

The next thing he noticed was color of her eyes, his vision narrowed and focused on this fact, nothing else was important for the moment.

Green.

As green as his, as green as hers had been. But still just a shade none the less. A simple color.

So why did it fill him with such a sense of dread, of pain, deep, intense and unyielding pain.

Why were those as green as an emerald eyes filled with such fear, such absolute…terror?

Her lips begging the words he hadn't heard from her for years.

"_Help me." _

She shouldn't be here. She…couldn't be here. It wasn't possible. Even _if_ he wanted it, even if it _wasn't _rational to want it. Yet, he _knew_ it wasn't in the slightest bit possible.

And he couldn't help the irrational words escaping his own split lips.

"_Mom?" _

Time seemed to freeze, nightmares and images crashing together; he had to close his eyes from the pressure of them all building up behind his tired eyes.

"_Help me." _

The words as soft and fragile as a feather, easy to break, to bend, to destroy.

So why did they send sharp shards of ice straight through his very soul?

And why didn't it sound anything like her?

That was when his focus widened and he realised it wasn't her, not that it could have been anyway. He almost laughed at the delusion. _Almost._

He also realised his current situation. Trapped. Tied up like an animal, rope wrapped his already bruised wrists tightly together. Feeling eyes watching him, he looked up; she was watching every little movement he made.

They weren't gagged, yet they hadn't spoken bar the helpless whispers upon his awakening. He could barely look at her through fear of seeing her, fear of the images overwhelming him again; like they had in the previous days. He couldn't help her escape if he was trapped within his own little hell.

And _that,_ beyond anything, was more important. He _had_ to rescue her, to make sure she didn't suffer the same fate and his mother had all those years ago. He looked down so he wouldn't see the symmetry of her expression.

He knew that she would be asking questions soon, or at least trying to talk to him but he didn't think he was ready. Just as he thought that she was about to talk he was saved from talking back when the door slammed open.

Both of the restrained people in the room jumped as the door swung on its hinges into the wall and a medium built man strolled in.

"Well, Anthony, we meet again." The man breathed right into his ear.

Tony flinched violently away from the man's freezing words, just how the hell had he gotten so close all of a sudden. He wasn't _that _unfocused, _was he?_

_Dark eyes and a glint of metal flashed through his mind. The looming men circling a small form in a similar room. _

Then he was back in the present and those other green eyes were boring holes into him, asking questions, seeking answers. Answers he didn't want to give. Answers that had been illusive to him as well.

_His own muffled shout of pain echoed in his mind. _

But he wasn't gagged now, he had been then. Then why, why were images popping up now that he didn't remember. His breathing seemed to stutter in his chest as she screamed but it was as if it was distant, distorted somehow, almost as if through the walls or maybe only he could hear it.

_His mind flashed again and the familiar man just kept staring, as if watching Tony remember gave him pleasure._ _But he was disconnected, disassociated from the form of a small boy having a knife dug into his shoulder._

The pained flared up but he didn't remember having any kind of scar there. No it hadn't happened, it was someone else then. _It had to be._

_He walked towards the small, shaking figure not knowing what to do or to say; it looked so scared huddled up into the corner. _

"_Hey, I'm not going to hurt you." _

_The boy looked up and he stopped breathing, the eyes…_

_It _was_ him. _

"_No."_

The images sparked and vanished as quickly as flashes of lightening; jolting him from past to present.

"No." Tony gasped out through his panicked breaths. The man laughed harshly and shoved him roughly against the wall; putting pressure on his throat, making his vision grey at the edges. _Not this again. _

Something metallic and cold grazed down his cheek down to his jaw line, taunting him with harm and that chilling voice was back again.

"You won't escape this time, little Anthony." The shiver that ran though his body was hidden by the tremors caused by his wheezing breaths.

The man smirked at the Agent's eyes widening.

Just as Tony was about to lose consciousness the man let go and simply walked out of the room.

Tony slid down the wall, not caring that he was being stared at. Not caring how weak he looked for the moment. He just needed a moment to gather his thoughts, his memories…whatever they were.

The room fell silent except for the quickened breathing of the two captives, neither quite knowing what to do or how to even start a conversation.

Soft tears ran down Julia's face, leaving clean lines of skin down her cheeks. She wondered what the hell was happening, she'd done nothing to anger anyone and here she was, trapped in her own basement while her family was away. She needed answers and if this guy had known him, then he would have them.

Though she didn't know what to say. The man her captor had brought in seemed the strong type but a fear in his eyes made her questions who he was, and what was happening. Wiping away her tears defiantly she spoke into the silence.

"You know him?" She tried to keep her tone neutral but it came out all wrong and accusing, she bit her lip when the guy looked up at her. His eyes, they were almost the same shade as hers.

He knew that she hadn't meant for it to sound like that but it didn't make it hurt any less. He'd be angry too if he'd been taken away from a life of normalcy in to hell in his own home. He didn't want to tell a complete stranger something he had only just told his friends but then, it wasn't as if telling her was going to change anything anytime soon.

"He killed my mother." He left out the part he didn't really remember. He heard a quite gasp from the other side of the small room and looked down. He wasn't going to talk about it; sure he'd say that, but nothing else.

The space became silent again, what could you really say to that?

Julia knew that apologizing wasn't going to help for some reason for this person that she'd just met, so she changed the subject, talking was keeping her from thinking too much, maybe it would do the same for him.

"Who are you?" She questioned while watching him, he seemed to be gathering up some sort of front and of all the things in the world smiled.

"Special Agent Tony DiNozzo, at your service." He even added a wink in for good measure. They both knew the playful tone in his words were a lie but stuck with it anyway.

She tried not to show on her face that she was doubtful that he was an agent but she knew he'd seen the brief flash of uncertainty. He ignored it as best he could and continued the conversation.

"And you are?"

"Julia." She smiled weakly back at him.

"Well this is a nice place you've got here Julia." Even if it wasn't funny it still made her laugh a little, even through her fear.

And even if he'd looked scared a little while ago, now she knew his name and had seen him rally to try and lighten the mood she felt a little fear melt away, almost as if he'd done it before. She wondered…

"Have you…er….been kidnapped before?" The faltering smile on the Agents face answered her question. She was caught by surprise when she found her self yawning.

"You know, you should sleep, I'll watch your back." And for some reason she believed him and promptly fell asleep. She'd been held captive for who knows how long now and nobody was due back for at least a couple of days.

Now that she was resting he got a good look around the room. _Come on DiNozzo, you can find a way out._ He heard Gibbs' voice telling him. He sighed though when he realised that again there were no windows, nothing to show even what day it was. Time was meaningless.

Julia seemed mostly unharmed as far as he could see; there were cuts on her hands and the same rope marks that were around his but other than that she seemed fine. Well, obviously not fine but good enough for now. He hoped more than anything that he'd be able to get her out of here, that he wouldn't fail someone else like he had his mother.

Tony's eyes started to feel heavy all of a sudden without anyone to talk to, but he couldn't sleep. Each time he closed his eyes he saw new images pop up. He tried to focus on the door but his body started to feel listless and numb, he tried to shake his head free from the fuzz but it made him dizzy.

The door opened and he briefly wondered how much time had passed. More than one person rushed in gathering them up ready for the next stage of the torture. Tony's faded memory did distinctly remember there being more than one person the last time but no names, the only name he knew was James, he seemed to be the ring leader.

But why come back after all this time? Why do this _again_?

Then he was floating, dark figures around him once again. Somebody else was being moved too, soft scraps of metal sounded around the basement and nothing made sense. He didn't remember those sounds the last time.

What the hell was going on here?....

TBC

_Okay, I've decided to give you all another chapter seen as i made you wait so long for the other and the lovely reviews i got for the previous chapter, the next chapter should be out by the end of the week. Please review as always!!!_


	13. Mercy

_Really sorry for the longer than planned wait for the next chapter, things got a little hectic towards the end of the college term and all and my brain decided to go for a walk and block any kind of writing of this story. On with the story then._

**Chapter 13- Mercy**

"Ducky! Have you heard anything from Gibbs? He's not answering his phone and he always answers. What if they're in trouble? What if…" Abby's worried rant was cut off by the elderly doctor's calming voice.

"Abigail, my dear, calm down. I'm sure they are just busy." The soothing tone calmed her a little but did nothing to quell the anxiety building up within her.

"But…" And again Abby was cut off by Ducky's phone ringing.

Moving to answer the call, Ducky held a gaze with the young Goth, trying to calm her down further. Though he knew that when she was in this state the only thing that could calm her down was the one man she had been trying to contact. He also had a bad feeling but wasn't going to worry the young girl more than she already was.

"Doctor Mallard." Answered Ducky professionally. "Oh Dear." Ducky sighed, Abby's eyes widened in alarm. Something _was_ wrong. "We'll be right there. Thank you." Placing the phone back into its holder, Ducky took a moment to think of how to tell Abby the news, knowing how she would react.

"Now don't worry my dear, it is nothing serious, but Jethro is in the hospital." Abby's eyes filled before the elderly doctors eyes then quickly switched to angry then to women on a mission mode. The change almost made him dizzy.

"Not Serious! This is Gibbs we are talking about Ducky! But Gibbs is always okay and what about Tony, where is he in all this." She stopped, expecting an answer but…nothing.

Ducky had nothing to say, and that was just so far beyond 'hinky' that is was a new level of wrong all on its own.

"I'm afraid Anthony wasn't taken to the hospital," the doctor paused when Abby gasped in shock, though before he could continue the young Goth tried to stutter out some kind of a response.

"H-He's…not….he…can't." Knowing the poor girl was about to breakdown he quickly resumed what he'd been saying.

"I assure you, he is not dead. Though I am afraid it seems Anthony is now missing."

The silence of the room after that statement said it all really…

x-X-x

Tony awoke slowly, head pounding, hands now bound in front of his body and attached to a thick, grey chain which had been bolted into the wall. All new fittings and bolts so he figured he hadn't been moved yet. Clearing his fuzzy vision by shaking his head turned out to be a mistake as pain lanced through his brain, he breathed deep to try and stop himself bringing up the little food he'd had recently.

Moving as fast as he dared he took in the rest of the room. On the other side of the room to him he saw Julia, shackled up by her wrists to the wall, the shackles also looked new. Julia's head was down and Tony worried that they may have done something to her and that he'd not been able to help. Testing his body's limits and the limits of the chain he moved slowly towards her.

"Julia?" His voice trembled a little but he decided it was well within the normal level of fear for the given situation, well, he couldn't be seen as being week now could he.

The chain rattled and scraped against the cold floor of the room, but it was also running shorter. Tony was mere inches away from Julia when the chain pulled against whatever force he had mustered and held him back.

_So damn close_.

Tony sighed and his posture sagged, his risen spirit suddenly deflated. Not that he'd be able to do much of anything anyway without the whole room tilting as it did or with the fact that his hands were so firmly shackled together that it was restricting the blood flow to his fingers.

Tony shivered despite the clinging warmth of the small room. He looked around, hoping for anything that make give him the upper hand, or even get him and Julia out of the room. With loathing he realised that his hands shook with fine tremors, whether due to his own shivering or fear he hadn't determined yet. But all it would show to his captor was fear, and he refused to be scared by this man ever again.

He could feel his mind start to detach again in face of the fear but it was dragged back when a small whispered voice breeched the silence of their confinement.

"Tony?" Julia's breaths increased as she realised her predicament and she panicked. "Tony, help me!" She looked to her would be saviour as he moved closer, she hope that he'd be able to free her soon.

But then as he stepped closer and saw him stop she heard the resistance on the chains binding his own arms. So close but yet so far away. He looked apologetically at her; and though he needn't have said it he still did.

"I'm sorry." Just saying the well practiced words; made him feel as helpless as he had all those years ago.

Then they both flinched as they heard the door forced open with an almighty bang.

"Well..." James sneered, "Who shall I start with first?" Even though he already knew exactly who he was starting with. He wasn't surprised when his little Anthony answered first. He started the small journey towards the person he'd been wanting to kill for years. He saw the man tense slightly then he stopped. His little Anthony has broken the rules.

"Tut, tut little Anthony, you broke the rules, now she must pay."

"What! What rules?" Tony glared at James, anger lacing his voice, they hadn't been told any rules to abide by. _Since when had there been rules anyway?_

"You will learn." He replied simply, his eyes glowing with purely evil intentions.

"But how…" all the while, his mid was screaming at the unfairness of the rules when he didn't even know them.

"Do you want to be the reason she is tortured more?" James questioned snidely, knowing this would stop the man. Tony stilled and could only watch as James moved towards Julia.

Tony tried everything he could to block out the scream he heard a few minutes later.

Nothing worked.

Unfortunately, it wasn't just Julia's scream he heard.

x-X-x

"Gibbs!" Abby cried out as she raced into the room.

Gibbs winced a little a the sound and bit his lip when she crashed into him when she hugged but allowed her this as he knew she'd been worried and still looked a little distraught. After Abby had released him he wondered what had become of his other agents.

"McGee and Kate are looking over the crime scene." Abby told him. He didn't want to ask the next question but needed to.

"Anything on Tony?" Abby expression looked crestfallen at it and answered in a somewhat sad tone.

"No, nothing." She looked down trying not to cry. Tony could be anywhere by now and considering the nature of the crime they knew he wouldn't have long.

"Anything at all?" this time Abby merely shook her head.

The worried silence that had been encompassing the room was broken by Ducky's entrance.

"Jethro, it is good to see you awake my friend." Ducky smiled and nodded.

"So, Duck, time to leave?" Both Ducky and Abby knew that it wasn't a question and chuckled a little. His head may have still been pounding a little from the concussion but that hadn't stopped him before and it wouldn't stop him now._ Nothing_ would.

"I have convinced your doctor that I will be keeping an eye on you for the next 24 hours." That was all that was needed for Gibbs to start moving, knowing that ducky would have already sighed him out.

Catching Abby's eye, Gibbs' gazed told her that they would find Tony.

The only question left being; _would they get there in time?_

x-X-x

The screams had stopped now but the pain hadn't, the pain frozen in Julia's eyes as if a flash had been taken seconds before her life had ended. Trapping the fear and terror within her body; as if forever stuck with them emotions.

Tony had no idea what was next, he felt pain but he hadn't been touched yet, no, this wasn't physical. It was worse, much worse. It ran deeper than anything else ever had bar one time. This was just as bad, she hadn't known him and nor he known her but he was more able to help now, more able to do something.

But…

…But anything he had done had only caused her more pain. That had been the rules. Anytime he'd tried to help she'd been hurt but he could have done nothing, it was against every fibre of his being now. The pain her death had caused evolved into hate and it forced anger through his blood stream, anger was one of the only things he had felt in the moment Julia had cessed to continuing living. He would use that anger later. Though he knew how fast his emotions could change at the moment he held on to the anger that had risen like the flowers hung to the sunlight.

He wasn't forced to watch like the first time but he found that he couldn't turn away, in a horrid fascination he watched Julia's life being taken in the exact same way as his mother had been ripped from him. His tired brain struggled to keep up the difference in the two woman's appearances; so it made up a mix of the two. Each of the screams punctured his very soul like the knife did to Julia's skin, slicing away any mercy he would give this man when he was able to escape.

James hadn't needed the other people now; they'd just get in the way. He knew how to control his little Anthony. The reason for the name being that is what his mother had called him. He wanted to torture this man to the point past recovery and he was succeeding. Every time he called him that, he saw the man flinch; as if a reminder of the past slapping him in the face. It made him feel all warm inside. He hadn't felt this good since that other time. When the man trying to pretend he'd been resting had been a mere child.

When Tony's own torture started he looked straight ahead into the cold calculating eyes of the man that had killed his mother; he vowed to get his revenge somehow. Due to the numbing in his mind and soul he barely felt the knife being slowly forced in his shoulder, through skin, then muscle then into the bone, nor the bubble of blood that leaked from the wound and others like it across his body. He also barely reacted to the pain racing like razors through his entire body as the knife was slowly twisted and then removed.

He winced minutely but wouldn't allow this person the same reaction as he'd given all those years ago. He was just waiting for his moment to strike…

x-X-x

Gibbs' headache had lasted two days, one day less than Tony had been missing; and they still hadn't had a lead on Tony or James. Bank records had been cheeked, phones looked at, and signals routed to Abby's lab if they were switched on. Known accomplices taken for questioning but none of the right ones, they'd already fled the city when their task had been done.

The days had grown longer each time they thought they had a small lead. Gibbs had enjoyed interrogation Tony's father and at one point had lost his temper. He remembered clearly…

"_Just what the hell gives you the right to blame your son for the death of your wife when it'd been you who had messed the deal up!" Gibbs had shouted and by this point had the elder DiNozzo held by his throat against the wall of interrogation room one. _

_Both Kate and McGee had, at this point been ready to move in but stopped at the shouted reply. _

"_Because James had been ordered to kill the little brat not my wife!" _

_With that lingering in the air they knew that Mr DiNozzo wouldn't be seeing the outside work ever again and no amount of money would make it a possibility. _

_Everyone watching the interrogation wondered what in the world possessed someone's own father to want his own and only son killed. Gibbs had asked the question but gotten no reply. But the elder DiNozzo had mumbled something about Tony taking all of his wife's attention. _

_Gibbs resisted the urge to punch the man and tell him to grow up. 'Shame, did big bad DiNozzo not get enough loving' a small voice in Gibbs' head sneered. That was no excuse to want to kill your only child. And from the look of the man Gibbs could tell there was something else behind it. _

_Just what in the hell else was Tony not telling them?..._

However that had been yesterday and today they seemed no closer to discovering the whereabouts of Tony. Tony had been missing for three days. When Gibbs realised that they were only on Saturday of this rollercoaster of a week he sighed. It truly showed how quickly things could change in this job.

They all stayed overnight on Saturday, like they had the previous days but still to no avail. They had nothing and leads were getting thin now. Gibbs' Gut was telling him they were very almost out of time and he hoped beyond anything that they would find something soon.

Abby awoke to a dinging sounding coming from one of her many pieces of equipment. A phone connected to Tony's case had been turned on. She immediately called Gibbs down to her lair and rushed over to him telling him the news.

They didn't care why the phone had been switched on at the moment; all they cared about was that he could lead them to where Tony was. That could be worked out later.

The fears Gibbs had about it were squashed down as soon as they arose; he refused to believe that it could be due to James needing help to cover the evidence.

Ducky had learned that the systematic torture only lasted for a maximum of about three days. They'd reached their limit and they knew it.

Abby had barely finished writing the address down before the paper was out of her hands and rushing off with her fearless leader. None of the team was in the room for the whispered words she sent to them.

"Bring him back to us Gibbs, please."

x-X-x

Tony's vision faded slowly, silence emanating around the room. He was so tired now; he'd done all he could with what had been left. He had no energy to do anything more. He could have tried to crawl up but it was futile; the door was locked, he'd heard it click when James had entered the room. He had no idea where the others were but knew that if he were to be found by them he'd surely be dead. They wouldn't like the fact they he'd killed their boss.

Speaking of, he looked towards the man that had killed his mother and smiled a small but bleak smile. The murderer was dead now; both his mother and unfortunately now Julia had been avenged. His eyes slipped closed for longer this time and everything faded further. The two pairs of dead eyes looked towards the only living person in the room.

Though for how long the person would be living wasn't known. Neither was the reason known for the remaining man's eyes to fade to black yet remain wide open. His breathing become shallower the darker his vision got and he knew he was losing to the darkness creeping up on him.

One of the last things the man heard was a small voice in his mind. _So tired, can rest now._ Everything was done, sorted, finished. The other men didn't matter, they would be caught eventually. All that mattered was that Julia and Tony's mom had been avenged.

His nerves were fried with pain and exhaustion; an image of his team flashed though his mind and the voices last words were an apology, he hadn't meant for any of them to get hurt. _Especially Gibbs._

TBC

_Hope you like it. *Grins* Sorry about the wait but rushes away from the stones people are about to throw because of the cliffy. The next chapter is written, I just need to clear it up to co-inside with this one as I seem to have written them out of order haha. Hopefully there aren't too many mistakes as it is 2am in the morning. Thanks for reading. _


	14. Dystopia

**Chapter 14- Dystopia **

Arriving at the address, they stopped and looked at the house. It was quite simply a perfect, typical American dream house, even down to the white picked fence and neatly kempt garden. The sun was quietly rising behind the house creating a welcoming glow; making the whole scene look perfectly picturesque.

The scene reminded them that it wasn't even in their jurisdiction; this was a normal home, to a normal family. Whose lives could be changed for ever if they'd been too late? Not that it mattered to the team whether or not they should have been there, they'd gotten a lead, and considering what it could mean they _had_ to follow it. So they would investigate it until they either found nothing, or their friend. Hopefully the latter.

The sound of an arriving car shook them out of their initial hesitation. A family car began its way up the drive way of the house, stopping behind their vehicle. None of the agents wanted to do the next job as a man came out of the car and looked around in surprise at them being there. A child, a boy, no younger than ten years old stared out at them through the window and Kate couldn't help but remember that that's how old Tony had been when all this had started.

"What are you doing outside my house?" The person asked, his dark eyes looking around, seeing if anything seemed out of place.

"We have reason to believe that a criminal is in there."

"What? How?" The man ran his hand through his dark, scruffy looking hair. Then, as if remembering something, he paled. "What about my wife? She was supposed to be home when we got back."

"Had she had any arguments recently, with anyone, neighbours, family?" Asked Kate trying to sound calming rather than the harsh way Gibbs had asked the question and others like it over the past couple of days. The man simply shook his head.

"No, not anything I can remember. We've been away since Monday. But why are you asking these questions? Who are you people?" Well, at least they now had a time-line of how long the man's wife had been on her own for thought Kate.

"NCIS, Naval Criminal Investigative Service." Gibbs stated as if he had said it a million times before.

"Navy? But we're not in the Navy."

"No, you aren't, but the person we believe is being held there is one of our Agents." McGee placated as the man had started to get irritated. The man moved out of their way and allowed them entrance into the house.

x-X-x

Moving quickly into the perfect looking house the first thing that Gibbs noticed was the recognizable smell of blood, tarnishing the perfect feel of the house. The next thing he noticed was the absolute destruction of the rooms he'd already cleared and walked past.

Books, papers, and clothes lay strewn across the floor haphazardly and speckled with tiny blood drops. Shards of glassware, also dotted with blood, lying broken on the kitchen floor, bubbles still floating on the surface of the sink water and clinging on to the shattered pieces of porcelain; as if someone had been attacked while washing up.

Each time he entered a room he almost expected to see Tony's body lying in the middle of a crimson pool, not that he wanted it to end that way of course. But at this moment in time it seemed that that was all that was possible, even his gut hadn't told him otherwise and statistics said as much.

They as a team had learned so much and come so far that it couldn't be over now, not when they had finally gotten a lead. Not when they had come so close to catching the person who had changed one of their team mates lives forever. To have it end now, without justice, without solace, without anything. Well, it was just wrong. Though thinking about it from a logical point of view, what else did they really expect? Their jobs proved this more than anything else.

Both McGee and Kate were following Gibbs through the house, noting the complete and utter silence surrounding them. The air its self seem almost stale, decayed, and still; and seemed to only get thicker the further they got into the house. They, unlike Gibbs, still held on to some tiny slither of hope. Their thoughts were interrupted when Gibbs ordered them out of the house, under the rouse of calling back up and keeping people out.

They tried to argue but Gibbs was having none of it, the place had been cleared except for one room, the basement. They didn't need to see what was there quite yet. Gibbs had the feeling that it was something bad, but nothing could have prepared him for what he did see when he opened the door and walked down the stone, blood spattered stairs.

Each step further down into the darkness the more his gut clenched.

Not wanting to get closer he continued all the same, he needed to know if his agent was here or not.

Whether for better or for worse.

The decaying smell reached him before the horror of the sight.

And he wondered how Tony had managed to cope with this the last time.

Two bodies lay splayed on the stone floor; one face down, one face up, however, both had pools of blood beneath them. A thick red-grey chain seemed to snake from underneath one of the bodies, through the clinging pool of blood. But neither seemed to be growing, nor were the bodies moving, or chests expanding, which could only mean one thing. That either they were both dead or close enough for it not to matter what he did now.

And it made him want to leave, to run, to escape from this place. He'd always believed that he could handle anything but… if this were to be the place where Tony had been killed, he'd never be able to step foot in here again. He'd even turned; ready to run, when another sight stopped him fully in his tracks…

x-X-x

Back outside the atmosphere was tense, the child was getting restless sitting in the car all alone. The father wasn't sure where he stood or what to do. He couldn't find the words to tell their only son that his mother might be in danger. That she might even be dead. Who the hell were these agents to come and ruin a perfectly good trip with his son? But he knew he had to tell Jake something so unlocked the car.

The agents watched as the small boy leapt into his father's waiting arms. A blatant, in your face difference to Tony's and his father's relationship that they'd been witness to in the hospital earlier in the week.

Neither Kate nor McGee could fathom their own parents being as….they couldn't even put a word to how Tony's father had acted towards his own family. No wonder Tony saw his work colleagues as his family instead.

And Kate finally realised that even for all her training, she hadn't been able to read Tony as he'd hidden everything but what he wanted them to know away from her and the rest of the team. Her heart ached for the man she'd gotten used to and how he'd managed all this time to hold a secret like he had.

The father simple stood there; his son in his arms, looking at their perfect house, wondering how long it was until they saw Julia again. Hoping that the feeling creeping up on him was going to be wrong, he'd give all the money he had in his savings for it to be wrong…

x-X-x

A third body hung from shackles on one of the side walls, deep cuts across her body, seemingly in every joint or part that wouldn't cause immediate death. Rather, a very slow and very painful demise. Mousey brown hair hung limply from her head, covering her face. He also saw the shackles had been new at one point before being splatter in the innocent women's blood.

Gibbs moved toward her as she was the closest. Uncovering her face he saw that it hadn't been touched by the torturer, the only signs he could see of the endured pain was the almost completely white complexion and the fine lines of terror permanently marked on her face.

Gibbs was glad that he'd kept both McGee and Kate out of the room; they were guarding the house and keeping the father and son out of what had been a perfect home until backup arrived, at least then they wouldn't have to see there friend amongst all this. Gibbs had only seen this sort of thing in war torn countries, never in his own backyard as such.

Yes, there had been other violent crimes but this; this was the complete, purposeful harm of other human beings, no fit of revenge, no jealousy from an enraged lover. Just pure hate for another person; the type that would break the mind of the most stoic marine. Not that Gibbs would ever admit to that though. And he wished that his Agent, his son hadn't been put thought this. The silent 'again' was lost on his lips as he saw the eyes of the women who hung limply on the shackles.

Eyes that were so familiar to his Agents that his breath caught in his throat.

Being reminded of the agent he had actually been looking for, his attention was again focused on the two bodies on the floor. Blood smears, hand-prints, signs of struggle littered the room's surfaces. He'd been so shocked by the whole feel and appearance of the room he'd neglected to look closely at them.

And He regretted every minute, every second he'd taken to be shocked and immediately moved to look over the bodies.

The first thing he noticed was that the one facing up had his eyes open, the eyes…..green, no….it wasn't Tony his mind screamed as his own eyes narrowed, only focusing on the unblinking ones of his agent.

He _had_ been too late.

Too late to save an innocent life.

Too late to stop Tony reliving the pain.

Too late to save his only son.

He'd failed the only family he had left. Abby would be distraught, Ducky would try to reason it out, telling him that it hadn't been his fault.

Kate and McGee would be lost. No amount of coffee would ever change Gibbs' mood early in the morning. Not knowing part of him was lost to him forever.

His legs didn't want to move now that he'd have to prove his worse nightmare come true. Which is why; when he saw a faint movement in the body's chest his breath quickened in anticipation and he practically ran the rest of the way to his agent, not giving a damn that he was only mere steps away.

Feeling the cooling skin beneath his fingers, Gibbs started to panic; he knelt down on Tony's right side and rested his hand on his Agent's chest. He felt the slow beating of his heart, but it was far too slow. As if there wasn't anything left keeping it alive, not enough blood to force the valves open and closed, weak contractions of the walls, it just seemed to beat less as blood still pooled from leaking wounds. There was far too many to try and staunch the blood from flowing out of. But that didn't stop him trying. Finding his agent's tattered shirt lying around he ripped it to strips and he tried to bandage at least the larger wounds scattered across Tony's pale, bruise mottled body.

"Tony?" He asked softly.

But the open, staring eyes didn't move, didn't focus, and didn't blink. Yet the heart still beat slowly beneath his hand.

Thump… blood flowed in.

Thump… blood was pushed out and trickled away.

Leaving Tony's body with little to survive and Gibbs would be damned if Tony was going to die here. They'd called the ambulance just in case and he wondered where it was, eternal minutes had passed and each one that trickled by the slower the beat became, the more distant the dim light in his Agent's eyes became.

The light needed a tether, a rope, something for it to hold on to. Waving his hand across Tony's vision his own heart sunk as no reaction came.

Nothing!

Complete desolation penetrated Gibbs' very soul, causing him to shiver in the overly warm room.

Gibbs wanted to shake the stillness out of him but he couldn't, it would only hurt him more wouldn't it? Maybe it was his position that had kept him alive so far, kept the stuttered, struggling breathing going. Gibbs was afraid and he didn't care, he'd admit it.

Now that they'd found Tony they couldn't even do anything to help him it seemed; even though the shackles weren't stopping his agent, they must have been taken off for a brief time and that must have been when Tony had struck. He couldn't even hold him, as though a child, _his child_, through fear he'd uncover more wounds he couldn't fix or order into submission.

With one hand placed on Tony's chest, Gibbs moved his other and placed it on Tony's warm but cooling forehead. Distant eyes stared through Gibbs' own and it made him want to turn away. To somehow un-see what the room held. Keeping his hands in fixed positions Gibbs levelled his head to Tony's right ear and whispered words only for his ears to hear.

At that moment EMT's came rushing in.

And Tony's eyelids finally closed.

TBC

_Another evil chapter but at least they have Tony now hehe. Now, the next chapter isn't written but barring any complications it shouldn't take too much longer. Thanks for readin so far and please review! they are like cookies to me!!_


	15. Aftermath

_Sorry about the wait for this, the last part was harder to write than I thought it would be. It needed to feel right. Enjoy the chapter!!! Gibbs may be a little OOC though I hope not too much. _

**Chapter 15- Aftermath**

"Sir, if you want us to help him you need to move." A voice spoke, muffled slightly, not reaching the part of Gibbs' mind that would carry out the action,

He needed to be near his agent, needed to save his agent. Sounds didn't reach him in his haze. As long as he stayed here, Tony was safe. Tony was within his grasp and safe with him. He couldn't no, _wouldn't_ let him go again.

"Sir, please!" Yet still the desperate tone of the EMT didn't cut through the haze. Then suddenly a familiar voice reached him. But it didn't matter. All that did matter was that he didn't let Tony out of his sight.

He knew it was irrational and out of character but he needed to do this, nobody was taking Tony away from him now.

"Jethro, it is okay now, they will take care of Anthony." Ducky pleaded with his friend, trying to pry Jethro's blood stained hands away so the medical professionals could do their jobs.

He, himself had been shocked when he had entered the dingy basement. Seeing his friend look so… lost very almost broke his heart. The poor boy, their friend; having to relive everything that they had read in those files just mere days ago.

Eventually, Ducky had calmed Jethro enough so that the EMT's could get Tony on a stretcher. Gibbs stayed along side as they rushed out of the room, looking almost as if he were on auto-pilot. Barely even noticing his presence and it disturbed him more than anyone would know.

Turning towards the remaining bodies in the small basement, Ducky got to work knowing that he'd soon be joining Jethro at the hospital and awaiting news on Anthony.

x-X-x

Two things happened that would stay with Kate and McGee for the rest of their lives that morning. Though which of the two was worse was too close to call.

First had been the disconnected look on their boss' face as he followed the stretcher holding their team mate on. It was almost as if he didn't know what to do next, though in all fairness, neither did they. Tony looked dead to the world from their position in the garden. What they could see of him underneath the blanket seemed far too pale for their usually lightly tanned friend. But before they could get any closer both Gibbs and Tony were gone.

The second; a strangled sob stood out from the other sounds in the street, McGee and Kate turned around to see Ducky walking out of the house. The owner of the house ran towards Ducky who had a grim look upon his face. Bring nobody else out to the ambulances that were still waiting, meant only one thing.

"It can't. She's not! I don't believe you!" He screamed out, the young boy by his side looked around at everything; all but lost in the madness.

It was painful to watch the scene play out. All McGee and Kate could hear were the sounds of the police and the emergency services that were milling around. They saw Ducky placing a calming hand on the arm of the man whose life had just changed. The man just seemed to deflate more and he sank to the ground, on eye level with his son. The boy started to cry and his Dad wrapped his arms around him, also crying. All this happened in what felt like an eternity and seemingly silently to the two agents watching.

It was the worse thing that they'd seen so far in there time in NCIS and neither knew what to do with it, or where to even start with the investigation. Gibbs had vanished and Ducky was busy.

Just as they started towards the house another team of agents came to help them. They could only hope that they were doing the right thing in carrying on at the crime scene and not seeing how Tony or Gibbs was.

Later when they had finished with the room they knew that they wouldn't be sleeping that night and hoped beyond anything that in time they would forget all the dried blood, all the staring eyes that invaded their minds every time they closed their eyes, all the injuries that had been inflicted on the other victim.

x-X-x

_At the hospital…_

Abby rushed towards an oddly, non-pacing Gibbs as she entered the waiting room but stopped at the sight of him.

Blood.

Like spiders webs clinging around his arms, covering his hands and clothes. Dark crimson; a congealed mess. Cold, dry, and permanent looking. Stained, everything tarnished with their friend's blood. Abby had to look away for a moment.

Far more than safe if you wanted the person to have survived. _No!_ Tony wasn't….she'd know. Wouldn't she?

It was different when it was the liquid that was suppose to be running through the veins of a loved one. Anyone else you can detach, not get involved. But here, now…you had no choice.

Then, when she looked back, she saw the expression on his face and the look in his eyes. Her heart almost stopped. Gibbs looked lost. Eyes staring at something unknown to her. And she wasn't sure what in the world was going on. Gibbs was always Gibbs, the look was not one seen upon his usually stern face. Tony wasn't…couldn't be? _Could he?_

But then before she could do anything more Ducky rushed in, took one look at Gibbs, and shouted for a nurse to come to his aid.

Abby just stood there, alone in the waiting room for what seemed like an eternity, wondering what was happening. What had happened that had done that to Gibbs? Was Tony even still alive? Where were Kate and McGee?

When Ducky appeared moments later it took a few calls of her name to clear the confusion in her mind.

"What happened, Ducky?" Abby's voice was fearful, both of her favourite people were…she didn't even know. Tears filled her eyes at the notion that she could lose them both, even if she didn't have any evidence proving that she would.

"Abigail, I assure you, they will be okay in time." Ducky tried to sooth.

"In time? What's that suppose to mean Ducky? What happened to them?" Abby was nearly hysterical asking the questions.

"Jethro needs rest, he's been running on coffee these last few hours, and his body decided that it would force him to stop. A mild case of shock at seeing Tony like that and exhaustion."

However, even the soothing tone did nothing to dispel Abby's worry.

"See Tony like what, Ducky?" Ducky sighed heavily at the simple question. He knew that the young girl would be distraught at her friend's injuries if that last time Tony had been in hospital was any measure to go by.

Tears ran freely down Abby's face as Ducky explained the amount of injuries Tony had, it was almost an exact replica of the ones his mother had had. Ducky also explained that Tony had yet to wake up and hadn't all the way to the hospital.

x-X-x

While Abby had been getting answers off Ducky, Kate and McGee entered the house where they had been sent now. They had gathered the evidence from the other scene and frankly, were happy to be away from all the blood that had been left after the bodies had been moved. Abby had found another address that had been connected to James in the area. It wasn't far from both of the victims houses on the grand scale of things but why one naval and one civilian victim? How had he gotten to both?

Upon entering the house, they saw sparsely decorated and furnished rooms, an average sized TV, pretty much an average house for one person living alone. Though, it was rather large when they came to think about it; considering it was just_ one_ person that they'd known to have lived there.

Searching all the down stairs rooms they found nothing but empty cupboards, a barely used kitchen and a bare fridge. It was almost as if the person that did live here hadn't been back in a long while. Even the light spread of dust proved that fact.

Once they'd cleared all the rooms downstairs, they headed up the creaky staircase into the main bedroom. That was when they stopped.

Hundreds of pictures were littered on the walls, some of Julia, some of Cassandra. Even some of Tony and his mom all those years ago; at these they had to turn away for a moment, they hated the look in Tony's eyes that the man had created. There were also blueprints for an apartment complex, which when looked at closely, was found to be of Tony's apartment complex.

Cartons and packages of half eaten and slightly decaying food were strewn across the floor, as if he'd been obsessed with looking his own handy work but then just took up and left. They cleared the rest of the floor and then started collecting everything they needed for an air tight case. It was the least they could do for their friend. They worked in a somewhat sombre silence; they had yet to hear anything about Tony. If they were honest though, they didn't really know what to say about anything they'd seen today.

x-X-x

Hours later, Gibbs had been released with orders to rest and he and Abby were waiting outside of Tony's room, waiting for the doctors to come out so that they could go back and watch over him until he awoke.

McGee and Kate had been and gone with information about the case; telling them about the house that Rendall had rented and all the observation pictures. They had also seen Tony briefly, McGee had awkwardly tried to speak to him, Kate had held his hand, not having anything to say. None of them knew what to say that would make any of what had happened better. They could only be there when he woke up. They'd worried about him but had been sent back to the office to see if they could find any other people related to the case. They needed to get all that were involved, if they wanted the case closed for everyone's sake; Tony, his mom, Cassandra and Julia. They just _had_ to find some evidence to link everyone and everything together.

As Gibbs and Abby entered and laid their eyes on Tony's still form they wondered what was keeping him unconscious. The doctors didn't seem too worried yet but it didn't stop them feeling as if they could do nothing to help Tony.

Gibbs settled awkwardly into a chair, still recovering from the effects of the shock his body had decided to have gone into a couple of hours ago. Abby took the other chair in the room and they settled in to them for the night, both hoping that Tony would wake up soon.

"He'll be okay, right, Gibbs?" Abby whispered into the silent room, except the machines that told them that Tony's heart was still beating. She expected anything but the answer she got though and sighed as she watched Tony's face for signs that he'd being returning to the land of the conscious.

"I wish I knew, Abby."

x-X-x

_A soft wind blew through a young Tony's hair. He'd finally managed to escape the confines of the large but empty feeling house. Nothing was the same now, not after…_

_Well, _that_ was not to be discussed. Not ever. _

_His eyes stung every time he thought about it, but DiNozzo men didn't cry so that was as close as he'd get to it. Not that he had to right to cry for her anyway. He'd caused it. Well, that's what he'd been told by his father. _

_Even the age that he was something rumbled within him every time he was blamed but then maybe he was wrong. Maybe the images that haunted the darkness of his room each night were wrong. Maybe the green, frozen eyes which didn't hold an ounce of blame in them, which he saw every time he closed his own eyes, were wrong. _

_Kicking the ground he didn't understand anything, just knew that it was different. The notion that nobody lived for ever still hurt his chest. He'd wished every night since she's gone that she would return through his door, soothing away all the shadows that danced across his walls each night. _

_Even now, a few weeks later he still caught himself waiting, looking at the closed door of his bedroom. Expecting her. Being caught expecting, however, was a different matter all together. Also one never talked about, he simply accepted the fact that now his father would always hate him for living. He'd even said so himself. _

_At first he'd thought his father had been joking, he even laughed, but he'd regretted the action quickly. The anger in his father's eyes was real and aimed towards him. Sure, he'd seen it before but, that had been the first time he was scared that his father would actually kill him. _

_Sudden images, shards of a memory, flickered across his closed eyes as he walked. A loud noise. Blood seeping across a wooden floor, a smoke kind of smell filling his nostrils, then the image was gone and the young boy shuddered. He'd forgotten that memory on purpose, only to have it replaced by something much worse. _

_Maybe that was the reason he was to blame, he shouldn't have been looking where he had months ago and maybe none of this would have happened…_

TBC

_And yet more questions that Tony needs to answer, just what did he see all those years ago to make him think it was his fault. Who was really behind it all? And, who should have really been killed? And what in the world happened with all the formatting O.O, none of the other chapters have scene breaks :( _


	16. What You Thought You Knew

_Haha I know that it's been a while for this story as well so I thought I'd update, enjoy the very uncooperative chapter lol .I know a few people have been worried about Tony's mental state and I warn you now that this will not relieve that worry, you will see. Though at least now he's in a position to be helped, right? There's no real case development in this chapter but there is plenty of Tony/Gibbs. Hope you all like it. _

**Chapter 16- What You Thought You Knew **

Gibbs woke slowly from the uncomfortable chair next to his Agent's bed. He did a quick sweep of the room and was thankful that nothing had changed, maybe this time there would be no trouble in the hospital. The sun seeped in through the window lightly, warming the room to a nice temperature.

He'd sent Abby home before she could get settled; there was no reason for two of them to be cranky because they'd slept in the hard plastic chairs. Looking upon his Agent, Gibbs saw that Tony already seemed awake.

He smiled; the team and the doctors were hoping that Tony would wake up soon. They needed to ask Tony some questions as there had been some untreated head trauma involved when Tony had been taken down outside the grocery store.

However, the more he looked at Tony's expression, and the more he realised that Tony hadn't even acknowledge that he was there, his smile faltered. It was _that_ look again and he wished none of the past few weeks had happened for his Agent, hell, he wished that none of it had happened to his friend at all.

"Tony?"

For a moment he thought he wasn't going to get any kind of reaction and he was sorely tempted to call for a doctor and demand he tell him what was wrong with his agent, but Tony's head turned towards him almost mechanically and only ever so slightly. His eyes though, blank, distant, they never left a certain spot across the room, and they barely seemed to recognise who he was.

That was when Gibbs noticed that it was the door he was looking at and he'd seen Tony do that before; he wondered the significance of it and wondered whether he should ask or let Tony bury it with the rest of the memories.

Right now he was at a loss for what to do, he'd been told by Ducky that this may happen, that Tony would get trapped in a memory, but he'd hoped it wouldn't happen. The hospital's psychologist had been told of Tony's case but Gibbs had stopped listening, maybe he really should of he wondered as he watched Tony blink slowly. Maybe if he had, he'd know what to do…

"Boss?"

Tony's confused voice surprised him when it broke the concerned silence Gibbs had been trapped within.

But with Gibbs now unsure of what to ask the room became silent again, however, this time it was strained and tense.

Tony's mind was a jumbled mess; Gibbs couldn't be here, could he? Gibbs had been hurt because of him by James…what about Julia? Was she in the hospital as well? He needed to know…

"Where is she?" Tony looked hopefully towards his Boss.

"Who?" Gibbs asked, wondering what the hell his agent was going on about.

"Julia."

Gibbs paled…_Jesus…_If he'd been drinking coffee at the time he surely would have spit it out. Surely Tony knew, but then he remembered Ducky saying this might happen as well.

_Amnesia. _

Due to psychological shock Ducky had said_; _but Gibbs hadn't thought that Tony would forget that. It made sense but he didn't want to be the one to tell Tony that there hadn't been a chance of saving her.

"Boss? What is it?" Tony's voice pulled him out of his thoughts, Tony looked worried.

"Tony, She…"

But before Gibbs could figure out what he was going to say Abby burst into the room, making them both jump.

"Tony!" She squealed and threw her arms around him. Tony tried not to stiffen at the contact; pain made its self known throughout his body and saw a flash of memory of a knife slicing into him. Gibbs saw his eyes darken and hoped Tony wouldn't get stuck wherever he'd gone.

Clips of memory played through his mind like a movie…._Dead green eyes…blood….. shackles…..bodies laying on the floor…..the smell of burnt flesh….angry eyes…voices whispering 'Little Anthony'…._Tony shuddered under Abby and she pulled away wondering what was wrong.

As soon as she moved away, Tony held his head in his hands and tried to clear his mind and senses. The images couldn't be real but then, why was his sat in a hospital bed?

"She's dead, isn't she?" He whispered through his hands, Abby looked worriedly at her friend, wishing that he would stop being hurt. Gibbs motioned for Abby to leave so that he could talk to Tony in private.

"There was nothing you could have done." Gibbs knew it had been the wrong thing to say when Tony suddenly looked at him and his eyes flared with anger.

"You weren't there!" Though Tony didn't know why that particular sentence came out, it made him sound…weak? Childish? He didn't even know and was surprised when Gibbs responded.

"No, but I know you." And left it as that.

Sure because _that _helps, Tony thought bitterly.

To Gibbs' surprise Tony started to laugh. However, it was a dark, bitter laugh, one that left your insides feeling like they'd been dumped into the ice age.

Then the monitors around Tony started beeping erratically, Gibbs' mind went into overdrive and he pressed the button for a doctor, if they'd hadn't already heard the alarms. Gibbs noted that Tony's breathing was becoming erratic, he seemed to be hyperventilating.

"Tony! Tony calm down, it's okay." But Tony kept breathing harshly while still trying to laugh.

Gibbs wondered what the hell was going on. He tried soothing his agent but Tony couldn't seem to hear him.

"S-s-stop" Tony tried to scream through his struggling breathing, everything seemed to wobble and wave before him, his eyes narrowed. More images danced across his vision…

… _The mysterious men were coming at him, he tried to make himself as small as possible inside the badly smelling room…His mom still lay on the floor…the blood had turned sticky….then it was his mom alive but not…her face a sickly green and distorted…Tony closed his eyes…clawed hands grabbed him…'it was your fault Little Anthony'….._

"Nooo.." Gibbs heard Tony whisper, alarms were still blaring, he turned to see where the doctors were when they came through the door way.

But all Tony saw was men coming towards him and he needed to run. Now! Before more could be done to him.

Tony scampered off the hospital bed before the doctor could reach him, the monitor that had been hooked up to Tony crashed to the ground, and he backed up into a corner; trying to get as far away as possible. He saw the needle the doctor had been handed by a nurse and started muttering something under his breath.

"No more needles….no more…." but the words triggered another few snippets of memory…

…_Doctors rushing around the room….pin pricks of pain on his arm…screams that seemed detached from himself…finding the room cold, dark and lonely….nobody and nothing to distract him from constantly looking at the door way…hoping…another pain in his arm…."Keep him quiet!" shouted by a familiar voice… painless darkness….then just nothing _

The memories stopped but the men still kept coming closer; no matter how far he shrunk away from them he couldn't escape. Panic took over and the room danced a disturbing dance, things weaved and fluttered, his chest seemed to constrict, crushing any chance of expansion. He finally felt relief when his mind sent him stumbling in to the painless darkness again.

"What the hell is going on?" Gibbs ordered as the doctors rushed around a now limp Tony. It had all happened so fast and Gibbs hadn't had a clue what he was supposed to have done.

"Sir, you need to leave. Now." A tall doctor yelled over the still beeping alarms.

"Like hell I do, not until I get some answers." He glared but was still pushed out of the room and left to just watch through the window as the doctors placed his agent on the bed, and re-attached the wires that had been ripped out due to Tony's scared movements.

Gibbs, solely watching his agent, didn't notice straight away when the doctors came out.

"Agent Gibb?" The doctor looked concerned, going by what the nurses had said then even the older agent had suffered shock, and they'd hoped he would stay with his agent so they could keep an eye on him to.

Gibbs startled a little but hid it as quickly as it started and looked at the Doctor with a questioning glare.

"Agent Gibbs, your agent is now resting quietly," Gibbs took a brief look to make sure, then continued to listen, "I would however, recommend him talking to the hospital's psychologist from the episode I have just witnessed."

"What was it that we just witnessed exactly?" Gibbs replied bitterly, knowing that he wouldn't want to be the one to tell Tony that he needed to talk to someone. They'd barely gotten him to tell _them_ even little bits. If anyone was going to do it then he would, _not_ some stranger.

The doctor's confidence faltered under Gibbs' stare and backed away a little. Breathing deeply, the doctor seemed to gain his confidence back and stood strong; he'd dealt with people like Gibbs before. They wanted straight answers so he would give him it as it stood.

"Well, from the reactions around people and from his somewhat angered or oppositely distant state I've been told about from the nurses I believe that he is suffering from Post Traumatic…" The doctor never got to finish what he was saying.

"Like hell he is, you don't know him at all. In fact, once he is out of here I'm sure he will be fine." Gibbs' tone didn't waver once as he stood proudly defending his agent. He just hoped that he was right. All Tony need was to be out of the hospital, _right?_

The doctor blinked in shock at the agent telling him about _his_patient but stayed quiet. It was no use talking calmly to those that thought they knew best. He knew that a patient's family was usually involved and a major part of the recovery process but this Agent Gibbs wasn't even family and he honestly couldn't see how the harsh man would help in the slightest.

Gibbs simply walked away, a scowl plastered on his face.

x-X-x

A few hours later…

Gibbs had been waiting by Tony's bedside, simply sitting guard. Needing to know that his agent was going to be okay. Abby had been back and had apologised, Gibbs had told her not to worry too much about it but knew that she'd blame her self for what happened until she could talk to Tony herself. Gibbs had also sent her home along with the rest of the team; they'd been working on the case all day trying to find anyone else who was involved.

They had nothing so far, even with the names Tony had given them. It seemed that these people had just dropped off the face of the planet. They would do better to rest then to drive themselves into a mistake or jumped to the wrong conclusion.

Gibbs knew that he would have to tell Tony as some point what his father had said about the whole situation, even if it did set Tony's back a little knowing that his own father had orchestrated it. He'd be damned if his agent got set back by anything he could avoid doing.

Gibbs sighed, not for the first time he found him self caught by surprise when he noticed that his agent has woken up and he hadn't heard anything.

But again he found himself faced with an unusually quiet and seemingly unaware Anthony DiNozzo.

"What are you looking for?" Gibbs asked his agent gently as he caught him looking towards the door for what seemed like the hundredth time since Tony had first woken up in the hospital.

"Nothing." But the response lacked emotion and Tony's gaze had never faltered, not even a fraction as he'd spoke.

"Tony." Gibbs warned, knowing that he was pushing his agent but he needed something to work with, no more lies, or cover ups. It wasn't helping and he knew that Tony knew that as well. If everything was out in the open then Tony could heal at least a little. _Right?_

The response to Gibbs' pushing was for Tony to turn away from Gibbs; though, if Gibbs could see he was sure that Tony was still searching the door way for something unknown.

"They said that she'd come back if I listened to what they wanted, said to watch the door and she'd come."

Finally, Gibbs thought when he'd heard the words but…

…they were all wrong.

Practiced, as if from a script. Lifeless. Empty

And yet the words confused him more. Wasn't Tony kept in the same room to watch as his mom's body withered into something that would haunt his nightmares? Hadn't that been the point? Was there more that Tony wasn't telling them? Even if the case so far and given him the impression that the time of Tony's capture was somewhat long but without the original file to hand and Tony not being able to remember he didn't know what to do with this information.

However before he had decided on a question he realised that Tony hadn't actually stopped talking.

"I heard them talking, saying that they would keep her there so that I would always remember, so that I wouldn't say anything to anyone or they'd do the same to them. I couldn't…"

By this point Tony voice had taken on a distant and detached tone.

"They promised as well you know. Promised that when they took her away and I did what I was told that she'd come." This hurt Gibbs more, it wasn't even childishly disappointed or hopeful as if remembering something small bit of hope through out the whole ordeal. There was nothing, no hidden emotion behind those green eyes.

Maybe the doctor was right; maybe he couldn't help his agent. The doctor hadn't said it but Gibbs knew that he'd thought it.

Before he could stop himself though he dug the knife in deeper, trying to get a normal reaction from the man sat before him.

"But you knew that she couldn't, not after what you had seen."

"It didn't matter." Gibbs for a second believed that he was getting through when Tony responded to him but the second was fleeting and sped away with the recognition in his Agent's eyes.

"I did everything they told me to do. All of it. And they said. They promised. I heard them right. They said they'd bring her back. Told me to watch and wait. I watched. Never gave up watching. Not even after. I thought they were telling the truth. But,….but they weren't. They lied. She never did. Never."

And Gibbs now wished that he'd never pushed because it was tearing his soul apart to hear the very distant and cold way Tony was talking; telling him everything, all of it. Nothing seemed to stop the torrent now it had started so Gibbs grabbed his agent by the arms, trying hard to ignore the tension in his Agent's muscles and looked directly into Tony's glazed eyes.

"Tony, stop. Please." He felt like a real bastard for starting this. He willed his agent to stop, it was okay, and he didn't need to tell him anymore. Gibbs didn't want his answers like this.

"But… but it was my fault, I shouldn't have been looking in his office. If I hadn't it wouldn't have happened. If I hadn't seen what he did. If I had just listened to him, she wouldn't be dead."

Gibbs wondered if this had anything to do with what he thought Tony's father was hiding but he couldn't find it in him self to ask _that_ question, not while Tony was in this state of mind. He would however ask one that had been bothering him since Tony had started to talk.

"Why did you believe them?"

Tony's flood of words stopped, like his mind has finally shut off. But when Tony turned, the look Gibbs got was of bitter anguish.

"I _had_ nothing else to believe in."

TBC

_Sorry about the wait, I hope you all like this and please review. _


	17. Who's to Blame? What's the Truth?

_Well, I know that its been a couple of weeks so sorry for the delay; first was results day eeek but I got the grades to get into university so I can start studying Nursing woop, then I went on holiday then before I knew it I started uni and its awesome...we have been given soo much information in first three weeks…but alas, back to writing...enjoy._

**Chapter 17- Who's to Blame? What's the Truth?**

"_I had nothing else to believe in." _

Looking at his Agent now, Gibbs wasn't sure what to say to get rid of the tormented look in the younger man's eyes. He doubted he could if he was honest, so didn't even try. All that mattered now was where they went from here.

Gibbs sat back in the hard plastic chair sighing, and scrubbed his hand down his face, not knowing quite what to do next.

Both men needed answers, one held some but didn't want to tell through what looked like fear. The other, had less but needed just one thing. He needed to know that Tony didn't blame himself; if he did he feared that this wouldn't be able to be put back in the box it had been ripped from. Not this time.

"It wasn't your fault you know." His voice was soft yet firm and he willed the tone to get through to his Agent.

For a split, heart lightening second, he thought it had.

Then the only look the green eyes were giving him was one of a deep weariness, one far beyond the younger man's years.

"My mother wasn't the only one you know." The tone was a perfect carbon copy of Gibbs', mimicking without a thought, and that, in its self, told Gibbs all he needed to know.

Tony really did blame himself. But the why was unknown.

"What do you mean, Tony?" Gibbs had been trying to get Tony's attention as he had decided to look down to his lap and had started twisting the blanket covering his legs.

Gibbs had been safe this far, nothing but a concussion, was it really safe for him to tell him something?

Gibbs saw the conflict in his Agent and placed his hand calmly on a fidgeting arm. He knew that his Agent was wound up to the point of snapping and could only hope that is wouldn't come to that because he didn't have a clue of where to go if that happened or exactly what would happen if it did.

"What is it, Tony?"

Tony bit his lip and tried not to sound as young and childish as he felt.

"You have my back, right?" The fact that Tony had asked, told him that Tony was asking him not to leave or to judge or to abandon like others before him had. Tony needed to know that Gibbs would be there.

"Always." Was Gibbs' only possible answer.

Tony struggled for another moment and then spoke calmly, as if he hadn't just been scared or nervous. The one thing that Gibbs did notice however, was the way Tony's eyes refused to stay in one place, as if expecting something to change drastically.

"I told a teacher a few weeks after it happened," Tony paused and focused on not reliving the memory while he was talking about it, he was stronger than that now, "the week after I told her, she ended up dead."

He couldn't say that he was shocked by the answer though, not after speaking to the elder DiNozzo and he wondered whether Senior had gotten rid of the teacher like he'd tried to get rid of his own son. While Gibbs could understand why that might have seemed like Tony's fault, he had only been a child and had nobody to tell him any different. But he couldn't understand the sheer look of sorrow on his Agent's face, even if he did try to hide it.

"How?"

"Drug overdose apparently." Tony responded just as evenly as Gibbs had asked.

"You don't believe it?" All Gibbs got in response to that was one of his own glares as if you say 'ya think', oddly it brought a small smile to both their faces, and the atmosphere seemed to relax a little.

"Any leads on who did it." Gibbs had to ask, even if he suspected Tony's father.

"Not even one, I looked into it when I joined the police force. There was no evidence of anything other than an empty bottle of pills."

"You sure it was foul play?" Gibbs felt harsh doubting his Agent the way he was, but seen as Tony seemed more professional than he had in a while, he went with the line of questioning.

Tony wasn't sure himself now Gibbs had asked the question but it couldn't have just been a coincidence...Couldn't it. But then Gibbs didn't believe in them.

"Yes boss." Tony answered more confidently then he felt. What was Gibbs trying to get at anyway he wondered so added a little more. "A pretty big coincidence if it wasn't."

Gibbs nodded in agreement. Though, Tony's emotions seemed changeable every minute or two, sometimes he'd look and sound normal and others he'd look guilty and scared. He wasn't sure of his actions even after the small conversation they had had now and wanted nothing more than to be able to steer the conversation away from what they were getting into. His prayers however, went unanswered when Tony spoke up again. Gibbs only had himself to blame if he was honest.

It was then that Tony realised Gibbs seemed to be holding back on something.

"Boss? What's going on? Do you have someone as a suspect?"

After another minute of silence, Tony decided to assume that there was one.

"Who?"

Gibbs, unusually silent, fought his heart, telling him that this wasn't the right time and went with his brain and needing to get somewhere with the case.

"Your father."

Tony's stunned silence surprised Gibbs if he was honest, he was expecting something else. Defiantly not surprise, shock, and anger directed solely at him.

If anything he expected Tony to agree with him and even the short conversation that had just had should have caused some suspicions within his agent, well he thought it should anyway. Maybe, Tony just wasn't ready to accept the truth yet.

"Get out."

The frozen tone was also, unexpected.

"You said it yourself that it wasn't a coincidence, can you honestly tell me all that and _not_ see it?" The outrage in Gibbs' voice didn't even reach Tony.

Tony was trying to piece together why he felt, all of a sudden, defensive. His father was a lot of things, but a killer, he had no proof.

"Out, now."

For a moment Gibbs refused to move and decided, in stead, to try a different approach. He thought that he could see acceptance in his agent and pushed with what he was thinking.

"If it were anyone else, what would you say?"

Tony glared in response and both men could feel the tension building in the room, its outcome was based on the answer Tony would give.

"I would at least have evidence." The words were cold at best, glacial at worst.

Gibbs hated what he was about to do but saw no other way.

"How about a written statement." Gibbs' words were lined with light disappointment and anger. Anger at his agent's situation. Maybe, when things had calmed down Tony would see what was going on.

Tony refused to believe what he was being told, even if, in his heart he knew that the words had some truth to them, that it could have been possible, but the last words he said to Gibbs before he left the room were childishly stubborn.

"I don't believe you."

And Gibbs left the room, not looking back even once.

x-X-x

Tony was deep in thought when the door to his room next opened.

"Good morning, Tony." Natalie, one of his nurse's, greeted him as she entered the next morning.

Abby had come by after his and Gibbs' conversation the previous day, she seemed rather less bubbly than usual but Tony let it go as he didn't really feel up to talking to her about it.

Remembering his usual ways he smiled warmly at the young nurse as she did her observations.

Natalie frowned slightly at the over bright sheen to the smile, she'd gotten used to Tony over the couple of days he'd been in and she could tell that something was bothering him. While in the middle of taking Tony's blood pressure she spoke up.

"Everything okay?" She tried not to sound as if she was being too nosey.

"Huh…uh…yeah fine." Tony answered absentmindedly, trying to look anywhere other than at the compassionate nurse caring for him.

A warm hand on his arm forced him to look up and he smiled genuinely at her, she was telling him that if he wanted to say anything, anytime, then he could.

"So, everything normal?" Tony asked, wondering whether he could go home soon and changing the subject at the same time. Sitting in a hospital room wasn't his type of fun; it led to far too much thinking on his part. Well according to the last time he'd seen Gibbs too little, not that Gibbs had said it straight out.

"Normal as it can be under the circumstances, remember you are still healing and we've yet to get you walking around without assistance or you getting exhausted. We may try that a little later today after lunch if you're up to it." She smiled at his look of fake disgust as she continued with what she was saying. As if _he_ would want to leave before he should. "You're best off asking the doctor about being released, though I doubt it would be yet."

They were both smiling as she left the room. Natalie because Tony seemed a lot more responsive today; and Tony because she had genuinely cheered him up and things seemed to be looking good, health wise anyway.

He wasn't looking forward to the next Gibbs visit. He couldn't believe that he'd think that his own father had been responsible for all of it.

It wasn't possible, _right?_

Though no matter his heart and mouth said it wasn't possible, his investigative brain told him otherwise, told him that he knew it was, in fact, possible and that even all the facts were starting to add up.

The room seemed to dim and become smaller under the weight of the conclusion that his mind had drawn.

Was Gibbs right, he'd said he had a written statement as well. So why hadn't he believed Gibbs yesterday.

However he knew why, protection. If he refused to believe it then he'd be saved from the reality where his own father had caused everything that had happened. While there was no proof then he didn't have to believe it…

x-X-x

"I would have to advise against it, Jethro."

"But he needs to know, Duck." Both men sighed and the sound was carried off into the bleakness of the autopsy room.

"He's still healing, now is not the right time. You, yourself, told me of his reaction the last time you spoke"

"There won't ever be a right time for what needs to be done." Ducky became thoughtful at the statement and no matter how he thought, he knew Jethro was right. Gibbs looked for his friend's acceptance and then continued, "And we need answers, it would be better in the long term if the case was solved sooner rather than later."

Ducky nodded, and wondered just when his friend had started to channel him; though he left it down to the paternal feelings he knew were been brought out by the situation Tony had found himself in over the past couple of weeks.

_TBC _

_I know that its not as long as these chapters usually are but I wanted to give you all something to read, sorry for making you wait. What is going on with Tony though? What happened to that slither of a memory a few chapters ago if that wasn't proof of what his father could do? Well all shall be revealed soon hopefully...Enjoy and please review…while I return to practicing drug calculations and other things…_


	18. Was It You?

_Oh dear, I know its been awhile for this story…getting back into writing this one has been awkward…anyway please enjoy this chapter, its one that some people may have been waiting to see, not sure its turned out okay.. but I'm not going to ruin the surprise read! hehe…unfortunately I think this story is going to start getting rounded up now and should finish around chapter 20, unless you all feel that there is more that needs rounding up when I'm finished with these last three chapters…thanks all for reading so far and waiting so long for chapters in some cases. _

**Chapter 18- Was it you?**

_Why?_

Was the only word floating around Tony's confused mind, floating ever so lightly in the harsh wind that would precede the storm that was to come. A storm that could, quite possibly, leave everyone worn out, destroyed shells of vessels upon an uncertain horizon of darkness where there was no longer a destination in sight.

_Betrayal. _

Thicken the air and made it hard to breathe the tainted oxygen. It gripped and wove its way into the deepest and most protected pieces of his soul and proceeded to discard the newly inhabited soul when it was finish with it; just like the person. Discarded, disowned and left to wither in a dark lonely room where there was no longer any light left to even speckle like a star in a mid-night black sky.

The screams, both old and new, still haunted the man staring blankly back at him in the mirror. It had been two days since he'd signed himself out of the hospital and about two more since he'd told Gibbs to get out of his hospital room.

He would have laughed at Gibbs actually listening to him; had the muscles that made that function possible not forgotten how to function. Looking back into the unfamiliar mirror…not even a twitch or slight inkling of a smile appeared.

He was damned if he knew why he was here, or even, where here was. He'd just picked a direction and started to drive. Not that he was strictly allowed to drive yet.

When he hadn't known anything but what he'd seen it was so much easier, at least then it didn't involve the person that was suppose to protect him trying to have him killed. It was that simple.

Now, there were just lies wrapped in more lies, intermingled with blame, and entangled with guilt.

Now, he didn't know where he belonged.

Once, he'd known very well where he didn't and somewhere where it was in progress. But now what did he have? Simply put, he had nothing and nowhere to go. Couldn't go to work, he'd probably been fired for the stunt of leaving the hospital. Couldn't go to the home he'd become used to…..Damn it!

Anger flashed through his veins at the injustice of it all. Why the hell was he the one running yet again? Running wouldn't get him answers and that's all he wanted.

And he knew exactly where to get them. Taking a quick look again in the mirror, Tony gathered all the new found courage and anger he didn't think he had left, turned around and headed out.

He'd had enough of the lies…

x-X-x

Gibbs was seething; it had been two days since his Agent had signed himself out of the hospital. Of all the idiotic things Tony could have done; he was protected at the hospital, even though Tony had pretty much told him to get lost it didn't mean that Gibbs didn't have guards there to make sure nothing could happen to the younger man.

And there Tony was just walking out on the help he'd been trying to give from afar.

If it wasn't for the situation at hand Gibbs might have been angry at Tony, but Tony wasn't having the best time at the moment so Gibb couldn't find it within him to be angry at him. All Gibbs wanted at the moment was to make sure that Tony was safe.

"Gibbs, we tracked him down." Kate called from her desk. It had been a slow process tying to find Tony, being the great undercover agent they knew he was, but they had finally do it.

Gibbs immediately stood up and started getting his gear together. "Where?"

After hearing her response, Gibbs moved faster, a concerned look upon his face and glared at the other two to remain where they were before they even started to move our of their seats.

"Where's he going, Kate." A confused looking McGee asked as soon as Gibbs was out of the bullpen.

"To get Tony." Was her simple answer.

"Do you think he'll be okay?" McGee had been worried about Tony ever since this whole thing had started. Tony, while annoying, was teaching him how to become a competent field agent.

"Who? Tony? I hope so." Kate sighed.

With that lingering in the air they both got back to work and hoped to find the other people who were involved in all this, and that Gibbs could get Tony back as well.

x-X-x

"Was it you?" When Tony had finally found his father, not that it had been hard, he'd thought he should just get straight to the point, there was no point in greeting the man kindly anyway, it wasn't as if he was going to get a response to it. He never had.

"I believe you are forgetting your manners, Anthony." His father's eyes were gleaming with an evil satisfaction, Tony was being played with, and he knew it. Feeling brave he forwent the usual, learned response.

"You know _dad,_ I don't believe I am. Was it you?"

Oh he knew he was breaking all his father's rules but he needed answers this time, he hoped that he'd be able to lure his father into saying something because of his temper. It worked on suspects, so why not give it a shot, right?

The tension in the cell in front of Tony seemed to build up and snap all at once as his father's hands shot out between the bars in effort to grab him.

Tony smiled, it was just too damn bad that Tony thought he'd do that and had stepping far enough away to be out of reach. Though that didn't stop him shaking like a leaf on the inside.

"I have no idea what you are talking about you good for nothing piece of crap."

So that's how he wanted to play it then, Tony thought, pretend to know nothing about it and turn to his favourite pasted time; insulting Tony. Tony took a few deep breaths before speaking again, it was the hardest question he had ever had to ask, that wasn't help by the fact that the man standing in front of him in a rage was his own father.

Watching intently for the response, Tony asked his question.

"Did you have mom killed?"

At first there was silence and no emotion upon either man's face.

Then his father started to laugh outright.

"Jesus, Anthony. I knew you were stupid but you've even out done your self this time." His father spoke between bursts of laughter. "I don't understand why that Agent Gibbs even wants you on his team."

This struck a nerve with Tony and his fists clenched at his sides, his knuckles turning white from the effort. It was a question he'd been asking himself a lot recently, I mean, all he seemed to do at the moment was find himself in trouble and Gibbs having to stop what he was doing with the investigation and help him.

To top it off, Tony wasn't feeling so good. Anytime he stood for too long he felt dizzy, and getting here in the first place had pushed him to his limit for the day even with his new found adrenalin. He also, didn't notice that he was drifting closer to his father's cell. Things went fuzzy for a moment before he blinked to remove the haze. This needed to end and soon.

"It wasn't your mother I planned to kill, no, that was your fault and yours alone."

"Liar."

It was all Tony could think of to say in response to what he'd always been told. Gibbs had told him it wasn't, that is was the person who had cut her throat but…but, years of being told the same thing made you believe that it was true.

That was when Tony realised what his father had said first.

"Who was it you planned to kill?"

Tony's mind spun, he was finally going to get an answer, his investigative mind was telling him he was missing something but he couldn't quite pinpoint what it was.

Then it clicked.

The only other person that had been kidnapped had been him.

"Why?" Tony was brought back to the question he had started with that morning. Beyond being able to control his emotions anymore the question was small and stuttering, just like when he'd asked the men who had killed his mother.

"Because you weren't suppose to be being nosing around the house when you know you shouldn't have been!"

Well, that answered that question.

So what now?

The deepest part of him still wanted to think that the man in front of him was lying, he couldn't for the life of him figure out why he needed to hear the words, but he did, he needed this man, his father to admit it. To say the words that would bring Tony his answers.

However, before Tony got around to answering his burning question, he hadn't realised that he'd moved close enough for his father to be able to reach him.

x-X-x

Gibbs entered the room quietly with apprehension after hearing the raised voices and stayed in the shadows before looking around; this was something that Tony needed to do for himself. But that didn't stop him being their just in case something were to happen. Tony's father may be locked in a prison cell but Gibbs still had a bad feeling about Tony coming here. A loud bang switched his attention back towards the direction of his Agent.

Upon looking at the scene before him, he immediately moved out of the shadows and into view, his weapon raised.

"Let him go." He ordered forcefully, seeing that Tony was struggling to breathe, eye looking for some way out.

DiNozzo Senior had his son by the throat and pinned against the bars of his cell, how it had happened was a mystery but one that Gibbs would find out.

Before Gibbs had the time to think of his next action, Tony's father whispered something directly into Tony's ear.

What ever he had said caused Tony's eyes to widen even more.

However it was the emotion in the younger man's eyes that had him terrified. He had never once had so much trouble pinpointing the exact emotion behind those green eyes.

Until now.

A moment later, the Senior DiNozzo proceeded to shove his only son towards the wall and let the younger man fall to the floor without even an inkling of guilt, turn away, his back to his son and sat down as if nothing had ever happened.

Shaking out of his shocked state at the scene he had just seen, Gibbs rushed over to Tony, hoping beyond anything that he hadn't just been a witness to something that DiNozzo Senior had wanted done years ago.

TBC

_I know this is yet again a cruel place, but we have some answers… review!_


	19. Alone In A Clear Night

_Thought I'd get this up as soon as possible considering the cliff-hanger and the fact that this Story is close to the end now, I absolutely hate ending stories but it has to be done at some point...right. Answers will be revealed in these last two chapters...I hope you all enjoy it and please don't forget to review!_

**Chapter 19 **

Kate was disturbed out of her thoughts when her name was called.

Ever since she had looked at the cold case file that she'd been given by her team mate she hadn't been able to keep a certain part of it out of her mind.

It woke her up in the early hours of the morning, when it was still dark outside and when the silence was claustrophobic enough to push her into moving, to doing something. The images lingered like shadows that followed you down a dark alley after a night out. If her mind was static for too long, images would invade the calm that she sought in the loneliness of the grim night.

A blissful calm that she wished to come; not for her, but for the member of her team it concerned.

The witness statement flashed through her mind again; the words bleeding through, over the top of the images.

Words that held fear, pain, and an intense longing for none of it to have been real.

The attending officers hadn't been able to get much out of a young Tony bar a few words at first.

_They promised she'd come back. _

She could feel the longing in them, so intense it burned its self through her body, imprinting her bones with its agony.

The officers at the time having been confused at them as the boy had been found wandering through the darkest parts of the city, the actual details of the finding unclear and incomplete with only Tony knowing the answer. Only to understand later when they'd found the body of the boy's mother.

After a bit of prompting the boy had given a basic account of what had happened in details too horrific to have come out of a ten year old boy.

The boy's father had been contacted and nothing more had been heard about the boy.

But finding out all this hadn't been the worst part. No, the worst part was that they'd been so evil as to hurt a child. When the child had been found the doctors had found multiple injuries, most shallow as to not leave scars but deep enough that it would have hurt, hurt enough to make a grown man cry, never mind a child.

There were two words that every investigator of crime, police officer and special agent dreaded to hear put together in the same sentence. It was too wrong on too many levels to count. Nothing could be gained from it.

Nothing but pleasure.

It made Kate feel sick with the thought that the people who had held her partner all them years ago had taken pleasure in torturing a mere child. Simply because the own child's father thought the child had needed silencing.

Again a voice broke through, this time it was heard and Kate turned towards the voice questioningly.

"Kate, I think I've found something."

"Well, what is it?" She responded a little impatiently when McGee hadn't continued to talk.

"The list of names Tony gave us, the suspects, I've found some of them."

x-X-x

The man's words had forced him to a place he hadn't visited for a long time.

The senses flooded back, almost over loading his mind.

An icy darkness encompassed his extremities, leeching them of any heat they had held when he'd been running, for it was too late in the year to be wandering around with only smart trousers and a tattered shirt streaked with what you knew to be yours and your mother's blood.

His breaths like mini clouds of fog, coming out erratically as the ten year old tried to find something familiar in his changed world. A world where every distant screech of whatever was driving sounded like a scream, to which he hid or crouched down every time.

A world where only pain, misery and guilt existed.

No hope, no happiness, no life that had once been known to be good.

Where there were no rats scurrying around for scraps of food between piles of rubbish, almost as if he was bad enough to run from or stay clear off, as if he was a bad omen.

Everything seemed protected by a bubble of silence, that, or he was the one in the bubble from the outside world.

He seemed to just exist, not making a mark on anything.

And he would have felt completely alone, but for the eyes that he thought he could feel watching his every move.

And how the wind would seem to howl with laughter each time the child fell to the ground with exhaustion.

Even before wandering outside of where he'd been held, he'd known that James had been taking instructions from someone.

And that someone enjoyed watching his agony.

Yet feeling that someone was watching still made him feel utterly alone.

The small child wandered aimlessly through the dark, unfamiliar streets, shivering in the bitter air of a clear night.

For a moment, he himself watched from a distance as the boy struggled upwards and onwards each time he would fall.

This had been the place where the resilient part of his personality had been born.

And where, at ten years old, he'd learnt to rely on only himself.

It all made sense now, but didn't at the same time.

The words of his father still lingering in his mind; tearing down blockages to the past.

Creating a deeper, more soul destroying pain, the kind that insidiously lingered as if it were an unknown virus was spreading through every system in the body. It had the power to shut the body down if you let it take hold; if you gave up, but Tony was a fighter, he could survive. _Right?_

_I was watching everything._

The crux of it though, was that deep, deep down, he'd known it couldn't have been coincidence, that he _had_ partly believed it had been his own father.

Gibbs had been right, about everything.

Tony had acted like an insubordinate child and deserved to be punished.

So the first thing to come out of his mouth when he was able to focus on Gibbs again was him giving Gibbs an easy out, a chance to leave him before anymore of the team got hurt.

"Why did you come?"

He then turned his head, not wanting to see Gibbs walking away.

Not wanting to see the disappointment.

Even if he did deserve it, it didn't mean it wouldn't strip away more of his fractured soul.

He heard his father's light laughter in the background and remembered other words that had been spoken to him.

_Once they find out the truth, they will leave you and you deserve no less for what you have done to me!_

And he believed him when silence took over and footsteps seemed to walk away from him.

Each step away crushing any hope he'd previously gained in humanity.

His focus on the hopeless world around him, dimming as that lonely exhaustion took over again.

Pushing through his hazed look upon the world was a struggle; his aching body moved slowly, his limbs heavy as his dragged himself up with the help of the wall.

He needed to get out of this room...a room where everything he had come to know had been taken away in a heartbeat.

Thinking that Gibbs had left, Tony hobbled away, not actually seeing that Gibbs was still there staring at his Agent with an unreadable look upon his face.

x-X-x

"_Why did you come?"_

Gibbs had expected a reaction similar to that, but he hadn't expected the hopeless conviction it had been spoken with. And then Tony had looked away from him, not that it was a new thing, or even that they had spoken to each other much recently but Gibbs had hope that by showing up that he'd shown that he wasn't leaving Tony no matter what would happen.

Just what the hell had Tony's father said to him?

His blood boiling, Gibbs, having taken the keys to the cell, open the door, walked threateningly towards a smirking DiNozzo Senior.

Senior merely looked disinterested, knowing that Gibbs wouldn't have the nerve to do anything.

Which is why, when Senior nose cracked under his fist, Gibbs smiled, then grabbed Tony's father and whispered in his ear, returning the fear he had seemed to given his son.

"Though I doubt your lawyers can possibly get you out of here, if it does happen and you touch him again there will be no place you can hide that I won't find."

Then, turning around, walked out of the cell, slammed it, making the noise ricochet around the room and locked it up again.

Only for his heart to tighten at the scene he turned back to. Tony was trying and struggling to get himself up, using the wall for support, exhausted by the simple act of being upright started to sway. Gibbs was there in a flash, catching his Agent before Tony fell and before either of them could think about the reaction to it all.

"Why are you here, Gibbs?"

But Gibbs was ready with an answer this time, even if Tony wouldn't believe it or feel he deserved it.

"I'll always have your back." As if it was that simple.

Oh, how they both believed it could be that simple.

Tony didn't answer but didn't have the energy to fight someone who seemed to be helping him and allowed Gibbs to take him away from his father and back to Gibbs' car.

Gibbs would probably fire him later, after all, he had let people get hurt, even killed and Gibbs couldn't have someone like that on his team.

_TBC_

_I know its a short chapter, but we're getting somewhere now. Hope you all like it, i should have the next one out soon when i've got my essay in order anyway enjoy reading...i'm off for a shift in the hospital._


	20. Absolute Cruelty

_W__ell, it would seem like we're near the end of this tale now, not that i want it to be over but i have to finish somewhere, right? This was meant to be the last one but i have decided to split it and so that i can show that i am still working on it, the rest of the ending doesn't want to co-operate but i have this for all you lovely readers. Thanks for all the reviews and such since the beginning of this._

_Warning for scenes of nice Gibbs and a few naughty words but none more than you would hear on the show..._

**Chapter 20****- Answers **

The younger Agent beside him looked as if he was being driven to his death. His hands were fidgeting nervously, his eyes looking anywhere but at the man in the driver's seat.

"What did he say?" Gibbs got to the point; they were both too exhausted from the whole thing to play around now.

"Nothing." Though it seemed that Tony still wasn't very forthcoming, the silent _'it doesn't matter'_ was heard by Gibbs though.

"It matters to me, Tony."

Tony wondered how Gibbs could read him so well but he couldn't fight the feeling that Gibbs just wanted his answers and then would be done with him. That he'd just tell him to leave and not come back.

"Why, if you're only going to fire me anyway?"

To say that Gibbs was surprised at the question would be a huge understatement; shocked would be the more likely answer. Immediately, Gibbs pulled over at the side of the road somewhere safe. This conversation needed to be had now, without the distraction of driving.

A tense silence encompassed the car as Gibbs decided how best to approach the question.

Even when Gibbs asked Tony to look at him he wouldn't.

"What makes you think that, Tony?" He asked even if he thought he knew the answer, if that was one thing he'd learnt recently, it was that Tony's thoughts didn't always find their formation the right way, rather a distorted view based on what his own father had made him believe. He wanted to turn back around and punch the man again but he knew that Tony was more important right now.

"If I couldn't even figure out that my own father had wanted me killed, how could I deserve a place on your team? He had to outright say it and it still took me a moment to understand what he'd said." Again the silent words speaking the most.

'_I'm not smart enough to be on your team.' _

Gibbs wasn't sure he could say anything to his Agent when he knew Tony believed that statement with all of his beating heart. What he said next could make or break his Agent.

Lifting Tony's chin up so he could look into the younger man's eyes, Tony tried to look away but Gibbs held firm.

"Tony, you are not stupid, I wouldn't have anyone else on my team more than you, and I trust you to always have my back." Gibbs paused and took a breath before saying what he hadn't said before. "You are the son I have always wanted but never had a chance to get."

There, he had said it; he had meant it with all his heart, now it was down to Tony what happened next.

The shift from dread to hope was slight and wavering but there none the less, Gibbs knew he had done the right thing by telling him when he felt his boy's body relax beneath his other hand which he had placed on Tony's shoulder. He knew it wouldn't be as simple as that, not by a long shot but at least maybe now Tony believed he wouldn't be fired.

Tony himself was shocked and reserved about what had just been said, he knew that Gibbs meant everything that he said, and never said anything he didn't mean but that didn't stop him from having doubts. He might make a mistake by doing something wrong or messing up so bad that Gibbs would want to retract what he had just said. After all the secrets of the past couple of days...weeks...however long it had been but yet Gibbs had still been there and was here now, still standing beside him wanting to help. That Gibbs still cared, even after getting hurt, meant more to Tony than Gibbs would ever know. So the least he could do was answer Gibbs' questions as much as he could.

"He said he was watching everything." Tony eyes were on the ground now that Gibbs had released his grip of his jaw, not wanting Gibbs to see the pain that lingered there still.

"Watched them kill her, watched them hurt me, watched them when they left me there and watched me wandering around aimlessly not knowing which way home was. Everything."

Gibbs was shocked at the level of cruelty and realised that Senior DiNozzo had possibly lied to him even more than he thought he had. Not that it mattered, the evidence they had was enough to put him away for the rest of his life anyway.

"They were meant to kill me." Tony finished hopelessly.

And that Gibbs knew, but then why would the elder DiNozzo still be working with the same people if he had cared for his wife anyway and they had then killed her, surely he would have cut off all contact for killing the person he loved.

Unless, he had wanted them both dead but told his own son that it had been all his fault and that his mother wasn't meant to die, that he'd said all those things to add to a young Tony's torture, purely because he could.

_Oh hell._

Just when he'd thought things couldn't possibly get worse. Tony was staring at Gibbs with a new kind of horror since this whole thing had started, Gibbs' silence and Tony's own words must have linked together in his muddled mind and found the same conclusion.

"Why would he..." Tony's words got lost when his throat closed up with a mix of emotions.

He couldn't even think, never mind talk right now.

It didn't even make sense...except, considering everything he had learned recently, deep down, it did. Even if he didn't want to believe it. It all made perfect sense except for the reason why, and he knew he would never get that reason out of his lying bastard of a father.

Though, a part of him still wanted to believe that nobody could do that to their own child. That even _his_ father wasn't that cruel.

Thoughts and images ticked over in Tony's mind trying to pull himself together into some semblance of normal.

"Tony, you need to stop hiding." Gibbs had sensed that Tony was starting to falter with the new found information about his father.

"I don't know how to be any other way." Tony knew he sounded pathetic but it was the truth.

"Then let me help." Tony tried to keep the distrustful look from his face; nobody had wanted to help before, not like Gibbs did anyway.

"What do you want to know?" Tony voice was soft and calm, well maybe not completely but as good as could be considering he'd almost been strangled by his father. A sudden panicked look struck the younger man. "Wait, what if they find out and come and hurt you and the team?"

Damn it! Gibbs cursed and not for the first time, this had been what was stopping his Agent from answering. Didn't he know they he didn't have take responsibility for them all the time? They could defend themselves.

Gibbs grabbed Tony by the shoulders gently; Tony tensed a little but relaxed because he knew Gibbs wouldn't hurt him.

"Tony, we are close to getting them all, the team will be and are safe, they have you protecting them."

It was Gibbs' effort in making sure that Tony still felt useful and had still been useful even though it might have seemed like to him, that he had abandoned them by leaving the way he did.

"Come on, we'll finish this up later."

_TBC_

_Seemed like a good place for a break, thanks for reading and sticking with this story for so long._


	21. Fight Through Until You're Safe

_S__orry for the awfully long wait but here is the last chapter of this story. Hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it well i didn't enjoy writing some of this__**, i'll warn you now that the scene coming up isn't for the light hearted and there will be a little swearing.**_

**Chapter 21**

The remaining length of the journey to headquarters was silent and uneventful. Usually it unsettled Gibbs when it was this silent, especially with Tony in the car. Usually Tony was always in motion, even if it was just his fingers tapping on his leg or the dashboard. However, this time, he knew that the silence was merely because Tony was too physically, mentally and emotionally drained to do anything but think of what was to come now.

They were at a cross-road of sorts, Gibbs had shown that he cared about his Agent and Tony was finally warming up to that fact. The fact that Gibbs had always been there, even when Tony thought he should. And that little piece of knowledge was still a shock to the younger man. The ball, so to speak, was in his court, he knew that Gibbs didn't plan on firing him any time soon but he didn't know if he himself could face going back to everyone. Recently, he'd only seen and spoken to Gibbs, what if the rest of them hated him for putting them all in danger and getting Gibbs hurt and walking out on him and...

"They've been asking about you, you know." Gibbs had sensed that something was building up within his Agent and his gut had told him it may have to do with where they were heading. He couldn't say he was surprised by the look he caught coming from his Agent from the corner of his eye, though he hoped disbelieving looks like that would disappear in time.

"But..." The tone was quiet and nervous.

"Tony, at least give it a chance?" It was more a suggestion than an order or even a question but Gibbs knew that Tony would do it anyway; Tony was anything but a quitter. Gibbs smiled a rare proud smile at that little fact, hoping that Tony would see it.

It seemed the younger man had when he relaxed just that little bit more in to the car seat and released a somewhat relieved breath. Maybe, they wouldn't hate him. The next few minutes were spent in silence, scenes flashing past as they drove towards NCIS.

"I-" Tony stopped for a moment, weighing up whether or not this was the best time to tell Gibbs what he was thinking.

"What is it, Tony?" Gibbs encouraged, trying not to sound like he was pushing too hard; and while keeping his eyes on the road.

"I haven't told you everything." There he'd said it. Tony worried what Gibbs' reaction was going to be and looked away and out of the window, trying not to remember what he was talking about.

"I know." Gibbs responded calmly. He knew that the kid was hiding something but hoped it wasn't as bad as the things he'd already been told, he didn't know how much more Tony could handle to share.

"I think it's the reason this all started, the reason that he hates me." Gibbs tried to gauge the mood of his Agent, it seemed like Tony had accepted that it had been his fault.

That would not do, no way in hell was any of this his Agent's fault.

Gibbs stopped the car so suddenly that Tony thought they'd been hit; Gibbs turned towards him and held his gaze for a moment, conveying what he was just about to say with all the conviction in the world.

"There is nothing that you could have possibly done that should have made him hate you. None. Of. This. Was. Your. Fault."

Tony smiled a small genuine smile, the first in a long time and Gibbs was relieved to see it.

"I think I should tell you and the team, but I only want to have to say it once." Tony was guarded when he spoke and nervous but Gibbs understood, there were times where he himself had only wanted to say things once and then forget about them.

"Then let's go." Gibbs stepped out of the car.

Tony was confused for a moment until he realised where they were.

They were back in NCIS headquarters.

Tony caught up to Gibbs in the elevator and swayed a little. Gibbs steadied him and looked at him with concern clear upon his face.

"You sure you up for this, Tony?"

Tony nodded slowly but stood tall, ignoring the bruising, as if it were nothing, that had appeared on his throat in a way that haunted Gibbs.

"I need to do this, Boss." Gibbs nodded in reply.

"You wait in autopsy; I'll get the rest of the team." With that Gibbs got off at the bull-pen level and shot Tony a proud look.

As Tony walked into autopsy his resolve wavered a little, everyone would have questions after what he was about to tell them, not that they wouldn't anyway. He just hoped that they wouldn't be mad for him running out on them. He was disturbed out of his wonderings when Ducky appeared a little too close that he was used to at the moment, he took a quick step back from the elderly doctor.

"Anthony, I am sorry dear boy." Ducky had been surprised to find the younger man when he'd walked through the door and became worried when the younger Agent hadn't reacted to the door even opening but put it down to what the lad had had to put up with recently.

"That's okay, Ducky." Tony smiled at him, at least Ducky didn't seem to be mad at him.

Before anything more could be said Gibbs, followed by the rest of the team who looked quite confused, entered through the door.

Kate and McGee were happy to see their partner and friend but unsure quite how to react. Abby on the other hand practically bounced towards Tony, glee beaming from her every being. She stopped shirt though when he looked uncertainly towards her.

"Tony! It's so good to see you." She itched to hug him but wasn't sure how they would go with the confused look upon his face and remembering the last time she had hugged him.

"Wait, none of you are mad at me?" He looked towards Gibbs who had a smug look on his face saying _'I told you so'._

"No, worried sure, mad, no." Abby answered as if it were the simplest thing in the world. Tony looked around at the look on the face of the rest of the team and saw the same in them that Abby had just shown. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad as he thought it would be.

An awkward silence started and Tony wasn't sure how to start what he was going to tell them.

"There's something that I need to tell you all because..." Tony wasn't sure whether to go on and looked towards Gibbs again, Gibbs nodded and he continued, "It could be used as evidence." There he had said it; he waited with baited breath at their reaction.

"Evidence? Of what? Against who?" Kate asked tentatively, not wanting to force everything out of her friend, she had seen the error of her ways a few days ago.

"Erm, evidence against my Father." Tony was nervous now, maybe he couldn't do this, he really shouldn't have hidden something like this.

To say that they were surprised would have been a massive understatement, that their friend had had evidence against his own father, wasn't sitting right with them. What they had learned so far about Tony's childhood and been horrible enough, now this, they wondered when it would stop. Not for themselves, but for their co-worker and most importantly, friend.

Gibbs could see that Tony was working himself up into a state, stood close to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay. You've been through a lot; you're bound to forget some things." Tony was relieved at the easy out that Gibbs was giving him, even if he didn't feel like he deserved it.

Tony was sat on one of the metal tables but hadn't noticed the rest of the team had done the same, Gibbs and Ducky were either side of Tony. Abby, Kate and McGee were on the opposite one sensing that the story was going to take a while to explain fully.

They were all here for him, were ready to listen, without asking too much from him. Tony relaxed a little and started, though it wasn't going to be easy. Not by a long shot.

_A bored 10 year old Tony was sat in his room; his mom had gone out to do some shopping and wasn't expected back for hours. Tony had already explored the grounds surrounding his big house like a gazillion times, nothing was new anymore. _

_The little boy sighed, his father was home but working in his study, he already been warned not to disturb him when working like a million times but he was curious. And most importantly. Bored! _

_Pretending he was an explorer, exploring unknown lands he crept out of his room, down the large staircase and ran straight into...Alice, one of the maids. _

"_Ah, young Tony, and what are you up to mister." He liked Alice; she always kept him entertained when his parents were away and snuck him some snacks before dinner when she thought they could get away with it._

"_Exploring!" The child shouted excitedly. Alice giggled at him. _

"_Well, you know where not to go and not to be too loud, and try not to get yourself hurt this time." The young boy saluted and was mock serious when he said "Yes ma'am." then continued on his away, a little more quietly this time. _

_The closer he got to his father's study the more curious he became, and then he heard a raised voice. That was odd; he hadn't heard anyone else come in the house and it wasn't his father's voice._

_Frowning, the little boy crept slowly up to the door and found it closed. Putting his ear up to try and hear what was happening he heard a weird noise, it was almost like a popping kind of noise. Then he heard footsteps and he ran to hide, hoping that he wouldn't be caught. _

_Unfortunately for Tony, he wasn't nearly fast enough and his father had seen him. Tony stilled at his father's voice._

"_Anthony! Stay where you are."_

_The boy trembled at the tone; he'd never heard it before, not even when he'd annoyed his father in the past._

"_Turn around." Tony did as was ordered but immediately wished he hadn't; damn the consequences._

_The door to the study was open, a smell of metal filled Tony's senses. _

Tony stopped talking for a moment to collect himself, he tried to push away his fear that his father could hurt all the people in the room they were in right now. But his father was locked up and there was no way that he could get out.

He could feel all eyes were on him and he faltered again, this was too hard. He couldn't...

Then he felt an arm around his shoulders and knew immediately that it was Gibbs. He nodded at Gibbs as a sign of thanks and continued.

_Little Tony's eyes widened at the sight through the door._

_Cold eyes started back at him, dark blood spread across the wooden floor boards._

_Then he realised that his father had been silent for far too long. _

_The ground moved beneath him...oh wait, no, it was him being moved. His father had grabbed him by the collar of his shirt he'd been forced to wear earlier in the day. The cold eyes were getting closer to him rather than further away and he closed his eyes in effort to stop them boring into him._

_His father shook him roughly and shouted in his face._

"_You obviously wanted to see what I was doing, so look!" The man shoved his son to the floor into the blood._

"_I didn't...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." Tony was terrified; he knew it was blood that his hand had landed in._

"_You didn't mean to, you're always nosey around where you shouldn't you little shit."_

"_I'm sorry." Tony stuttered out as he tried to get the blood off his hand frantically._

_Tony's father grabbed him by his shirt front and glared at his son. _

"_You will tell no one, are we clear?" Tony nodded, shocked into silence, he didn't understand any of it. His father wasn't a bad man. _

"_I said are we clear, boy?" Tony flinched at the tone._

"_Y-yes S-sir." _

When it was clear that Tony wasn't going to say anything more, the rest of the team started trying to get their minds around it all. How a parent could do that to his own child was beyond them, and then force that child to stay quiet about it, they could ask how he had done it but they knew that Tony wouldn't answer that particular question.

Everyone, even Gibbs was a little pale after what they had been told. No wonder Tony had tried to forget that. It was horrific. They were almost shocked into silence themselves; Abby had tears running down her cheeks freely for a young Tony, Kate's and Ducky eyes were a little more shiny than usual and McGee looked like a ghost, only being young he didn't think that something like that had happened to one of his friends, even with all the crime he'd seen and heard about.

Nobody had any idea what to say. They knew that saying they were sorry for what their friend had been through wasn't going to help anything and it would only cause him to feel weak and that they pitied him. But what _could_ they say to help him.

Before anyone could think of anything Tony asked them one question.

"Just tell me that everyone that was involved is either dead or already in prison and won't be seeing daylight for a very long time." To everyone in the room, Tony sounded tired and could see that his eyes were trying to close without Tony's permission. They also noticed that as he had spoken he had relaxed more into Gibbs, finally realising that it was okay to need someone to be there.

After and few minutes of silence, Tony got fidgety again and tried to move out from under Gibbs arm thinking that they weren't safe but Gibbs held firm.

"It's over Tony, and with what you have just given to us, your father will not be getting out unless it's in a coffin." Everyone in the room new that was a promise.

When Gibbs had sent Tony down to autopsy he had been given an update from McGee and Kate that the last of the people involved had been tracked, some were dead or had been caught in the last few days on different charges. Their trials would be made more interesting with the new evidence they had gathered from the start of this case.

"You're safe." Gibbs reassured his Agent.

Gibbs expected an answer from his Agent but when he looked down at his boy. What he saw was the only response he needed.

Tony was fast asleep, with Gibbs' arm still wrapped around him.

The team stayed like that for a while, all gathering support from each other.

**The End**

_Well, thats it, i hoped you all liked the sappy bit at the end, i couldn't resist it. I thought that it would look cute. Please review and tell me what you think. Its been a long journey with this one but we made it. Thanks all for reading the story!_


End file.
